chelle21689 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 (edited) Okay, so I know that I need to probably ask myself but I wanted thoughts and opinions before I do just because. Basically we've been seeing each other for almost 5 months. In the beginning he said he didn't want to rush me since I got out of a long term relationship and we met quickly after my break up and took things slow. I didn't want it to be a rebound. I went away to Asia for a month, and we talked every day when possible. He also had tons of activities planned for us when I got back. We have tagged pictures and albums up together all over Facebook. All of our friends and family know we're "together" and he brings me around them at hang outs. We see each other about 3x a week, shows of public display of affection, and he asked me to go to Vegas with him this month. We haven't done oral or had sex so I know I'm not being used. I feel like things are going well and increasingly getting better between us. Edited July 6, 2011 by chelle21689
vsmini Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 He may already assume you are official OR He may not want a label or a serious relationship - even if many signs point to it. Only way to really find out why is to ask him. Everyone is different. Some men make it clear that they want a label/official and others are not.
Author chelle21689 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 It's becoming that point whenever we are together I'm starting to hear this often..." Is this your girlfriend?" and he says "No, we're just friends" and it is so annoying. Just friends...we're not. How's he going to say that and then hold my hand in front of them? LOL
Author chelle21689 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 Not really asking for advice on what to do. I'm just curious why he hasn't asked. I'd like to know what other people's thoughts are. I'm going to ask him when the time is right eventually.
Lil1 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 It's interesting that you're in this situation considering that you have been dating each other for 5 months now. Even though he is presenting you as his 'friend' it is obvious to you and everyone else who knows you both that there is something more than just friendship between the two of you (If I understood your post correctly). Here's my take on this: He could be really serious about you and is just making sure that you will be a good woman to him so he is taking his time getting to really know you. This would explain why he hasn't had sex with you yet, and why there is so much ambiguity about the real nature of your 'friendship'. He could also be very cautious - has he had his heart broken in the past? I have a friend who waited to have sex with a girl he was dating for 3 months because he didn't want to be hurt. Turns out this was a good move on his part because he found out (right before he was gonna ask her to be his girlfriend) that she was talking to 2 other guys on facebook, he even knew one of them! It was easy for him to walk away and he avoided heartbreak! He could be involved with someone else and you have no idea about it... maybe he is checking out of that other relationship and seeing if you would make a good replacement. He may honestly see you as a good friend only, and maybe he is a flirtatious person in general. Whatever the reasons, you will never know unless you ask him. How emotionally invested are you with this guy? If you really care about him, even on just a friend level then you need to open up to him and ask for clarity on the nature of your relationship. Good luck!
Yookie Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 You are in a better position to determine why he hasn't asked than anyone here but just to state the obvious: He doesnt want you to be his girlfriend so he's not asking. The reason why doesnt really matter. What you should ask yourself is if you are ok with being just friends or do you want more? Are you prepared to walk away if he cant give you what you want?
vsmini Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I was in the same boat with my ex. He introduced me as a "friend" for about 6 months and when I finally talked to him about it he kind of danced around the idea of making it official. I pushed for it - he said "ok" and we had a half-a$$ed relationship for 1.5 years. He didn't really want to be in a relationship and he was too stupid to put his foot down and I was too stupid to not listen to him in the first place (and see the red flag of our 6 month unofficial courtship). I'm not saying it's the same thing for you but if my ex was reading this he would probably say "because he doesn't want to be in an actual relationship." Talk to him soon. There will never be a good time to bring up this talk as it might be uncomfortable. Don't waste time because you're afraid of scaring him away.
Author chelle21689 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 I know it's better to ask him but I wanted people's thoughts is all. If he is seeing someone I'd be really surprised. Just because he doesn't seem the type to date and according to our mutual friends, he doesn't date much really.
OliveOyl Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 How old are you two? If you are over 25, and not both virgins, or not both religious/waiting for marriage, then I would say he's not interested in a relationship. A guy to go 5 months without initiating sex PLUS him saying you are "just friends" means just that.
Lil1 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Well maybe he is homosexual, hiding in the closet and using you as his cover. Maybe he has a gnarly scar and is afraid of being seen naked. Maybe he has a micropenis and is afraid you will reject him or laugh at him when you are finally presented with it. Maybe he is asexual. Maybe he is just using you as an experiment of some sort. Maybe he is waiting for you to make the first move. Maybe he is bored and just killing time with you. LOL, seriously OP if you're just asking for people to speculate but not give you any real helpful advice the list can go on and on and on....
Mimolicious Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 It's becoming that point whenever we are together I'm starting to hear this often..." Is this your girlfriend?" and he says "No, we're just friends" and it is so annoying. Just friends...we're not. How's he going to say that and then hold my hand in front of them? LOL Oh fack that! Well, don't mean to sound harsh BUT he is saying it and you are letting him. Say something.
Mimolicious Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Not really asking for advice on what to do. I'm just curious why he hasn't asked. I'd like to know what other people's thoughts are. I'm going to ask him when the time is right eventually. And sorry hone, but how are "WE" supposed to know why "HE" hasn't asked, again?????????? You are the one in charge, it is your life and precious time. I actually think 5 months is a waste of time for someone to call me his "friend", unless that is what I want to be in his life. It's your life, make your own terms. Don't be so summisive. The time that was right past like.... 3 months ago. If you're doing all this traveling as a companion and not even bone, then he probably sees you just as a "friend". I am assuming that you're not 15 if you're traveling with this guy. Teens have time to waste, not even. OR He's just not that into you. Just saying... Don't waste your time building your hopes us and acting. Ask and ask ASAP!
Author chelle21689 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 He did have a gf a year ago that cheated on him with an ex. They were together for 3 months but I don't think that's why he's not asking me out. He's 21 by the way and I'm 22.
Mimolicious Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 He did have a gf a year ago that cheated on him with an ex. They were together for 3 months but I don't think that's why he's not asking me out. He's 21 by the way and I'm 22. That timeline makes him like a rebound-turned-bad and the chick went back to her ex.
Author chelle21689 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 Yeah, that's what is funny...she did go back to her ex.... And here he is going after me knowing that I just got out of a relationship of 5 years not even 2 months into my break up! But that was like 6 months ago and I've been over it. We been taking things slow so I made sure he wasn't just a rebound.
GildedLily Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 How old are you two? If you are over 25, and not both virgins, or not both religious/waiting for marriage, then I would say he's not interested in a relationship. A guy to go 5 months without initiating sex PLUS him saying you are "just friends" means just that. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^This.
oaks Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Maybe he's been reading too much 'advice' from PUA forums along the lines of "she'll initiate the are-we-in-a-relationship talk if she's interested enough and if she doesn't then she isn't interested enough so you shouldn't bring it up yourself or your balls will shrivel up and drop off". (I didn't say it was good advice.)
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