7 months NC....my story, my doubts...my vent...

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So..its been 7 months since I broke up with my bf, and 7 months of NC...We had a r-ship for one year, then I left for my university in another country, and our distance r-ship lasted for another 6 months...or actually, I streched the break-up for 6 months, since I failed to admit and beleive that he was no longer into it and no longer loved me...He kept texting me from time to time saying that he loved me and missed me but then I found out that he's been dating another girl for 5 months already, and now they've been together for a year...he dumped me for her in the end, lots of lies popped up, lots of cheating from his side (I never cheated on him), and lots of stories I would rather not know...I waited, cried and suffered for 6 months, since he never wanted to call me, and barely picked up the phone...I was pleading and begging him to visit me, because I didnt have that much money to visit him....and even though he always came up with some excuse, I worked late shifts after my university, and visited him 3 times...I fully dedicated to him, and even though I saw him constantly texting with some girl, saw pictures of her on his computer, I refused to realize that he was cheating on me with her...I loved him with my entire heart...But then, the situation became too obvious, and I admitted to myself that he was cheating.I was tired of crying and waiting, and confronted him....he didnt want to break the r-ship..I still dont know why, maybe because he felt guilty...but then, I told him...either he dumps that girl and stays with me, either he breaks up with me..Well, he wanted to keep us both, saying that he loves us both, but I couldnt take it...we broke up...he broke up with me, because I lost my mind at some point..I was screaming, crying, calling him 50 times in a row..he told me I was crazy, and left me...I went NC.....I was releived in a way, since I knew the whole truth and I knew he wasnt worth it....even though I knew it, I was hoping he would come back...I was at least hoping he would say sorry...but he didnt....its been 7 months since that day we broke up, and I havent heard a single "peep" from him....How have these 7 months been going? well, we broke up 10 days before my b-day, and he didnt even congratulate me....when it was his b-day, I worked my ass off and visited him with presents....I was so sad on my b-day (its just 3 days after x-mas), that he didnt even say anything...He gave me so many empty promises...God....well, the first month was hard..reaally hard....I didnt have the temptation to text him, but I was waiting for him to write....I was checking my email a few times a day, checking my phone constantly....and when it rang, I was hoping it was him...but it wasnt....Then, I thought I was slowly going crazy...I decided that I will let him go, and I have to heal, therefore I decided to live my life, hook up with guys and never care....On my 2nd NC month, I hooked up with a guy I liked....It helped me not thinking of my ex for about 3-4 days, but then all the thoughts came back...the guy I hooked up with, turned out to be a complete jerk, so I regreted it a few days after I did it...Plus it didnt releive me for a long time....Time went by, I kept checking my ex bf's profile..checking his new pictures with his new gf, the one he cheated on me with..I was devastated, I hoped that they would break up soon and he would at least apologize to me, cause I put my entire soul and heart into him ....But months went on, and I still kept thinking of him....I wasnt missing him or wanting him back anymore...but I kept on checking his stupid profile, in order to follow up on his life....what was he doing, what parties did he go to....On my 4th month of NC, I met another guy....I didnt really like him, but he was availible....not my type at all...Since I was still so into thinking about my ex, I went into a r-ship with that guy, hoping he would give me love and care, and I would soon forget about my ex..But that didnt turn to be so at all...that guy was a jerk too..Thank God I didnt fall in love with him, but he still managed to mess around with my emotions..He didnt give me the love and attention I needed, he wasnt the one listening to me and caring about me...he wasnt even in love with me, but just attracted to me....and as soon as his attraction cooled down, he dumped me...it happened after another 2 months....Now, its been 7 months NC....and here I am, alone....everything I tried to do to escape my depression and heal my emotional wounds, only agravated the situation..Of course Im not crying anymore...Im not missing anyone anymore..But im just feeling empty..Like as if everybody around me has found his happiness, and my every attempt to find happiness has a bad ending...I lowered my standards for guys and went on dating a guy I didnt really like, hoping that he had a kind heart and personality...but for some reason life keeps slapping me...I still keep checking my ex's profile, even though his new pictures with his new gf dont bother me anymore...I dont even know why am I checking it...is it a habbit? and obsession? I dont know...Seems like I cant be completely happy by myself...Im not in harmony with myself...Of course, Im not crying every night anymore, and Im not missing anyone..I am smiling, laughing, having a good time with my friends.....but there are still thoughts bothering me..Im still wondering why did my ex never contact me...why this, why that....why did I deserve all this **** happening to me...Do you guys think Im still depressed? How do I get out of this?......I cant be happy by myself...I constantly need someone to get over someone else..I feel sad sometimes, sometimes I have tears in my eyes, and I dont even know why.....seems like Im missing something in my life...but I dont know what...I dont even know why Im writing all this here...I guess Im just in a conflict with myself...