drews14 Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 my ex and i were dating for 2yrs, we had a decent relationship, i was there more then she was for me. long story short after 2yrs and us becoming very close, she decided that were different people and she needs a break. ( blaming it on school.work/and she needs to find her self) i let it rock and try to stick around and be there and try to work it out for about 2 months. then she tells me shes dating some one else . fast forward to last week about 3.5mo after the break up, i haven't heard from her at all for 2 weeks, she shows up by my job..basically saying shes misses me even tho shes with someone she cant stop thinking about me and us. she made a mistake of rushing into something else. i basically stayed strong and told her we are over she has a new man she shouldn't be here with me, she tried to kiss me i didn't let it happen. she was very sentimental saying the usually i miss you, i love you, i still do, i still care, ect.. i come to find out via face book shes now engaged to this new guy after .3 months of knowing him. so now i feel like the little bit of stability i was gaining from this whole things just went to ****, i feel the whole in my chest coming back, im numb. i know i can not work things out with here because we are to far gone. but i still love her even tho she has moved on and it hurts to know she can do it so quickly. im just looking for guidance i guess, its hard i know time heals all. its hard to know after 2 yrs and becoming so close and just to be forgotten and move on in a matter of 4 months.. i was a good guy never did her wrong but idk..
krifle04 Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 It can't last. She's just hurt and lost and thinks being engaged will fulfill her, and soon she'll realize it doesn't. Just because 2 people are engaged does not mean it will last. She's confused, and you are not, so just let her go make mistakes.
Chi townD Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Comes to your work telling you she loves and misses you and then trys to kiss u on you. THEN, you find out she's engaged?!?! Yeah, that's gonna last...... Dude, this girl is sooooooo confused, you're better off without her. Only a matter of time before she hurts this guy too...
stray Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 You dated a selfish psycho. Her relationship with this new guy isn't going to last and then she'll try to find another guy right away - maybe you. But trust me, she's just another insane woman who can't get it together. Don't waste your time with her.
smudge21 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I think I can offer some insight as to why you were one minute okay with telling her it's over then when you find out she's engaged you feel like **** again. She came to you, she told you things you secretly wanted to hear, she gave you the power. You made the choices and the decisions. You were in control and you told her it can't work out. You knew it was the right thing to do so you can heal... but... deep down, you still care more than you think and even though you pushed her away then, you do want her back. Having that power made you strong and you used it correctly, no doubt about it. Maybe when you pushed her away you were actually hoping she'd come back and work harder to win you over. However, then you find out she's engaged. You've realised that what happened earlier was all a lie. You never really had the power, you were never really in control, she was never really going to come back. She's engaged (I agree with others, it's unlikely to last or at least be very good whilst it does). She's moved on. I've felt exactly the same when the ex has contacted and I've pushed her away, politely of course, but still turned down her advances. It's made me feel good, but then I've found out she too is engaged. You go from one state of mind to another. You feel crushed and set back. Basically you've had a set back - a big one. You saw a positive light when she came to see you but then it quickly got turned off. Don't worry about it, set backs are part of healing and we all get them. If it helps, take some comfort in realising that despite the fact she's engaged, she still does care about you. It may never change anything, but at least you can take it with you that you really did have a big affect on her life... and she won't forget you in a hurry.
Author drews14 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 thanks for all the positive comment everyone, smudge21 - i think you hit the nail on the head this is how i feel just didnt know how to put it in words... it really hurts to know shes moving on so quick with someone else. but i just need to realize that i wasnt the one that mattered in the end. i just blocked her emails and im changing my number today. so she would be able to contact me again. its going to hurt because i part of me wants to still hear from her, but i know its better if i dont. hopefully the side that wants to hear from her will die soon.. all this makes me want to pick up and leave ny and start fresh possibly CA or some thing. everything here reminds me of her and it sucks. im really thinking of taking my vacation and flying to cali and see how i like it there i neeed to get away from here. i feel like all the progress i made in the past few months was a waste and im back to square one. but again thanks all for the help
smudge21 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 It's so easy to slip up when trying to heal, but don't be so hard on yourself. You're not the first to go through this and you won't be the last. If you feel a change of scenery is best, then do it, but think it through. Don't just do it for this one reason as you may regret it. Plus, who's to say you won't still feel bad once you've moved. The things that remind us are just triggers to activate those feelings; the feelings are always there and stay with us wherever we go. I understood how you felt because I was there. I had to send an email to my ex saying goodbye and making it clear how I felt about her and why I had to stay away. I knew that without doing that, she'd be making contact every now and then, and I'd never heal. Think things through and don't worry about the odd setback.
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