MarthaMe Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Dear X, I sit here tonight writing you one last letter I'll never send. I've written many since you walked out of my life 5 months ago to the day. I've cried many nights away and wished many times you would walk back in to my life. The wishing and waiting is over. It's time to move on. I'm giving into the sadness for the last time tonight. I will sit here and cry. I will cry and cry and cry. Mourn you for the last time. I will allow this last self indulging cry and be done. I'm emotionally and physically tired. I am draining myself and holding on to something that I can't have and it's tearing my world apart. No more after tonight. Do you remember when we were young and we would sit on the swings in that small park? We would swing silently for hours. You were the only person I was ever capable of sharing comfortable silences with. I'll miss that. You gave to me an inner peace I have never found anywhere else. Thank you for sharing that with me all these years. Do you remember when you got your license and after school we would drive out to the lake and sit, holding hands, discussing the future? How you said you wanted to run away? Just pack the car up and leave, taking us both far, far away from that small town? Do you remember talking about our future? How you said we would grow old together? Do you remember the day you proposed to me? How you told me that you saw yourself with no one but me? How you wanted to be with me until the day you died? Do you remember how I couldn't stop crying and how you thought it meant that I was going to say no? I couldn't even speak. I could not then, nor now, see myself with anybody but you. You were my first everything and I knew you would be my last. I will love you forever. Is she the one? Was it love at first sight? When you hug her does she melt into you the way I did? When she wakes up in the morning does she reach for you? Do you drive aimlessly around the town holding hands? Does she wake up early to make you breakfast? Does she complete you the way that I once did? Can you see yourselves sitting in an old folks home watching TV and cuddling on a couch? Do you remember the day you told me? Do you remember how I cried and held you and asked how I could fix things? Do you remember the day you decided I wasn't the one? How long ago? How long into the 14 years did you start to feel that? How did it feel to be with me and want to be with her? How did you find the courage to tell me? Did you die inside like I did? When you told me did you die inside? Even a little? I am not angry at you. I never was. I always loved you. I always will. I went on a date last night. He was very nice. I will not see him again. When he dropeed me off at the door and I walked into what used to be our home, I felt as if I betrayed you. I am not ready, and probably won't be for a very long time. Thank you for the years of love you gave me. I'm letting you go now. Tonight I will cry, tomorrow I will smile and tomorrow the real work of moving on begins. Tonight I will cry. I hope you are happy. I hope you really are in love. I hope I never see you again. I hope...
Recommended Posts