nycpetit Posted April 22, 2004 Posted April 22, 2004 What does it mean when a guy doesn't close the door on the relationship, but there have clearly been problems, perhaps you have taken a few steps back, are not living together anymore..but you know he isn't dating anyone else, and you aren't either..he still speaks of the future with you when you are together..you know he is trying to work out issues of hs that contributed to the decline the commitment to marriage you once shared.... okay..so he doesn't close the door and you spend time together, visit, vacation..etc....but anytime you mention that there are some things in the past that might be worth addressing now that the step back has been taken, we are still spending time together..so it seems safer and worth our while to get our thoughts and feelings out on the table..esp. since some of the issues seem to be repeating.and the patterns are more clearly there since we are living apart...but he replies..in a terse voice..."I don't want to talk about the relationship." And sometimes will say it was a terrible relationship with no goodwill..but is still there all the time, complaining that he just has issues, and is a mess, regrets having left, and why did he leave he asks....and so clearly seems to NOT know what he wants..he still does things for you, and takes you to dinners, calls daily a gazillion times...and when HE wants to...does talk of the past alot..just dont't LET you be the one to discuss it.... Could that be HIS GUILT speaking that doesn't want to talk about it? Because it makes no sense to me if with those words you are still there and doing things for that person, and planning with them anyone have a thought on this?
Girlie Posted April 22, 2004 Posted April 22, 2004 I guess my thoughts on the matter would depend on the subject matter you were trying to approach with him. I mean you said, relationships, but that's pretty vague. Is it something he's done in the past that he might feel bad about? Perhaps it's just an issue he isn't ready to deal with yet. He could also just be a control freak and like to control the tone and the nature of the conversation. Not a good trait. These are just suggestions based on the amount of information that is there. If it's something he doesn't want to discuss yet, then it *might* be best to be patient. Depends on the situation. However, given that he's still taking you out, being with you romantically, and what not, he might decide that he doesn't want to discuss it because he can avoid conversations about the relationship and have you, too. Kind of the have your cake and eat it, too thing. Bottom line from my point of view though: if he doesn't want to talk about a relationship, he doesn't need to be in one. Communication is too important to simply just ignore. May sound harsh, but that's the way I feel about it.
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