loveletters Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I'm new to this forum, just thought I'd give my story to hear other people's perspectives. I'm 23, MM is 53. We met at work, and at first I wasn't into him at all. I would get offended when co-workers would joke around & make comments regarding him & I "being together" even though we never really spoke to each other! I guess he was a flirt (which is why people would make jokes..) One of my coworkers told me that he's left his wife before, they were seperated, he moved out, etc... & that the only reason he stayed was because of his kids. (they're really young: 7 & 12) So back in January, MM & I started talking. It was just about things in general, work, his kids.etc... Somehow things took a different turn - I was moving into another place and he offered to give away a bedset that he had owned & I agreed. I gave him my number so he could call and let me know when he was available to load it onto my car. Finally, after I got it (it was a back and forth thing for a month straight) he didn't stop calling me. He would text, call mostly on the weekends to see how I was doing, because I have a second job & don't see him on the weekends. Soon my 23rd birthday came up, he knew about it & he surprised me with a gift. I was in shock because I really didn't think of him "that way" still. He was an alright man, but I knew he was married & I told myself NOTHING would make me get involved! After he gave me the gift, he kissed me.....on the lips. From that moment on I couldn't help but feel curiosity for him. I wanted more..... But me being the shy introvert that I am could hardly get a word out to him after that moment. I felt SO SHY & couldn't even make eye contact with him! Fast Forward 4 1/2 months later: We are now in a relationship. Back in April he told me he filed for divorce. I wasn't sure whether or not to believe him, I'm still not! I don't wanna push the issue or even ask about it. I NEVER ask about his wife or their marriage. I never asked him to confirm if he really did file, but he offered to show me the papers. I know it's way too early to even begin talking about marriage & all of that other stuff.... But I can't help it... I feel addicted to him, he consumes my thoughts daily. My highschool sweetheart and I broke up last year (we were together for almost 8 years) & he was physically & verbally abusive to me. So finding a man like this, who only wants to take care of me & make me happy.. never calling me out of my name is just pure magic to me. I guess what I'm trying to say or ask: Do you think 4 months is "too soon" to feel this way? To want to be with him for as long as I can..Age doesn't matter to me, even if people mistake him for my "dad" (I know, it sorta bothers me) But I can't help it...... I'm so lovesick over him Do you think he's taking advantage of me? He's told me that he's done this before, that the longest was at least 2-3 years with his xOW..I may be young, but I'm damn sure not naive... But being that he's my *second* I feel so attached just as I did my first...I know right from wrong, & I know that this relationship is wrong on so many levels, but everytime we are together it feels perfect. All we do laugh, make each other so happy & it feels right....... I asked him what his intentions were with me, & he said "Well, I want to move in with you" But that's as far as we've gotten in discussing our future plans. Also, he told me that his wife said he could take the kids when their divorce is finalized. But he told me this a couple months ago, & since then he hasn't mentioned anything else about it. It's already Month Number Three.... & it's 90 days in my state in order for it to be finalized. If he doesn't mention anything to me at the end of this month, then I know he was just bull****ting me the whole time ....... We'll see.
MissBee Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I'm new to this forum, just thought I'd give my story to hear other people's perspectives. I'm 23, MM is 53. We met at work, and at first I wasn't into him at all. I would get offended when co-workers would joke around & make comments regarding him & I "being together" even though we never really spoke to each other! I guess he was a flirt (which is why people would make jokes..) One of my coworkers told me that he's left his wife before, they were seperated, he moved out, etc... & that the only reason he stayed was because of his kids. (they're really young: 7 & 12) So back in January, MM & I started talking. It was just about things in general, work, his kids.etc... Somehow things took a different turn - I was moving into another place and he offered to give away a bedset that he had owned & I agreed. I gave him my number so he could call and let me know when he was available to load it onto my car. Finally, after I got it (it was a back and forth thing for a month straight) he didn't stop calling me. He would text, call mostly on the weekends to see how I was doing, because I have a second job & don't see him on the weekends. Soon my 23rd birthday came up, he knew about it & he surprised me with a gift. I was in shock because I really didn't think of him "that way" still. He was an alright man, but I knew he was married & I told myself NOTHING would make me get involved! After he gave me the gift, he kissed me.....on the lips. From that moment on I couldn't help but feel curiosity for him. I wanted more..... But me being the shy introvert that I am could hardly get a word out to him after that moment. I felt SO SHY & couldn't even make eye contact with him! Fast Forward 4 1/2 months later: We are now in a relationship. Back in April he told me he filed for divorce. I wasn't sure whether or not to believe him, I'm still not! I don't wanna push the issue or even ask about it. I NEVER ask about his wife or their marriage. I never asked him to confirm if he really did file, but he offered to show me the papers. I know it's way too early to even begin talking about marriage & all of that other stuff.... But I can't help it... I feel addicted to him, he consumes my thoughts daily. My highschool sweetheart and I broke up last year (we were together for almost 8 years) & he was physically & verbally abusive to me. So finding a man like this, who only wants to take care of me & make me happy.. never calling me out of my name is just pure magic to me. I guess what I'm trying to say or ask: Do you think 4 months is "too soon" to feel this way? To want to be with him for as long as I can..Age doesn't matter to me, even if people mistake him for my "dad" (I know, it sorta bothers me) But I can't help it...... I'm so lovesick over him Do you think he's taking advantage of me? He's told me that he's done this before, that the longest was at least 2-3 years with his xOW..I may be young, but I'm damn sure not naive... But being that he's my *second* I feel so attached just as I did my first...I know right from wrong, & I know that this relationship is wrong on so many levels, but everytime we are together it feels perfect. All we do laugh, make each other so happy & it feels right....... I asked him what his intentions were with me, & he said "Well, I want to move in with you" But that's as far as we've gotten in discussing our future plans. Also, he told me that his wife said he could take the kids when their divorce is finalized. But he told me this a couple months ago, & since then he hasn't mentioned anything else about it. It's already Month Number Three.... & it's 90 days in my state in order for it to be finalized. If he doesn't mention anything to me at the end of this month, then I know he was just bull****ting me the whole time ....... We'll see. Love....I see a lot of flags in your posts that make me think this situation is not a good idea. You do not sound like someone who is self assured and fully into her own and therefore that is a dangerous territory to be be in in ANY relationship, much less one that is riddled by inherent complications. You are "consumed" by this man you said, you were in an abusive relationship before so this MM who buys you stuff and dotes on you feels like "pure magic", you are 23 and age is one thing but maturity is another and this 53 yr old MM is also only your second relationship, you are afraid to ask him certain things, you are not even sure of how you're "supposed" to feel, you said you don;t care if people think he is your dad lol, why'd you even bring that up if it were a non-issue? As for you, him and marriage....something makes me highly doubt he is thinking the same and I can see you being terribly hurt by this. Girrrlll...I agree that you should watch and see his actions but I also suggest you think about your own state of mind. I strongly believe your inner landscape draws people and circumstances to you. Methinks this man may be a predator.....
Mimolicious Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Hi and welcome to LS! Have it ever crossed your mind that being with an "abusive" person for 8yrs has perhaps left you broken? That anyone that will fancy you,you will be totally & magically consumed by? Sounds like you were used to abuse. The trick here is that he's M. A single dude would be equipped with the same qualities and is as capable of being this "magical". I have to admit, the age difference makes the record stratch for me. I am probably going to get heat for this but in reality this MM is more than twice your age. If you're looking at this as a long term R, by the time that you are in your prime this MM will be going into retirement. Also, the fact that his children are so small and he's this old, uummm... He'll be paying child support even when he is already retired. (This is me speaking based on general facts and assuming that he lives a traditional life style). He said that his W is giving up her kids to go stay with him after D? Whoa! either he is bs'ing you with that or such a great mother that is! Either way, are you ready to give up your youth raising someone else's kids? I'd tell you this much... When you are stuck with his kids, cant even go get your hair done, and you find out that his xW is in the Bahamas vacationing, believe you me it's not going to suit you well. He said he wants to "move in with you"? That can translate in him being broke after his D and he basically can't make it on his own. He could be paving the road hone. Sounds like you have a lot to consider before you make the jump in this R. Also, verify that his story is in fact true. I have to ask... He gave you what used to be his marital bed? If he did, and you guys are using it. . Pfft! Btw, you're 23, this is your "sencond"= inexperience. Don't let yourself get taken for a ride from someone old enough to be your dad. Good luck!
whichwayisup Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 This guy is robbing you of a normal relationship and one day you WILL look back at this and wish you never got involved with someone more than double your age and let alone married with young kids. He is NOT leaving his wife and kids. He is looking for an affair, it's that simple. I guess what I'm trying to say or ask: Do you think 4 months is "too soon" to feel this way? To want to be with him for as long as I can..Age doesn't matter to me, even if people mistake him for my "dad" (I know, it sorta bothers me) But I can't help it...... I'm so lovesick over him Right now it sort of bothers you, fast forward 10 years from now, how it will bother you then? You'll be so young and he'll be close to retirement age, possibly have health issues.. Imagine being married to him, maybe having a few kids with him, AND you'd be step mom to HIS kids too! This is a receipe for disaster and sorry to say this, he IS using you, even if he loves you after four months, this affair aka relationship as you call it, is going no where. The age difference alone right now IS an issue, will he hang out with your friends, your family? Will they accept him? He's been around the block and lived life for so long and you haven't. I don't mean that as a knock towards you, it's just that he has much more experience overall than you and been through everything you haven't yet.. End it now before you get in deeper.
Author loveletters Posted July 5, 2011 Author Posted July 5, 2011 End it now before you get in deeper. You guys are so right... I haven't talked to anyone about this at all, so it was eating me up inside not knowing & questioning certain things. It's hard for me to let go once I have feelings for a person. Also, I've dated around & have seen other guys after my break up, but none of them struck me the way he did. I already know deep inside, in the back of my mind that it's not going to last. THANK YOU
Mimolicious Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 You guys are so right... I haven't talked to anyone about this at all, so it was eating me up inside not knowing & questioning certain things. It's hard for me to let go once I have feelings for a person. Also, I've dated around & have seen other guys after my break up, but none of them struck me the way he did. I already know deep inside, in the back of my mind that it's not going to last. THANK YOU And have you considered the factors of why they didn't strike you like your MM has??? Think about it!? A guy close to your age may not court you as much as someone that is 53. They don't have their opportunities slimmed down yet. They are young, available, and basically a dime a dozen. Of course your MM is going to call you every sweet name on the book. He will fack you 8 ways from Sunday, and will promise you the moon. For someone this age to fancy a 23 year old, is hard work babe. You're arm candy and trophy status to him. So he may need to work triple hard to charm you. If you stop thinking of the "instant gratification" that this R will bring you and look at it for the long run, the sparks may not be too bright. Place yourself 10yrs from now with your MM. You may be giving up too much of your life to settle for someone his age. I mean, I don't mean to offend anyone but I have to keep it real. There is one life to live. When you're his age (53) He'll be 83 or probably already dead. Sorry.
Emme Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 You are 23... I beg you to live. Enjoy the freedom that is your youth. Do not waste it on one man because he makes you feel valued. You have to live to find out your worth. No man can make you feel valued. You have to do that for yourself. Step away from this man and look at his life. He has lived. You haven't even begun to live. Don't get involved with someone who's life is coming to an end when yours is just beginning. When the office makes jokes about his life. You should know that his track record is a hot mess. Don't add yourself to the list. Take the pencil and scratch your name off. Stay away form his man juice. God only knows how many other of your coworkers are in his stew. Just nasty. Think of it that way hun.
Author loveletters Posted July 5, 2011 Author Posted July 5, 2011 Wow, hearing the truth sure does hurt. I remember hearing that a 51 year old actor just married a 16 year old girl. I wonder how that will play out..? Is it true love or is he just infatuated with her? Sorry I didn't answer some questions- but by "moving in" he meant he wanted to get a place together. His wife is disabled, she had a stroke a few years ago & things went downhill from there. Or so he tells me...... I question everything he tells me. Yes, I'm very unsure of myself. I still feel like I haven't found "myself" just yet. Those were his exact words... He can send me to the moon and back. Everything is just making more sense to me. I dread going back to work & seeing him now. My perspective is changing drastically just by hearing what you guys have to say... Because I knew some of this in my heart already, hearing it from other people just confirms it. Thanks again.
Author loveletters Posted July 5, 2011 Author Posted July 5, 2011 Oh and about the bedset - he actually got it from our work place, he was in charge of merchandise that is "defective" or hasn't sold, so he just gives them away when he gets the go-ahead.
MissBee Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 (edited) You are 23... I beg you to live. Enjoy the freedom that is your youth. Do not waste it on one man because he makes you feel valued. You have to live to find out your worth. No man can make you feel valued. You have to do that for yourself. Step away from this man and look at his life. He has lived. You haven't even begun to live. Don't get involved with someone who's life is coming to an end when yours is just beginning. When the office makes jokes about his life. You should know that his track record is a hot mess. Don't add yourself to the list. Take the pencil and scratch your name off. Stay away form his man juice. God only knows how many other of your coworkers are in his stew. Just nasty. Think of it that way hun. Ewww and so true! I don't suggest office/workplace romances to anyone in the first place, worst yet one with a man whose reputation precedes him. Him being known around the office for being a flirt and so on does not bode well for a relationship...plus everyone will be in your business. I also agree to the rest, especially the bolded and underlined...best thing EVERY woman can learn, embrace deeply and live . A world of relationship problems comes from women seeking men to validate them....happened to me...continues to happen everyday to women on LS, friends I know, etc. Once you begin to value yourself to the highest degree...a lot of bullshyt becomes obvious and not as appealing and you just don't get into certain scenarios anymore. Edited July 5, 2011 by MissBee
Author loveletters Posted July 5, 2011 Author Posted July 5, 2011 Oh nooooo, he just text me and said he was on his way to my place RIGHT NOW.... I feel like ending it. I already tried to a couple weeks ago, but he begged & almost cried.. "I dont wanna be just friends, I want to be with you" is all he could say. I've actually tried numerous times to let go, knowing it was wrong.. But he kept coming back & I couldn't help myself & get back with him... FML
MissBee Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Oh nooooo, he just text me and said he was on his way to my place RIGHT NOW.... I feel like ending it. I already tried to a couple weeks ago, but he begged & almost cried.. "I dont wanna be just friends, I want to be with you" is all he could say. I've actually tried numerous times to let go, knowing it was wrong.. But he kept coming back & I couldn't help myself & get back with him... FML I think you should muster up the strength and end it as tactfully as possible and ignore his crying and so on. He'll get over it. I was devastated when my ex and I broke up...BUT it all worked out for the best and I THANK GOD it ended! As long as you tell him the truth and end it respectfully, that's what matters. You can't be with someone who is essentially guilt tripping you into being with them. Tell him it is no longer working, you appreciate him and your time together, but you want something else and are asking him to respect that. Then leave him alone no matter his crying. It sounds harsh but you need to do it for you. He is a big boy he'll be just fine.
Mimolicious Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Wow, hearing the truth sure does hurt. I remember hearing that a 51 year old actor just married a 16 year old girl. I wonder how that will play out..? Is it true love or is he just infatuated with her? Sorry I didn't answer some questions- but by "moving in" he meant he wanted to get a place together. His wife is disabled, she had a stroke a few years ago & things went downhill from there. Or so he tells me...... I question everything he tells me. Yes, I'm very unsure of myself. I still feel like I haven't found "myself" just yet. Those were his exact words... He can send me to the moon and back. Everything is just making more sense to me. I dread going back to work & seeing him now. My perspective is changing drastically just by hearing what you guys have to say... Because I knew some of this in my heart already, hearing it from other people just confirms it. Thanks again. Oh how adorable of him! His wife is disable due to illness, and he goes after 20 y/olds. Think for a second, you are young and healthy now, life is very very very (did I say very?) unpredictable. This is a HUGE RED FLAG that this guy is a pig. If you think that at eventually this R will make you feel any less "unsure" of yourself, think again!!!!!!!! You're bugging. RUN AND RUN FAST BABYGIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He sounds like perfect prospect for an episode of "How to catch a predator". Don't fall for his cheap talk. Find yourself a hot young guy that can help you grow, not someone to make you old.
Mimolicious Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Oh nooooo, he just text me and said he was on his way to my place RIGHT NOW.... I feel like ending it. I already tried to a couple weeks ago, but he begged & almost cried.. "I dont wanna be just friends, I want to be with you" is all he could say. I've actually tried numerous times to let go, knowing it was wrong.. But he kept coming back & I couldn't help myself & get back with him... FML Yeap! FYL is right... And it will stay this way if you drag a$$. Change that!
fascinated Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Relationships should be balanced, imo. Him taking care of you will likely lead to you both feeling stuck and miserable, unable to get out without guilt. You need space. Him moving in would be a recipe for disaster!
waytogo Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Wow, hearing the truth sure does hurt. I remember hearing that a 51 year old actor just married a 16 year old girl. I wonder how that will play out..? Is it true love or is he just infatuated with her? Sorry I didn't answer some questions- but by "moving in" he meant he wanted to get a place together. His wife is disabled, she had a stroke a few years ago & things went downhill from there. Or so he tells me...... I question everything he tells me. Yes, I'm very unsure of myself. I still feel like I haven't found "myself" just yet. Those were his exact words... He can send me to the moon and back. Everything is just making more sense to me. I dread going back to work & seeing him now. My perspective is changing drastically just by hearing what you guys have to say... Because I knew some of this in my heart already, hearing it from other people just confirms it. Thanks again. Welcome Loveletters, 2 questions please. by "moving in" he meant he wanted to get a place together. His wife said he could take the kids. Did he have in mind for you 2 to start your lives living with his kids? You come across as sweet. I promise you you couldn't be sweet enough for them not to resent you and him if he leaves their mother in any amount of a disabled state for a woman in her 20's. His wife is disabled, she had a stroke a few years ago & things went downhill from there. Please know, a person of any age can have a stroke or any disabling illness or accident. I certainly hope this will never be you. The possibility is out there for anyone. Just knowing that, could you really feel safe with him after seeing 1st hand how he handles such a situation? I'll share with you, 1 reason I left my xMM situation was because if he ever had such issues I wouldn't be able to see to someone I loved. If I ever had such misfortune I would have cut off my chances of having someone who would see me thru and it wouldn't have been possible for xMM to do it if he wanted to. You've seen 1st hand, your MM could but is choosing otherwise. Please know you can come back here and say you couldn't go thru with it when he showed up. Must if not all of us understand and are interested to know how you are doing. It took me months to know it was best to end and actually do it. As encouragement, the right man came along sooner than I would have expected. Good luck!
whichwayisup Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 You guys are so right... I haven't talked to anyone about this at all, so it was eating me up inside not knowing & questioning certain things. It's hard for me to let go once I have feelings for a person. Also, I've dated around & have seen other guys after my break up, but none of them struck me the way he did. I already know deep inside, in the back of my mind that it's not going to last. THANK YOU The thing is, he is taken. A man who has a family and IF true, a wife who is unwell and disabled due to a stroke. And he has two young kids to look after. WTF is he doing chasing you?? Hmm, I know. EGO FEED. His life sucks, he may be real unhappy so he is hanging onto you because YOU make him feel good. He isn't thinking with his (right) head. It isn't goin to last and you are going to be hurt. imagine your whole family finding out that you were/are having an affair with a MM with an ill wife, and 2 kids??? How would that go over? Think about it. Don't let him manipulate you! He will do and say anything to keep you interested and he WILL make you promises he's in NO position to make.
fooled once Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I know you want to think age doesn't matter - but it does. What could you possibly have in common with him? He has children closer to your age than he is. You may want kids; I am betting he won't. This is just so icky in so many ways. You haven't even BEGUN to live your life and you want to throw it all away on a 53 year old man who is probably older than your father! Can you image introducing him to your parents; after explaining he is married to a woman who has had a stroke and he has 2 youngish kids? So instead of taking care of his wife and kids, he is off playing footsie with you? Can you not see how disgusting that is? I highly HIGHLY doubt his wife is going to hand the kids over to him. Most decent mothers do not do that. And do you really want to raise their kids? Do you have any idea how utterly hard and heartbreaking being a step parent is? These kids will not accept you as a "mom", heck, you will have no idea how to deal with the issues they will go through. You are way, way too young to do this to yourself. No, you can't be his "friend". You can be a co-worker, but that's it. He is a predator - he has cheated before and he will cheat again. This is just all so sick. I cannot believe he leaves his wife to deal with her health and the kids so he can go play with you!!! That alone shows you the character of this man. He will not be accepted by your friends. You have so much growing to do. I do believe you are naive. You have taken all his words at "face value" and he knows how to manipulate you because he has had other women before. He knows what to say and you have fallen for it hook, line and sinker!!! Tell him to go away and leave you be. Tell him you want more out of life than a man 30 years older than you. I think you need counseling. You went from one controlling man to a manipulative man. I know you think he is just so sweet, so caring, so loving, etc. But a man doesn't treat his wife the way he is treating her -- so disrespectful and such a classless human being. I hope his wife takes him to the cleaners, IF there is even a divorce. This guy is robbing you of a normal relationship and one day you WILL look back at this and wish you never got involved with someone more than double your age and let alone married with young kids. He is NOT leaving his wife and kids. He is looking for an affair, it's that simple. Right now it sort of bothers you, fast forward 10 years from now, how it will bother you then? You'll be so young and he'll be close to retirement age, possibly have health issues.. Imagine being married to him, maybe having a few kids with him, AND you'd be step mom to HIS kids too! This is a receipe for disaster and sorry to say this, he IS using you, even if he loves you after four months, this affair aka relationship as you call it, is going no where. The age difference alone right now IS an issue, will he hang out with your friends, your family? Will they accept him? He's been around the block and lived life for so long and you haven't. I don't mean that as a knock towards you, it's just that he has much more experience overall than you and been through everything you haven't yet.. End it now before you get in deeper. Hopefully, you never have health issues either because you can see how "loyal" he is to his wife. What a sick, sick person You are 23... I beg you to live. Enjoy the freedom that is your youth. Do not waste it on one man because he makes you feel valued. You have to live to find out your worth. No man can make you feel valued. You have to do that for yourself. Step away from this man and look at his life. He has lived. You haven't even begun to live. Don't get involved with someone who's life is coming to an end when yours is just beginning. When the office makes jokes about his life. You should know that his track record is a hot mess. Don't add yourself to the list. Take the pencil and scratch your name off. Stay away form his man juice. God only knows how many other of your coworkers are in his stew. Just nasty. Think of it that way hun. Great post Emme.
Author loveletters Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 Wow, I feel like I am being condemned to hell for getting involved with him. I've thought of all the possibilities. Me being 30, him turning 60. I just knew that it wouldn't last. I wanna protect myself from being hurt. But yes, I did end things yesterday. I felt a deep urging to do so, like a previous post said.. before it get's even deeper. I know I will never in my life do such a thing like this again. It hurts too much, even though there were good times. Oh, and he did end up whining & saying the same thing over... "I don't wanna be just friends.." But I definitely gave him the boot. Thank god it was 4 months ONLY. I couldn't see myself waiting YEARS or anything like that. I do have a ton of guy friends my age who still want to date me... I'm just not attracted to any of them at the moment. I think I do need healing... almost 8 years with my High School sweetheart.. I still love him despite everything we went through. We have no contact though.... Thank you for listening to my story & helping me make the right decision. (PS) As much as I want to stay strong & positive for myself.. I think PMS is definitely getting to me... I feel heartbroken but will remain adamant about my choice.
Mimolicious Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 You'll be fine! Just buy a tube of Ben-Gay and every time you feel down just smell it. That would have been your bedroom aroma, honey. :lmao: Good luck!
whichwayisup Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Wow, I feel like I am being condemned to hell for getting involved with him. I've thought of all the possibilities. Me being 30, him turning 60. I just knew that it wouldn't last. I wanna protect myself from being hurt. But yes, I did end things yesterday. I felt a deep urging to do so, like a previous post said.. before it get's even deeper. I know I will never in my life do such a thing like this again. It hurts too much, even though there were good times. Oh, and he did end up whining & saying the same thing over... "I don't wanna be just friends.." But I definitely gave him the boot. Thank god it was 4 months ONLY. I couldn't see myself waiting YEARS or anything like that. I do have a ton of guy friends my age who still want to date me... I'm just not attracted to any of them at the moment. I think I do need healing... almost 8 years with my High School sweetheart.. I still love him despite everything we went through. We have no contact though.... Thank you for listening to my story & helping me make the right decision. (PS) As much as I want to stay strong & positive for myself.. I think PMS is definitely getting to me... I feel heartbroken but will remain adamant about my choice. Noone is condemning you, we all just don't want to see you get hurt and taken in by this guy. His life is slowing down and yours is just beginning! He's going to retire and want to relax, and you'll be wanting to experience life and go places, travelling and be active. Have your own children, your own family.. You're very strong, so be proud of yourself. You've done the right thing for yourself, as painful as it is and how crappy you feel now, in time you will heal and feel a lot better.
waytogo Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 You did GREAT LL! It wasn't easy I'm sure. What's in front, even if not ideal, as apposed to what's unknown is a hard choice. Be very proud of you. As you can see, many of us are proud for you and in your corner. Sorry if I'm off, but you are 23 I think? You have so much time to shape your world as you want it. You just made a great decision tho difficult. You mastered this this soon with such maturity. I dare the world to try to stand in your way . You've shown you can take care of yourself and circumstances.
fooled once Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Noone is condemning you, we all just don't want to see you get hurt and taken in by this guy. His life is slowing down and yours is just beginning! He's going to retire and want to relax, and you'll be wanting to experience life and go places, travelling and be active. Have your own children, your own family.. You're very strong, so be proud of yourself. You've done the right thing for yourself, as painful as it is and how crappy you feel now, in time you will heal and feel a lot better. I totally agree. You did to the right thing; life is out there - go grab it! you don't have to be dating. Take time to work on YOU; get over your previous boyfriend. Enjoy the solitude and getting to know who YOU are. Make your life worth more than just the next guy you date.
Author loveletters Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 I'm definitely being truthful that I ended things with him. It's so hard as he is my second We worked with each other today, I walked right into the locker room to hang my things up and I saw him walking down the stairs with a huge frown on his face, but I thought to myself... whatever, he's faking it. Because I trust my gut instinct. Later on in the day he kept approaching me, flirting & just wouldn't leave me alone as if my word wasn't real... like we were still together. He came out of the area he was working in & he said "Do you mind if I talk to you for a minute?" I said "I dont care right now.." He got mad, and said "Yes or no??" I said "I DONT CARE" & he got even more mad and stormed away. He kept coming out to my area for small-talk, which was getting on my nerves BIG TIME. He even had the nerve to ask for a kiss! I denied him though. He was trying so hard to "seduce" me.... He said, "I smell good for you today.. what do you think?" - He was wearing the cologne that I always loved. It just hurt to know that things will never work out. I understood this from the beginning but started getting hopeful somewhere in the middle of our relationship, which SUCKED because I knew in the back of my mind (still do) that it's just not meant to be. You ladies are right, he broke my heart & hurt me, because I did find out today that he never filed for divorce. I told him, "I'm relieved that it's over.. you hurt me, you never did the things you said you were gonna do" And all he could say was, "I'm sorry, you are the last person I want to hurt" He kept saying that OVER and OVER but I could read through his emotionless apologies that he really didn't give a damn. Towards the end of his shift I kept seeing him come out to my area to try to get my attention....... I asked him "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? JUST LEAVE ME ALONE" and he said "OKAY BABY NO MORE" I don't even want him to call me that anymore! He even asked me if he could still text me in the mornings..... "Good Morning" Which he did EVERY day for the past 5 months. I said NO... And he said "Why are you hurting me like this?" And oh boy, did I go on a RANT about feeling HURT! He didn't wanna hear it.... He kept saying "Sorry..sorry...I'm so sorry." And I have these stupid pictures of us on my computer, I just want to erase everything... I regret him so bad. A lesson definitely learned. Ahhhhhhh I'm so HURT/RELIEVED/HEARTBROKEN/SAD/UPSET & everything else in the book that comes with a break up. I have moments where I'm like "EFF THIS, I'M YOUNG AND TOO DAMN PRETTY FOR THIS SHYT" as self-centered as that sounds......... I just want to feel better already....
Tenacity Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I'm definitely being truthful that I ended things with him. It's so hard as he is my second We worked with each other today, I walked right into the locker room to hang my things up and I saw him walking down the stairs with a huge frown on his face, but I thought to myself... whatever, he's faking it. Because I trust my gut instinct. Later on in the day he kept approaching me, flirting & just wouldn't leave me alone as if my word wasn't real... like we were still together. He came out of the area he was working in & he said "Do you mind if I talk to you for a minute?" I said "I dont care right now.." He got mad, and said "Yes or no??" I said "I DONT CARE" & he got even more mad and stormed away. He kept coming out to my area for small-talk, which was getting on my nerves BIG TIME. He even had the nerve to ask for a kiss! I denied him though. He was trying so hard to "seduce" me.... He said, "I smell good for you today.. what do you think?" - He was wearing the cologne that I always loved. It just hurt to know that things will never work out. I understood this from the beginning but started getting hopeful somewhere in the middle of our relationship, which SUCKED because I knew in the back of my mind (still do) that it's just not meant to be. You ladies are right, he broke my heart & hurt me, because I did find out today that he never filed for divorce. I told him, "I'm relieved that it's over.. you hurt me, you never did the things you said you were gonna do" And all he could say was, "I'm sorry, you are the last person I want to hurt" He kept saying that OVER and OVER but I could read through his emotionless apologies that he really didn't give a damn. Towards the end of his shift I kept seeing him come out to my area to try to get my attention....... I asked him "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? JUST LEAVE ME ALONE" and he said "OKAY BABY NO MORE" I don't even want him to call me that anymore! He even asked me if he could still text me in the mornings..... "Good Morning" Which he did EVERY day for the past 5 months. I said NO... And he said "Why are you hurting me like this?" And oh boy, did I go on a RANT about feeling HURT! He didn't wanna hear it.... He kept saying "Sorry..sorry...I'm so sorry." And I have these stupid pictures of us on my computer, I just want to erase everything... I regret him so bad. A lesson definitely learned. Ahhhhhhh I'm so HURT/RELIEVED/HEARTBROKEN/SAD/UPSET & everything else in the book that comes with a break up. I have moments where I'm like "EFF THIS, I'M YOUNG AND TOO DAMN PRETTY FOR THIS SHYT" as self-centered as that sounds......... I just want to feel better already.... WOW!!!! You go, girl!!!! What a strong woman! You are in control. Do NOT back down and do NOT give him the control back! You are doing fantastic. I wish I were in your shoes and was your age again... enjoy it!
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