Hot Chick Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 this guy who is 16 years older than I am is very interested. I don't feel an instant attraction, but kind of wonder what it might be like to date him. Thoughts? I don't know if I can get over the intense age difference....(I'm 35, he's 51).
Feelin Frisky Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 That's a fairly routine thing for a woman your age. My best friend just turned 56 and recentlyt married a 36 year old. They are very in love. He should be mature enough by that age. PS: Welcome to LS.
Girlygirl1977 Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 That's a fairly routine thing for a woman your age. My best friend just turned 56 and recentlyt married a 36 year old. They are very in love. He should be mature enough by that age. PS: Welcome to LS. Out of curiosity, is it your friend's first marriage? I'm in NY and have been discussing this type of age difference with friends recently (well not as big a difference but close). We are 1-2 yrs younger than the OP. The thing I find is often if the guy has been never married, they are much less likely to commit. So I was just curious about your friend and maybe I'm off?
Feelin Frisky Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Out of curiosity, is it your friend's first marriage? I'm in NY and have been discussing this type of age difference with friends recently (well not as big a difference but close). We are 1-2 yrs younger than the OP. The thing I find is often if the guy has been never married, they are much less likely to commit. So I was just curious about your friend and maybe I'm off? Yes it is his first marriage but I wouldn't say that's because of any commitment phobia. He's always been quirky--brilliant intellectually but eccentric. The woman has three kids by someone else and she loves this guy so figure her motivations. We are all native NYers although I bailed to Virginia last year.
Girlygirl1977 Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Yes it is his first marriage but I wouldn't say that's because of any commitment phobia. He's always been quirky--brilliant intellectually but eccentric. The woman has three kids by someone else and she loves this guy so figure her motivations. We are all native NYers although I bailed to Virginia last year. Interesting. What did it for him this time (as far as this relationship versus others)? What was special about them together?
Feelin Frisky Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Interesting. What did it for him this time (as far as this relationship versus others)? What was special about them together? He's very short on details. They had been seeing each other for a good 5 or 6 years and maybe that was enough to say the hell with it--let's just face that we're not going anywhere away from each other. There's a economy to living in the same domicile too. I have no idea how close they really are but is must be pretty close. She's not much of a conversationist so no help there.
Author Hot Chick Posted July 5, 2011 Author Posted July 5, 2011 This guy has been married twice....he was divorced 4 years ago so not so worried about that, but I was thinking he may not want commitment since he had been married over 20 years total....
Author Hot Chick Posted July 5, 2011 Author Posted July 5, 2011 He's very short on details. They had been seeing each other for a good 5 or 6 years and maybe that was enough to say the hell with it--let's just face that we're not going anywhere away from each other. There's a economy to living in the same domicile too. I have no idea how close they really are but is must be pretty close. She's not much of a conversationist so no help there. Maybe because she is younger and good in bed?
Author Hot Chick Posted July 5, 2011 Author Posted July 5, 2011 thanks, I am thinking that anything over 45 really is older than I want to go...and I will go a few years younger, too....guess it couldn't hurt to try to go out with this guy but I don't know since I don't feel the "spark" right now, how will I feel it later....
Andy_K Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I'd go anything from 8 or 9 years younger, up to perhaps zero years older. And only that high if she's awesome beyond words.
tb24 Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I think your age has a bearing on how far you can go either way. I'm 25, I'd probably go up to about 5 years older. Though my last girlfriend was 7 years younger, I wouldn't go any younger than that, because then she'd be 17 Generally I prefer younger girls to older girls though. Probably because I'm not hugely experienced and I certainly don't act or look 25
nandesuka Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Your max of 45... vs 51... sounds pretty close to me. At your age of 35, sounds fine. It's not like you're still in your twenties. Try it, if you don't like it, move on...
Eeyore79 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 It depends on your life goals. If you don't want children, or have children already and don't want any more, an older man might be a good match for you. If you still want children, I'd say 51 is a little old. I don't have children and want some, so late thirties is my maximum age limit for a partner. Also I'm looking for a lasting relationship, so I consider how the relationship would be in 10-20-30 years time. If I was 35 like you, I'd be concerned about committing to a man of 51 and winding up being his carer in 20 years time (when I'm only in my fifties and still relatively young), and being widowed by 60 (so I'd have to spend my later years alone).
LexiB Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Normally my max is 7 years but I have dated someone 11 years older than me. He actually looked & acted like he was my age though, so it was an easy exception to make.
Cee Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I had LTRs with men 16 years older than me. I was most paranoid about health issues since my Dad died young. But they were in perfect health and I got over the fear. Now I don't adhere to age as a guideline for compatibility. I'm in a relationship with a much younger man now. Neither of us want children and our intellectual/emotional compatibility is very high. And that is much more important than age which is only a number to me. I know it's tempting to try to weed people out not to get hurt. But if you do that, you risk letting a good man slip away. I suggest you take it slow and see what happens.
thehead Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I'll date a woman into her 40s (ten or more years older than me) but won't go much younger on the other end of the scale. I'm 30 and women I've dated in their early 20s are still figuring themselves out. 26-44 is my range.
Spices Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I'm dating a guy who's almost 11 years older than me. The age thing doesn't bother me (I actually prefer older men), except for the fact that he act's a bit like a dad at times.
make me believe Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I'm 28 and my husband is 5 years older than me. He's the oldest person I've ever been with, and I think 5 years is probably as high as I'd go. Maybe a couple more, but nothing beyond that. 16 years would be way too much for me. One thing that I always consider is later in life -- I don't want to be that much younger (or older) than my partner in our later years. Men already die first and now he's got a 16 year headstart on you! I also can't see myself being attracted to an older man.
tigressA Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 My BF is 6 years older than me, which is significantly older than I ever thought I was capable of dating, and I would never go older than that. As for dating younger I would never go under 21. I'm 24.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I'm 34. In the past, I mostly dated very close to my own age. All of my serious partners so far have been 1-2 years older. After some not-serious dating with older and younger guys, I am open to dating different ages. Since I would like the option of having a family, and I want a mature guy who knows what he's doing, my ideal is 35-38. I would be with someone younger, provided he was mature and wanted a committed relationship -- I'd consider as young as about 25. I would think the main benefits of younger would be energy and sexual stamina, and the main drawback would be immaturity. I would date a guy in his 40s for fun, but would have a hard time considering him for long-term, given the reproductive limitations.
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