Just finished watching "(500) Days of Summer" on HBO...

[hearttopieces]

I just watched this movie yesterday. And when it comes to my break-up, it opened my eyes... But I don' fully agree with the 'he is only to blame for his own pain' perspective.

 

When me and my now ex broke up, I asked him if he ever thought about me as a life partner, and he pretty much admitted that he was never that serious about me. This was one of the most painful things I ever heard in my life, because I couldn't understand WHY would somebody start a relationship if they just wanted casual fun. I couldn't believe somebody would do that (especially consideirng that he is in his 30s, so we are not teenagres or anything).

So it makes absolutely no sense to me. I mean, if you are very horny and hook up with someone for one night, I think I can understand that, although I don't approve. But long term casual fun? I see it as wasting your time. And why would somebody waste their time like that?

 

Anyway, after seeng the movie, I think, regarding my own relationship, perhaps there is no one else to blame, but me? As I was the one who thought all along that we will be together forever and blah blah blah?

 

The thing is, I would like to keep believing that people who start 'casual fun' relationships are the minority who have serious emotional/commitment problems. I would like to believe that it is not the norm. I would like to believe that the guy in the movie did nothing wrong, and she is to blame for all his pain. If you know what I mean. And this is exactly the core of the worst break-up pain. You don't undersand how can a human being be such a monster. And for this reason, I don't think I like the movie (as it 'suggests' the guy can only blame himself for the outcome). But on the other hand, it did open my eyes, and it this sense, it was a good movie for me to watch, as it got me thinking (and I am glad I watched it).

 

Maybe my perception of relationships is about to change? Maybe every time I meet a new guy I should put myself in the mindset of "he doesn't want me anyway, probably he wants only casual fun, so let's be very very careful"? Maybe I should do this next time, instead of just believing that if a person shows attraction and attachment, they do want to be with me (seriously)?

 

And one last note. The guy and the girl in the movie seem quite young. She tells him she wants "nothing serious", thinking it is better to leave that stuff for later. I think she literally says this.

When seeing this scene, I thought, okay, so she considers herself too young to get serious with someone... But only 500 days later she gets married? WTF?

 

The thing is, she just doesn't want to be with him as a couple from the beginning (so she shouldn't have been with him in the first place!). And when she said she wanted to leave the serious stuff for later, she was only making stupid excuses/lying. And liars are bad bad people. The guy did nothing wrong, she was a mean spoiled b***, and she is to blame for everything. So there you go, my theory is justified, you can't blame the poor guy for the pain she caused him.

 

(Sorry guys, I am just very bored today).

Edited July 6, 2011 by hearttopieces

[luminous dreamer]

hmmm... well, my very first post earlier in the week... and I didn't even have my facts right!! geeze!! I had actually missed the first 35 minutes of it!! .... and of course that's when Summer sets the tone for the movie... (I guess I assumed that they were both head-over heals in the beginning and full of promises, etc., etc.) I've always been a big one for NEVER assuming anything.. and there I was assuming!!

 

I had been wanting to watch the movie for a while... and everytime I happened to notice it was on HBO, it only had an hour or so left .... but this time... it seemed like I wouldn't miss much! guess not! So anyway... still, the movie really struck a chord with me... now I'm going to watch it again from start to finish. I really felt bad for Tom. When he left the party, and he was standing there in the road and then it sketched out to black and white... That scene was so powerful. The colorful, happy, relationship he created in his mind turned to stone. Incredibly SAD

[luminous dreamer]

Psyched when I noticed that the movie was playing again on HBO in 30 minutes!! Work-week is finished, just poured a brisk cocktail, gonna sit back, relax, and watch it again.

 

I probably should be out with friends at some Friday-night happy hour... looking for Mr Right... or even Mr. "Right Now"... lol... but I've always been happy in my own skin... don't really need a man to complete me.. (although they are quite FUN)... But for now... the (500) days of Summer will do... and maybe some re-runs of Rescue Me before the new season starts on Wednesday... Have a good Friday everyone.... Weekends are hard, I know... we'll all get through this...

[luminous dreamer]

my 2 cents on the tatoo 'discussion' in this thread... Tatoos are not necessarily a deal-breaker for me... but I don't care for them. No offense to those who love their ink..

[Buttercup84]

My ex watched this a day before he dumped me .I think I was a summer when we met and he was the guy . Then we switched .

[PositiveNegative]

When I broke up with my ex I calculated the days that we were going out for. It was EXACTLY 500 days. I thought about this movie. The character and I actually have very similar music tastes and the first time my ex and I met we connected on a band we both loved. After I first met her I was in the same type of awe that Tom had after the initial meeting. I can relate to Tom in his feelings for Summer and the way the relationship ended. I loved my ex so much more than she loved me in the end. And my ex ended it because to her it just "felt right". Now, I'm left in the same confusion and desperate search for someone similar to my ex....

[luminous dreamer]

Well.... just flipping through channels... and noticed 500 Days of Summer is just now starting on The E! network...... If you've never seen it, or don't have any other plans... it's worth a watch....

[Samilia]

I'm just shy of 3 months of "no contact"... and this movie really resonated with me.

 

It's been mentioned a few times on here.... I recommend it. It illustrates that sometimes there really is "no particular reason" for a breakup or for feelings for another to change... sadly, it can just happen. But then, thankfully, (and when we least expect it) hope can be sparked.

 

Is it that good? I'll watch it, I didn't think it would be that great of a movie so I stayed away. Thanks!

[df1304]

I have this movie on DVD! Unfortunately I have been a Summer before (it wasn't a relationship.. but it almost was) and recently found myself in a position similar to Tom's. I forgot all about the movie but I think I'm going to watch it now for the heck of it... it can't hurt to watch while going through the picking-up-and-moving-on process.

[Samilia]

I watched it. It made me think about the way people tell you "let's not put a tag on what we have", or "I am not looking for a relationship", etc etc.. in the end what we know they mean is "just not with you".

[luminous dreamer]

.... they've been rerunning this on VH1 the last couple of days... I was flipping through channels, and stumbled upon it.... such a great film... and so incredibly real. Love it

[theonlyjuan]

Awesome film and some good tunes in it too.

 

I can't wait to meet my autumn

[tbf]

Didn't like 500 days of Summer. So very tired of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope.

[luminous dreamer]

I loved the soundtrack too! My taste leans towards new country, but this was really great! I even found myself on iTunes looking to download some of the songs...

[Anela]

I didn't like the movie. I remember it saying, "This is not a love story"; it was, only a sad, one-sided love story, and it ended with potential for a real one.

[tinker683]

I ***HATED*** this move. Tom was guilty of projecting a fantasy and Summer was guilty of being a shallow, dishonest manipulator who didn't have any concept of responsibility. Both were guilty and the relationship was good to end

 

God, just thinking about this movie gets my blood boiling. I remember wanting to yell and scream at the screen at the bullsh*t that was unfolding in front of me on th screen.

[Dadremblvin]

I just finished watching this movie too! I have to watch it everytime I see it on tv even though I own it on DVD!

 

The first time I watched it with my now ex...so sad...I remembering saying that was us and I was Tom. He said he didn't see a resemblance, funny!

 

Anyhow, I discussed this movie with my therapist when he mentioned reality and expectations aligning...great movie and I love JGL! Anyone going through a breakup should watch this, I recommend it all the time!

[Sneaky]

Did it help you guys progress? I've been deliberately avoiding media that have to do with romance, which is kind of difficult since nearly everything has at least a romantic subplot.