AngelDollFace Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 (edited) My boyfriend of a year and a half (who had proposed even) broke up with me last Wednesday. He told me he loved me and I could tell he meant it. He said that he wanted to take a break and see each other again soon... he needed to sort his life out he said... lost his job... broke his shoulder two mos ago, etc... and our relationship had problems, but we had survived worse together and I thought we were fine. The break up was unexpected. He told me he would regret losing me so much if I moved on and that he didn't want that to happen yet... then he left.... The next day he had a dating profile online that I saw... I told him I was hurt about it and he apologized and admitted it was stupid ... apology seemed sincere... then the day after that (Friday) I realized he was communicating with a 19 year old girl from Russia that he had just met (after our break up). He is almost 35 (I am 32). He doesn't realize I suppose that I still have his email password. So here I am waiting for him and he is already moving on. The worst part is he is sending this little russian girl all sorts of romantic emails about how he wishes to hold her hand and how she is the best woman ever, etc etc... and he was never a cheater or a liar. I deeply and sincerely love him... And the fact that he moved on so quickly (behind my back) is devastating. I can't grasp it or understand it. It's bad enough he broke up with me but to talk to a girl he barely knows the way he talked to me is awful. And I feel so worthless and confused. How could he move on so fast and how could he already be head over heels with someone else just by emails and skyping with her? Does this mean he never loved me? When we met and fell in love fast I thought it was because I was special... I didn't think it was because he just does that with all women. I can't convey in words how hurt and devastated I am over this. He told me I in a text a few days ago that he couldn't see me in person because I am so beautiful and that he is so attracted to me that he won't be able to resist me. And in a conversation recently on the phone he told me that he broke up with me because he needed to see if something was missing... basically if better was out there. This girl isn't better... she is half his age. He fell for her in a day and seems to have forgotten I exist. I am here in person living close to him and she is some random person on the other side of the world that he will likely never meet. His emails to her sound so excited an thrilled to be talking to her. If he loved me and was as crushed about ending things "temporarily" as he said he was could he really be in such good spirits talking to another girl? He doesn't even seem to remember who I am. I haven't spoken to him in a few days now... and he hasn't spoken to me either. Can someone help me make sense of this? I am confused, angry, hurt, devastated... I feel cheated and wronged in the most intimate way. I know he really loved me so how can he have feelings for someone else so quickly... his feelings for her seem to be genuine. And also please keep in mind. There were no bad words or feelings between us. He keeps telling me how great I am and that he still thinks I might be "the one"... he said that a few days ago. Edited July 4, 2011 by AngelDollFace
wilsonx Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 (edited) i dont know maybe he didnt want to tell you the truth and hurt your feelings about why he was breaking up with you. usually though thats how it happens. very rarely these days do you see a breakup where this isn't the case. if that 19 year old russian girl is for real, it shows his real maturity level. dating younger women i can tell you im never doing it again as it rarely ever works out as they do not know what they want im so sorry that you are going through this but my best advice is for you to step back and give yourself some space and go no contact with him my ex left me for a guy she works with that is 14 years older then her and i cant even grasp that either but oh well Edited July 5, 2011 by wilsonx
Eddie Edirol Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 cant tell you the reasons he broke it off with you, but your situation is pretty typical. He probably emotionally checked out of your relationship for the last six months. Soon you will start to remember little signs that he was distancing himself. So the reason he could move on so quickly, its because he fell out of love with you months ago, and has been planning moving on since then - and faked wit with you until now. Pretty selfish really. But its kinda pathetic that he is dealing with a woman in russia, I can only guess because he couldnt successfully move on with someone here.
Author AngelDollFace Posted July 5, 2011 Author Posted July 5, 2011 Thank you both. It's been so difficult. I was really, really loving and good to him. I am smart, funny, pretty... but he thought he could find better I guess. This happens to me quite often (three times now)... guy leaves after long term relationship to "find better" and comes crawling back a few months later telling me better isn't out there.... but it's always too late... In all cases I had already moved on. I am not sure that will happen here... he might live in ignorant Russian bliss for awhile but if I get over him it doesn't matter.... Hate isn't the opposite of love... indifference is.... I know that
Forever Learning Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 he behavior is dishonest, i think he may have more than run of the mill relationship wishy washy-ness. i think there is a strong possibility he may have a personality disorder such as Narcississtic Personality Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder. Read up on both here; http://www.lisaescott.com/ Ultimately these folks can't ever walk the straight and narrow path of being honest, they are master liars and manipulators lacking empathy and this legitimate mental disorder is basically incureable, so don't even waste your time with the counseling song and dance, just go 'no contact' and run for the hills. I spent 15 years with one, had kids with him, it is an utter nightmare, I assure you of that. You truly do not want to spend another day with a person such as this liar. Continue to read up to educate yourself about relationships and individuals with mental disorders. God bless and all the best to you.
Author AngelDollFace Posted July 5, 2011 Author Posted July 5, 2011 he behavior is dishonest, i think he may have more than run of the mill relationship wishy washy-ness. i think there is a strong possibility he may have a personality disorder such as Narcississtic Personality Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder. Read up on both here; http://www.lisaescott.com/ Ultimately these folks can't ever walk the straight and narrow path of being honest, they are master liars and manipulators lacking empathy and this legitimate mental disorder is basically incureable, so don't even waste your time with the counseling song and dance, just go 'no contact' and run for the hills. I spent 15 years with one, had kids with him, it is an utter nightmare, I assure you of that. You truly do not want to spend another day with a person such as this liar. Continue to read up to educate yourself about relationships and individuals with mental disorders. God bless and all the best to you. Oh wow.... actually a few weeks ago I started studying ab out borderline personality disorder because I thought he had it... I was pretty sure he had it, but I didn't think of this being something that would be affected by the disorder... moving on so fast... and then I read something about how borderlines can move on rapidly after a relationship like this. You're probably right. He almost seemed co dependent on me for a long time ... always was nasty but I'd take him back (he'd beg) and now all of a sudden he is just "over it"... I don't get it... He is all excited about learning Russian and truly has forgotten about me... it just kills me.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I can't grasp it or understand it. It's bad enough he broke up with me but to talk to a girl he barely knows the way he talked to me is awful. Can someone help me make sense of this? Yes. "Awful" would be his talking to a girl he barely knows this way and making sure you knew of it. He, mercifully, is not guilty of being "awful". You, on the other hand, sorta reap what you sow in snooping into his e-mail, especially after having broken up. Interesting, also, that he "proposed" (to you)... aaaaaaaaaand that, he remains merely your (ex?) "boyfriend".
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