Man in mid-thirties marries 16 yr old-explain

[Forever Learning]

I know a 37 year old man who married a 16 year old (she was a few months shy of 17 years old when they married, so her mother gave permission for them to marry). I think they met when she was 15 years old.

 

The marriage lasted a decade and they did have children together (after waiting 5 years into the marriage).

 

They are now divorcing, they remain on friendly terms. He is now 47, she is now 26.

 

Do you think this man qualifies as a pedophile? Is there something wrong with him to have married her, or not?

 

What exactly would be his problem, or does he even have one?

 

I am just not sure what to think about him on this issue.

[Forever Learning]

I also know from his past relationship history, that he usually went out with younger women. But it seems over time, the age gap between himself and the age of the woman who he dated got larger and larger as he got older.

 

In speaking to him, he seems like a very nice guy, very likeable. Everyone who meets him seems to like him. Boyish charm, so to speak. But i have also noticed along with his self effacing easy going manner, he is very watchful of others when they are not observing him.

Edited July 5, 2011 by Forever Learning

[AverageSausage]

I have had a 10 year relationship in similar circumstances so my comments may help.

I have always felt more comfortable with a woman who is younger than myself. That is mostly because I feel that I am immature.

I met my partner originally when she was only 15, we worked at the same place. We were nothing more than aquaintances. As time passed, we would occasionally email or very rarely chat online.

For the last six months before we got together, things got very tense and electric. We got together when she was 17 - two month short of 18 - and I was 35.

Her mum also worked at the same place. We never ever did anything improper, indeed, I was all for waiting until she was fully 18 before making love. We failed by a few weeks, but of course, we did nothing improper or illegal. I asked her mum for permission to take her out and I respected her mums wishes that she be home before 11 on our first date, even though she was 17 and almost 18. Unfortunately we have recently split, but we had been together for ten years!

 

Your friend was obviously committed if they have been together for so long. He took his responsibilities seriously!

 

I would be horrified if you thought your friend is a paedophile as it is very likely that nothing improper happened and even if it did, since she was 15 when they first met,it is a very grey area regarding age. If she had been much younger, then I would definitely say he was a paedophile.

 

Because of his long term commitment and his openness and honesty with her mum then I would say, he is definitely NOT a paedophile. He is a decent human being.

[Forever Learning]

thank you so very very much for your comments. this question had been on my mind for a very long time but the insight you provided was perfect. I am very lucky you happened to be reading at the time I posted that question, that you had such a similar experience.

 

If you don't mind, could you tell me why the relationship ended for you and your wife? Only in very broad terms of course. Just the general reason.

 

Also, do you think in the future you would continue to be attracted to someone much younger, or someone closer to you age?

 

Have you tried recently dating others your age, and if so, were they bothered by the youth of your former partner? (jealous). Was that a problem?

 

Thanks again for the insight you provided, it was very valueable and I appreciate it.

Edited July 5, 2011 by Forever Learning

[cheergirl]

Why do you want to label this person?

 

A paedophile someone who is sexually attracted to prepubescent children.

Is a 16/17 yr old a child?

I don't mean legally, or technically, I mean biologically...

Until halfway through the last century it was very common in many parts of the US for girls to marry in their very early teens.

The human body is designed that way.

Society changes, laws change but biology doesn't.

 

Jerry Lee Lewis lost his career for awhile for doing something that he and his family/community considered absolutely normal.

So is the man you mentioned a paedophile, IMO, no.

He was a husband and father... who incidentally had the blessing of his MIL.

I don't know these people but 10 yrs sounds like a pretty good run to me, by today's standards...

[123321]

Do you think this man qualifies as a pedophile? Is there something wrong with him to have married her, or not?

 

What exactly would be his problem, or does he even have one?

No and no, I would write more but:

Why do you want to label this person?

 

A paedophile someone who is sexually attracted to prepubescent children.

^^^^ THAT ^^^^

[Art_Critic]

A Pedophile is a person attracted to age 13 years and under children, they must be 6 years older as the child as well..

So no.. by the medical term he is not..but by the way the law and police use the term he very well might be or have been depending on the state and or country they were in at the time.

They use the term to describe any person attracted to a minor who is not able to give consent, and in many states that is age 16, so if he was sexually active with a 15 year old then he was someone who might have committed sexual assault.

 

Although since he isn't a pedo then it really doesn't matter.. a pedo has about a zero chance of changing his ways.

and since he is all grow and so is she it really is a moot point at this stage anyhow..

 

Pedo... no

Edited July 18, 2011 by Art_Critic