LSChic Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 I've been seeing this guy for a month and we go out nearly every day now. He actually does most of the calling/inviting because I realized very early on that he's a very private person and needs a lot of alone time and I didn't want to suffocate him. We have a lot of fun together, we've had sex, etc. So last night we had a conversation like this: Me: I really, really like you. Him: I like you, too. Me: No, I mean I really, really do. Him: *nervous* oh boy. WTF? I wasn't going to say the L-word! I'm a long way from saying it, actually. So why couldn't he just appease me and say something nice back? Is it really that difficult to say something nice? Even if he didn't "really, really" like me, I feel like saying it back wouldn't have done any harm. I wouldn't have gotten a "wrong message" from it. Plus, doesn't the fact that he calls me to hang out like every day show that he really, really likes me? Isn't that the definition of "really"? UGH...men. I know I'm getting upset over a little thing, and I didn't bring it up to him and won't. I just needed to vent. I hate when men are so stingy with niceties and affection.
oaks Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 I hate when men are so stingy with niceties and affection. You should talk to Velociraptor. He's convinced that it's all give-and-take in the other direction.
Feelin Frisky Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 No one I know--not the least of which is me--gets any kind of good feeling about being put on the spot to say something like that. You fished. That's why they call it "fishing" instead of "catching". Sometimes you have to lump not getting the bite you were after. Unless you are indeed putting him on the spot for a statement of his feelings, perhaps you might want to pass on fishing again. It's certainly OK if you do feel that it's time for a statement, just understand that apparently you'll need to be blunt about it.
alethean Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 I WTF? I wasn't going to say the L-word! I'm a long way from saying it, actually. So why couldn't he just appease me and say something nice back? Is it really that difficult to say something nice? Even if he didn't "really, really" like me, I feel like saying it back wouldn't have done any harm. I wouldn't have gotten a "wrong message" from it. He might have thought you would have if he didn't "really, really like" you. Anyway, if he does like you that much, then who knows why he didn't say anything? Even if it weren't "I really, really like you too," I'm not sure "oh boy" is the best response either... :S
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 No one I know--not the least of which is me--gets any kind of good feeling about being put on the spot to say something like that. You fished. That's why they call it "fishing" instead of "catching". Sometimes you have to lump not getting the bite you were after. Unless you are indeed putting him on the spot for a statement of his feelings, perhaps you might want to pass on fishing again. It's certainly OK if you do feel that it's time for a statement, just understand that apparently you'll need to be blunt about it. This...exactly.
Author LSChic Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 No one I know--not the least of which is me--gets any kind of good feeling about being put on the spot to say something like that. You fished. That's why they call it "fishing" instead of "catching". Sometimes you have to lump not getting the bite you were after. Unless you are indeed putting him on the spot for a statement of his feelings, perhaps you might want to pass on fishing again. It's certainly OK if you do feel that it's time for a statement, just understand that apparently you'll need to be blunt about it. I'll admit I fished. It wasn't right of me. I wasn't looking for a statement of his feelings (though that would be nice going on from this point). I was looking for some affection, which he isn't very good at showing and I sort of need in order to feel confident in a relationship. Do I have to be blunt about that, too?
Feelin Frisky Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 ... Do I have to be blunt about that, too? Perhaps. It sounds like your guy is not forthcoming and you need things at a faster clip. I only said something because you asked wtf? and it's never good when people start faulting their partner for not coughing up the perfect response to a soft prompt. Perhaps it's just my reliving an awful experience with a neurotic who did that to me--but I had not only told her but showed her in every other way that she was it for me. After a short while it starts ruining things. I hope this doesn't apply to you. Good luck and regards.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 WTF? I wasn't going to say the L-word! I'm a long way from saying it, actually. So why couldn't he just appease me and say something nice back? Is it really that difficult to say something nice? Even if he didn't "really, really" like me, I feel like saying it back wouldn't have done any harm. I wouldn't have gotten a "wrong message" from it. I known it's hard to fathom, but scientific studies have shown that some men are actually not mind readers (pretty crazy, huh?) Perhaps your BF is one of the unfortunate few who cannot read a woman's mind and therefore did not have unequivocal, beyond a reasonable doubt knowledge of the fact that you were not going to say the "L-word". Plus, doesn't the fact that he calls me to hang out like every day show that he really, really likes me? Isn't that the definition of "really"? UGH...men. If that's the case, why do you need him to say that? Don't actions speak louder than words? I know I'm getting upset over a little thing, and I didn't bring it up to him and won't. I just needed to vent. I hate when men are so stingy with niceties and affection. Good idea. Bringing it up would likely make him [correctly] assess your mental condition as batsh*t crazy.
ruffster Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I think he should have come back with something nice instead of him making you feel off beat because he didn't return your words of affection. He should have covered his bases, and he didn't. No biggy, but it would have been nice.
D-Lish Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 That's too much pressue to put on a guy after just one month of dating. It's just too soon to be having talks like these. From a guy's perspective, that "L" word is the next step from a confession like yours. Learn to enjoy a relationship and let it develop naturally- one month is short in the grand scheme of things. Introducing pressure at such an early stage can damage the natural progress you might have made without any pressure. Just continue to enjoy getting to know one another- keep it light and fun for the time being.
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