gamechanger Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 hello all, to begin i just got out of a six year relationship after i found out my girl friend was cheating on me for the last two... this is the first real heart break in my life and i'm looking for a bit of advice and perhaps a time line of when my feelings and thoughts about her might begin to subside... im having a problem with this because shes telling me she wants to take time apart and to see what happens in a year... i feel like im probibly going to wait the year out and be single but, once a cheater always a cheater? move on? bigger better things? just a little stuck...
thelovingkind Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 What a really tough situation to be in You are probably going to be in for a rough 3-4 months at least in terms of taking in the scale of the betrayal and loss and coping with the emotions associated with it. That's if you go no contact and try to start moving on right now. If you stay in contact / wait for her to come back (please do not) then this turmoil could drag on for a year or more easily. My advice: go no contact, focus on yourself and going through the grieving process with an eye to coming out the other side and moving on. But be patient, it'll definitely take a while.
wilsonx Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 hello all, to begin i just got out of a six year relationship after i found out my girl friend was cheating on me for the last two... this is the first real heart break in my life and i'm looking for a bit of advice and perhaps a time line of when my feelings and thoughts about her might begin to subside... im having a problem with this because shes telling me she wants to take time apart and to see what happens in a year... i feel like im probibly going to wait the year out and be single but, once a cheater always a cheater? move on? bigger better things? just a little stuck... I am sorry to hear about this gamechanger, it sucks. It really does. Whats going to happen next is shes already in a relationship with this guy and is going to continue it, which is why she wants time apart. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Its time for you to move on to bigger and better things. I know how devastating this is because I just caught this with my ex and she fed me the same crap and broke up with me because I caught her. As for your saying once a cheater, always a cheater would be true in her case. Not in everyone's case. There are some things you really want to do. You want to initiate NC as soon as possible. No Contact is not about getting your ex back, its about disconnecting yourself from her mentally and letting you truly heal. You want to block her on facebook, delete her number, block her email address and do everything in your power to remove her from your life. She may try to contact you saying she misses you and she still loves you, these are breadcrumbs, ignore them and keep moving forward without her. If you can't lock it down the first several attempts dont sweat it but the second you get it locked down, keep it that way. There are way better people out there that would never treat guys like you and I like this. Its a shame but in the end we will come out better people and find someone more deserving then us.
Author gamechanger Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 yea i've been reading different posts and threads on this site and ive definatly been doing all the wrong things. when we broke up i smothered her tried to get her back, all the things an irrational person does and then later we had discussions to figure what went wrong (i had to have closure) because i had to hack the fb to find out she was a completely different person. i had the pleasure of finding out through a live chat "does your bf know you cheated on him yet? when can i come up?" even though she told me to my face nothing was going on... during our discussion she told me her needs weren't being met and her unhappiness was causing her to have moments of "weakness". she cried in my arms told me she feels really bad that she should've left when she was unhappy instead of leading me on. o and then is then in a relationship 2 months later... i feel way betrayed because during this whole process we moved in an apartment together and later moved into a house. i thought everything was grand... i just can get over why she would be doing all this with me and continue to have flings with other people... this was only my 2nd legitimate relationship and im devastated we went from always being around each other/best friends to nothing... and to me things more complicated she has 3 other siblings who still call me to come out and to see how im doing. i know there are many other people out there going through the same thing but i just cant shake it or get her out of my head, i was going to propose to this girls in 2 months... i have done the no contact just simply because every time i see her or talk to her the emotions get 50 times worse... ive only broken it twice in 2 months and haven't seen her in 4... i have no confidence in myself now and i wouldn't even know were to begin at this point in the dating scene because ive been working on my school and my career... sometimes i wish that i could go to sleep and wake up in 6 months just to be over all of this nonsense. i know shes going to try to come back to me because i was the best thing to happen to her as far as her record with other guys being complete and utter low lives, i just dont know whats going to happen when or if that day ever comes along... im just beside myself
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