Anna86 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I met the guy of my dreams. I assure you he is everything I want in a man. I didn't think it was possible to feel this way. We both felt an instant connection with each other and this has never happened to me before. It felt magical. He brings out something inside me that I thought was dead. He inspires me and I feel I could love him. However, there is this huge fear taking over me. I could not bear to hug him or kiss me the last time we met. I wanted to stay away from him physically and emotionally. I am attracted to him. He is a handsome man! So its not that. It is the worst most painful feeling to go through. I just felt he was making my world crash around me and I wanted to be in a room by myself. He noticed that I was withdrawing from him and I tried to explain to him that it is something I do. Every time I meet a guy I really care about I almost reject him. I did the same to my ex at first. I told him to trust me and that over time I would change. He trusted me and I was the most loving girlfriend ever. I am just so sick of this happening to me. This guy is really special and I don't want to blow it. I just need so much time to let him into my heart. What does this mean? Also, has it happened to anyone else here?
RedRussian8080 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 "Every time I meet a guy I really care about I almost reject him." - Seems like mental illness to me, you go to therapy?
AlexDP Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 "Every time I meet a guy I really care about I almost reject him." - Seems like mental illness to me, you go to therapy? That's not mental illness. It's very far from mental illness. In fact, it sounds rather healthy. When I meet someone new, I also try to find reasons not to be with them. In the past I've neglected my gut feeling, only to pay for it later. This is only a problem if she consistently meets people without ever having a relationship. But apparently that is not the case.
RedRussian8080 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Big difference when you meet someone new vs guy of your dreams.
AlexDP Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Big difference when you meet someone new vs guy of your dreams. There's no such thing as the guy of your dreams. You see, the people you will spend your life with? You will only know who they are after you have spent your life with them, not before. This "fear" is helpful, because it tones down her optimism a little.
buster2209 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Your interest level in him is through the stratosphere so, as a defence mechanism, you have closed off thus giving him the impression you don't like him. Just take things slow, relax a little, and remember no matter how wonderful you think he is, he is still human after all.
Cee Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Fear is a powerful emotion and hard to ignore or minimize. I think the best thing to do is to try to walk through it. To experience it. I have noticed that fear gets incredibly large for me to the point where I think a disaster will happen. And then it subsides. Sometimes I take action to deal with a fear. For example, if I'm afraid to say hi to someone, I make myself do it. I have found acting to address fear makes me feel more in control of my life. Another trick I have also learned is not to fully trust my emotions. If I'm feeling joy, love, sadness, or fear, I listen to the feeling, but I don't treat is a reality. There's a cliche "feelings aren't facts" which I like. I remember that emotions are swells within the brain and ebb and flow. I don't have anything specific to say about your new relationship because I don't think it's that relevant to your feelings. Your fear is separate from him and is an internal issue you have to wrestle with.
Author Anna86 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 Mental illness? Perhaps a little bit harsh. I went to see a psychotherapist once because I had exam stress. I am guessing she would have figured out if there was an underlying mental illness with me in general. I am a pretty normal girl I just get this weird fear when I feel like I could REALLY like someone of the opposite sex. Alex, you have felt similar to this? Do you know why this is? Do you do it to every person you meet that you know you could love? I mean I guess we all cope with love differently. I meet a guy I really like. We get on well. I am warm and caring and everything is wonderful. Then I close up like a shell before it gets serious. My ex told me during that time that I was still warm but that I acted distant. It has NEVER pushed a guy away which I find hard to understand. They seem to understand and never get angry or upset so I have been lucky. It has never stopped a relationship developing or progressing so I don't feel it is that serious. However, I would love to know why I feel this way. It is not a nice feeling and kind of gets in the way of that lovey feeling at the start. It always happens just after that initial ''in love'' feeling. I am so curious to see if anyone has any insight.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 However, I would love to know why I feel this way. It is not a nice feeling and kind of gets in the way of that lovey feeling at the start. It always happens just after that initial ''in love'' feeling. I am so curious to see if anyone has any insight. My guess is that you are afraid of rejection or intimacy. Because you really like the guy a lot you are pumping the emotional breaks to keep the intimacy level within your comfort zone. From a guys perspective that gets old after a while. It feels like trust issues and short term intentions. Anything in your past that might be making you feel afraid of losing something good?
Author Anna86 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 I have no idea why I feel this way. As long as I have been interested in men I have experienced it. I am trying to see if there is anything that could have happened to me in the past to make me this way? I just can't see any reason. The best way to describe it is that after I meet someone I really like I feel trapped when I am around them. I keep it to myself and just try to talk to my friends when I feel this way and get over it myself. Generally it comes and goes early in the relationship but it doesn't last into it. When I feel that way I will just keep busy and try to avoid meeting the guy in question for a day or two until I get my sense back. So it never has got in the way of anything. I am sure the guys in question don't understand how difficult it is for me!! This is not me in a relationship. Once I am comfortable I have no problems with anything and am the happiest girl ever. I adore being with the man I love. I am not afraid of intimacy in a relationship. I love that part the best! Its just before that I tend to get scared. Right now the guy I like has sent me a really nice email. I can't even reply. It is too hard for me right now. I feel unable to even read it again. It baffles me!!
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