11cp11 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 hey guys, i need some help! ok, so here's my story. i first met my girlfriend about 4 years ago. ever since she met me, she had the biggest crush on me. we are basically the same age, but i am two years ahead of her in school. we didn't first start getting serious about a relationship until i had left for my freshmen year of college (she was a junior in high school at the time.) she told me she was in love with me, so a few months into my freshmen year, i asked her out. she said yes, she and i were both happy (even though i was about a 6 hour drive away so we didn't get to see each other that much). so during the first few months of us dating, we didn't see each other all that much. but we still talked every day, and were still very happy. then, i came home for the summer. it was seriously like the best summer ever for the both of us. we saw each other a ton, and we always had so much fun together. i fell in love with her during this time. then it came time for me to go back to school and for her to go through her sr year of high school. although it was very sad we wouldn't see each other as much, we both wanted to stay together. so we stayed together. i came home a lot more than the previous year. and we still talked or skyped every day. we were still so happy with each other, and we'd both tell each other that all the time. we'd always talk about how great this summer was going to be. needless to say, we were always both extremely excited. so at the end of this may, i came home for the summer. we hung out every day for about a week, and everything seemed normal. but then after hanging out about a week after i came home, after we kissed goodbye, she texted me and said she needs space and needs to figure out what she wants. obviously, the past month has been extremely difficult for me. it has been a roller coaster ride. she talks to me a little bit, but we haven't hung out since she broke up with me. she told me she thought we were too serious and she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. but then she also said she doesn't know if she will ever want to get back together with me (she said it has nothing to do with anything i do or don't have though). the other day she told me she still loves me just as much as she used to. but then today she told me "she's started talking to a guy that likes" her. she said she doesn't "like" him and she doesn't want to date him, but i don't know why else she would tell me this. all i want is to be together with her again. we are both still in love with each other, so i don't know what is holding her back. can anybody make sense of what she is doing? it's driving me crazy. she just keeps telling me she needs to "figure what she wants." anybody's help or thoughts would be much appreciated. thanks so much!
Layzie89 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 She's still young and clearly isn't ready for any sort of serious relationship as shes told you herself. I'm going to be blunt and tell you she's probably going through a case of GIGS right now and you shouldn't be trying to do anything about it. In fact, theres nothing you really can do about it. She said she needed space, so go NC and give her the space she needs. Let her know you'll give her space but you won't be waiting around for her. If she expects you to hang in limbo while she makes up her mind thats extremely selfish of her. Just let her do her and you do you. And about this other guy, I'll tell you right now hes more a factor in her decision to ends things with you than she makes it seem. Of course she's going to tell you she doesnt like him and she doesnt want to date him. Unless you were one horrible boyfriend, abusive boyfriend, why would she? Definately a combination of GIGS/young age/curiosity here. It's up to you if you want to stick around while she plays ball or pack your bags and walk.
Author 11cp11 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 thanks for your reply. would you say I have more of a chance of getting back together with her if I say I'm not going to wait around for her? Or is telling her that I'm gonna wait for her the best option if I want to get back together with her?
sd89 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 people want what they cant have. show her she cant have you, and she'll want you. but don't make it awkward. just be you. when you tell her you'll wait, she probably wont want what is handed out to her, especially if she is young.
69ways Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 yes show her she cant have you but make sure you don't listen to idiots here telling you: you showed her she cant have you and thats why she found another guy. especially idiots that write this in bold letters lol keep your pride and don't be needy, she will come back or you will start healing
dreamscape123 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I'm going to be blunt and tell you she's probably going through a case of GIGS right now and you shouldn't be trying to do anything about it. In fact, theres nothing you really can do about it. Definately a combination of GIGS/young age/curiosity here. It's up to you if you want to stick around while she plays ball or pack your bags and walk. Agreed 100% There are a lot of cases like this on here at the moment, and yes, I am one too... There are a few threads about the summer syndrome too, worth finding and having a read.... Basically explaining that this sort of thing happens more in summer months... strange but true......
Author 11cp11 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 so all you guys think it'd be best if I make it act like I'm moving on? if I do this, it's more likely for her to come back? she says she's still in love with me, and I believe her. so i just don't understand it.
sd89 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 in a way shes testing you. by letting you know she will still be there but wants to see some changes from you, she wants to see you take control.
Layzie89 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 If she was still in love with you none of this would be happening. Think about it.
sun_moon Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 hey guys, i need some help! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251986/
Author 11cp11 Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 here's an update: a couple weeks ago, she ended it "for good" with me, saying "our time has come and gone" and she found "someone else" that she "really likes a lot." i went into total no contact after she told me that. i said i respected her decision, that she's the best girl i've ever known, that i loved her very much, thanked her for the great times that i've had with her, but i told her to stop texting me, calling me, and talking to me for right now. i sincerely believe that she is just going through a phase. and i believe that she still loves me a lot, she just doesn't really realized how much she actually does. she's known this other guy for barely over a month, for gosh's sakes. recently, she's started texting me...saying, "i really miss talking to you," "i need you," "i know you're trying to get over me, but I still think we should be able to talk...like maybe once a week?" "i miss my best friend." what do you think her motives behind this are? should i stop no contact now and become friends with her again? or should i continue no contact?
sun_moon Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 For the sake of your healing and moving on, you need to continue your progress by keeping NC, don't give in. She doesn't want you back, she's just giving you breadcrumbs for the sake of having you as her security blanket and ego boost,don't let her crush you again. Stay strong and keep away.
ScienceGal Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 For the sake of your healing and moving on, you need to continue your progress by keeping NC, don't give in. She doesn't want you back, she's just giving you breadcrumbs for the sake of having you as her security blanket and ego boost,don't let her crush you again. Stay strong and keep away. I agree. Don't follow the breadcrumbs. And.. the more desperate she sounds, the less believable she should be. Desperation isn't love.
Author 11cp11 Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 alright, thanks. by the looks of it, does it sound like she'll ever wanna get back together with me when i continue the NC?
sun_moon Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 All your answers can be found in the GIGS post. I dont think she's coming back, I'm really sorry to tell you.
wilsonx Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 She wants to have her cake and eat it too. Don't let her. Stop talking to her, prove to yourself that you do not need her in your life. At least she did not pull some egocentric **** like my ex told me the last night in my apartment. She said "You can't live without me in your life" I am 2 months out and going on 7 Weeks NC. Hmmm and it gets better and better each day. Don't respond to her anymore. I feel so much better now. I cant believe its been over 2 months since this has happened. Time FLEW. Stop communicating to her and have fun with your new life
ScienceGal Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 (edited) alright, thanks. by the looks of it, does it sound like she'll ever wanna get back together with me when i continue the NC? I see where you are going with this because I fell into the same line of thinking myself. You're thinking that if you do no contact the "right way" then she'll realize she wants you and come back for good. Life will be perfect again. The sun will shine brighter and the birds will sing sweeter, everything will feel better. I am sorry to tell you that this is not the case. It might feel better for a few days or weeks, but her confusion and commitment issues are still there and still very real. A relationship with her as she is now will do nothing but hurt you again and again. No contact is to help YOU move on. This reminds me of a song I love. In it, the man entertains the idea of rekindling a connection with the woman years later. I am not saying to do this, but the take home message is that you've got to let her go, completely. No one knows what the future holds, but one thing is for sure, she's got growing up to do... Edited August 1, 2011 by ScienceGal
Author 11cp11 Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 UPDATE: i've been going NC for several weeks now. however, yesterday she texted me and said "hey"...after about an hour of me not responding she said "ok i'll stop trying"...and then about another hour after this latest text saying something along the lines of "you've always said you'll be there for me, but these past couple weeks i've tried to talk to you because i needed you and i needed to talk to you, but you just don't respond. so i hope you have a great life, cause you aren't a part of mine anymore." this made me feel just awful. i texted her back after that, but she did not respond. did i do anything wrong here? what should i do now?
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