aliceinchains Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I am a new member, registered because of this problem. Are open relationships really common? I have been dating this girl for 3 months now, and we have been quite sexual she is interested in staying with me, but wants to sleep with other guys, and says I can sleep with other girls. I don't really want to do that, it does not feel right, she insists that other people are doing it. I told her I'd think about it. Is this something I should try? We both really like each other, but I think this could jeopardize our relationship
bml929 Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 After how long of dating did you start to have sex with her?
hendersongirl Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 If you are not comfortable with it - DON'T DO IT! It can work, I've seen it work. But ONLY IF both(/all) parties are genuinely GENUINELY keen to make the open relationship work. Both open and monogamous relationships take a lot of (different sorts of) work, and both can cause heartbreak when the partners do not have the same understanding, and/or are not honest with one another. If one of you wants open, and the other wants monogamous, well, that's a reasonably big incompatibility (depending on how strongly each of you feel about your preference).
ice salamander Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 You're lucky she didn't leave you in the dark. Here's a little secret most men don't know these days... ALL girls have someone else on the side. They have the ex bf they're sucking off. The guy who takes them to dinner and shopping that she blows in the car. She has a mass of schmuck guys willing to do anything for her just for a couple crumbs. So get used to it. The only way you can stop this if you start getting attention from a lot of women then she begs for exclusivity. If I were you I'd screw the hell out of her then start looking for other women. This is why being a player in today's feminine society is the only way to go.
Feelin Frisky Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 You're lucky she didn't leave you in the dark. Here's a little secret most men don't know these days... ALL girls have someone else on the side. They have the ex bf they're sucking off. The guy who takes them to dinner and shopping that she blows in the car. She has a mass of schmuck guys willing to do anything for her just for a couple crumbs. So get used to it. The only way you can stop this if you start getting attention from a lot of women then she begs for exclusivity. If I were you I'd screw the hell out of her then start looking for other women. This is why being a player in today's feminine society is the only way to go. I hope I never become that cynical. But I have to say, I laughed reading your post. To the OP: Nothing anyone says here about the prevalence of open relationships will be an accurate statement on knowledge. I would take this woman's assertion as a sign of not meaning all that much to her. If you're OK with keeping it just for sex and no great attachment, then go for it. If you want a committed relationship, keep looking.
Sanman Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I hope I never become that cynical. But I have to say, I laughed reading your post. To the OP: Nothing anyone says here about the prevalence of open relationships will be an accurate statement on knowledge. I would take this woman's assertion as a sign of not meaning all that much to her. If you're OK with keeping it just for sex and no great attachment, then go for it. If you want a committed relationship, keep looking. Agreed on all counts.
shadowofman Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Well I don't know if your my ex's new man. But I'm still having sex with her. I think open relationships are common at the start of a relationship, before people define anything. And at the end of a relationship. When the couple no longer cares about anything anymore and they just start relationships with other people on the side. Other than that, it's a rare woman that actually wants an open relationship.
oaks Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Is this something I should try? I'm tempted to say that if you have to ask then it's probably not a great idea. Some things to consider... If she's sleeping with you and with other guys, is her relationship with you the same as, or different from, her relationship with the other guys? There's a difference between being in an open relationship and seeing other people, and just having casual sex with everyone. Make sure you know what sort of relationship (if any) you're in.Are you (and her) going to disclose sexual partners to each other, or is it a "don't ask don't tell don't want to know" arrangement? (Best to clarify that up front.)I'm sure you'll be practising safe sex, but if multiple partners are involved don't forget to get tested regularly (and ask her if she's going to - the correct answer is "yes").
rafallus Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I hope I never become that cynical. But I have to say, I laughed reading your post. To the OP: Nothing anyone says here about the prevalence of open relationships will be an accurate statement on knowledge. I would take this woman's assertion as a sign of not meaning all that much to her. If you're OK with keeping it just for sex and no great attachment, then go for it. If you want a committed relationship, keep looking.Truth. Keep screwing her if you want to, but for the love of God, don't develop feelings - you might as well put your dick in the meat grinder for comparable sensations.
Author aliceinchains Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 Just an update: I broke things off with her, she was cheating on me for the last 3 months wow. How did I not see that? I moved to Vancouver to get a job which isn't as good as I thought it was going to be. I miss my original girlfriend back home who was also my best friend before we dated, I want to move back.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I am a new member, registered because of this problem. Are open relationships really common? I have been dating this girl for 3 months now, and we have been quite sexual she is interested in staying with me, but wants to sleep with other guys, and says I can sleep with other girls. I don't really want to do that, it does not feel right, she insists that other people are doing it. I told her I'd think about it. Is this something I should try? We both really like each other, but I think this could jeopardize our relationship If you're going to be involved in an open relationship, my advice it don't treat it as a "real" relationship. Think of the girl purely as a booty girl, not a GF or even a friend. That is the only way an open relationship can work. If you have strong feelings for her, I would advise against it.
OldOnTheInside Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I hope I never become that cynical. But I have to say, I laughed reading your post. To the OP: Nothing anyone says here about the prevalence of open relationships will be an accurate statement on knowledge. I would take this woman's assertion as a sign of not meaning all that much to her. If you're OK with keeping it just for sex and no great attachment, then go for it. If you want a committed relationship, keep looking. Very true. I broke things off with her, she was cheating on me for the last 3 months wow. How did I not see that? Hopefully you've learnt from this. Something about "character reading" and all that.
bluenightowl Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 You're lucky she didn't leave you in the dark. Here's a little secret most men don't know these days... ALL girls have someone else on the side. They have the ex bf they're sucking off. The guy who takes them to dinner and shopping that she blows in the car. She has a mass of schmuck guys willing to do anything for her just for a couple crumbs. So get used to it. The only way you can stop this if you start getting attention from a lot of women then she begs for exclusivity. If I were you I'd screw the hell out of her then start looking for other women. This is why being a player in today's feminine society is the only way to go. This is BS.. ALL girls no way... some girls, yes. Clearly you have not met some wonderful women... or are jaded to the max. You words speak volumes about you as much as the women you have dated.
bluenightowl Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I think open relationships are extremely common. As long as there is no talk of fidelity and exclusivity most girls are dating several other guys at the same time they date you. NO. Dating several ppl is not the same as an open relationship. Actually most girls want to be exclusive more than men IMHO. An open relationship is a completely different ball game, because you are talking about it.. like casual sex can be perfectly fine if you both want the same thing. I sense you (original poster) don't want an open relationship, so just say no. You have to look out for you. Why bend to her. You will find someone with the same values as yourself.
Mutant Debutante Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Well, a lot of people I know have tried open relationships. For most of us it didn't work out because of jealousy or weird dynamics like your interest getting shifted entirely to another person, BUT I do know some people who make it work. They work super hard at it though, it seems like more work than just agreeing to be monogamous, they're really into airing out all their insecurities and talking about everything for, like, hours and hours. I'm all for good communication but that's just over the top for me. Anyway, I did read your update so I guess it's a moot point. The particular girl you're talking about wasn't into open relationships, she was just a player. You should give Vancouver more of a chance though it's a gorgeous city. I'd love to live there.
TheCoolest Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 You're lucky she didn't leave you in the dark. Here's a little secret most men don't know these days... ALL girls have someone else on the side. They have the ex bf they're sucking off. The guy who takes them to dinner and shopping that she blows in the car. She has a mass of schmuck guys willing to do anything for her just for a couple crumbs. So get used to it. The only way you can stop this if you start getting attention from a lot of women then she begs for exclusivity. If I were you I'd screw the hell out of her then start looking for other women. This is why being a player in today's feminine society is the only way to go. Wow you are full of BS and that is coming from a dude who used to be quite the player himself. Girls who have men on the side are what I like to call sluts. And it is not that hard to spot one. Women unlike men like to have an emotional connection with who they are with. Women don't have emotional connections with there exes or random dudes therefore having sex wouldn't be nearly as fun with them as it would be with the man they loved. Just because you can only pull slutty women doesn't mean everyone else is in the same boat. Op it depends. Do you want an open relationship? I personally could never do that. I would love to have my pick of women BUT i could never allow a woman that i was dating to have sex with other men. So i stay faithful knowing that she does the same. The thought of another man have sex with my girlfriend doesn't sit well with me at all. So if you don't like it then you need to move on. And honestly a girl who can't be happy with just me doesn't seem like the dating type anyway.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 This is BS.. ALL girls no way... some girls, yes. Clearly you have not met some wonderful women... or are jaded to the max. You words speak volumes about you as much as the women you have dated. In general terms he is right. Most girls cheat at some point. Since you don't date them... I wouldn't expect you to know.
ruffster Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Wow you are full of BS and that is coming from a dude who used to be quite the player himself. Girls who have men on the side are what I like to call sluts. And it is not that hard to spot one. Women unlike men like to have an emotional connection with who they are with. Women don't have emotional connections with there exes or random dudes therefore having sex wouldn't be nearly as fun with them as it would be with the man they loved. Just because you can only pull slutty women doesn't mean everyone else is in the same boat. Op it depends. Do you want an open relationship? I personally could never do that. I would love to have my pick of women BUT i could never allow a woman that i was dating to have sex with other men. So i stay faithful knowing that she does the same. The thought of another man have sex with my girlfriend doesn't sit well with me at all. So if you don't like it then you need to move on. And honestly a girl who can't be happy with just me doesn't seem like the dating type anyway. I second what TheCoolest said!!!
P&R Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Just an update: I broke things off with her, she was cheating on me for the last 3 months wow. How did I not see that? I moved to Vancouver to get a job which isn't as good as I thought it was going to be. I miss my original girlfriend back home who was also my best friend before we dated, I want to move back. Cheating? You got it wrong my friend. Unless you had talk about any kind of exlusivity/monogamy with this girl there is no cheating to speak of.
rafallus Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 But having sex with others, even if it isn't technically cheating, is still valid reason to refuse to commit. I've done it once, or maybe even twice, now that I think of (the refusal part).
Taramere Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 (edited) You're lucky she didn't leave you in the dark. Here's a little secret most men don't know these days... ALL girls have someone else on the side. They have the ex bf they're sucking off. The guy who takes them to dinner and shopping that she blows in the car. She has a mass of schmuck guys willing to do anything for her just for a couple crumbs. What a lot of crap. If you are somebody whose dating experience with women stems mainly from the prostitute/client relationship or something very closely related to it, then you are enmeshed in a subculture. Immersing yourself in that subculture, and dating within it is your choice...but it removes you from the mainstream, limits your understanding of most other people's reality...and leaves you incompetent to comment with any degree of knowledge or realism on how women who are part of the mainstream behave within relationships. Edited July 9, 2011 by Taramere
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