Ross MwcFan Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 to some women, even really hot ones? If I am physically attractive to women including really hot ones, then my biggest downfall, is that I find it so hard to get my head around the fact that I am. Yes I look good in my avatar, but there have been photo's where I honestly believe I look hideous (but, people have actually told me I look good in one of these too). And even though some people in real life have said I was good looking, I've also been rejected and called ugly not just by really hot girls, but girls who are also unattractive and overweight (not that I think overweight is a bad thing). It's like I've got no idea how I really look. I don't mean to be negative, but I'm just trying to explain my situation to give you guys the greatest chance of helping me. Link to post Share on other sites
tb24 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I've been in this exact situation and had incredibly low self-esteem because of it. What made me better is realising that it doesn't matter if everyone finds you attractive or not. I know I'm very attractive to some girls and really nothing to others. Ok this means I can't get any girl I want but that there are enough girls out there that find me attractive that it doesn't matter. Not everyone is going to find you attractive, but that doesn't matter at all. One thing that seems to be true (and I read there's a biological reason for this) is that girls you find "unattractive" are more likely to find you unattractive than girls you find attractive. Obviously there's some middle ground but as a general rule this seems to be true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross MwcFan Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 One thing that seems to be true (and I read there's a biological reason for this) is that girls you find "unattractive" are more likely to find you unattractive than girls you find attractive. Obviously there's some middle ground but as a general rule this seems to be true. I never knew that, very interesting. I'd love to read more about it. Do you have a link? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 Ross, I found this.... Don't know if it helps, but one thing's for sure - men and women see 'attraction' differently! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross MwcFan Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 Thanks Tara. Link to post Share on other sites
amethyste Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 Hah Sincerely, I have no idea how I look either. I see myself every day in the mirror, and even though I'm not scared of what I see, I can't realize if I'm pretty or not. I just go with "Oh, I feel so pwetty, and weetee, lalala". Speaking of photos - I look absolutely hideous too in some. They scare me! It's like they have no connection to reality. I know people who look awful in pics, but they're really good lookin' in reality, and vice versa. As to why some people say you're nice, while others call you "ugly"... Well, I think it happens to anyone. For example... let's pick Megan Fox. Some people will say she's oh so beautiful, while others will say she's incredibly ugly. I think it's the same for men... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross MwcFan Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 I think I usually look very attractive in the mirror. What I find weird though, is if I use another mirror and look at a reflection of my reflection so my face is the right way around, it looks different, like kind distorted and I feel that I don't look as good. Does anyone else find that? I guess it's just because of being so used to seeing your face a certain way. Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 Researchers suggest that others see you as 20 per cent more attractive than you think you are. It's said that when you look in the mirror, you're simply judging yourself on looks. All you can see is your reflection - but none of the personality. And that being physically attractive may turn heads and get you noticed, but it takes more than that to be attractive. Such as, the way you move, speak and express yourself. And also, good health, warmth, spontaneity and charisma! I came across a study, of the top 5 things women find most physically attractive (in order of "highest" to "lowest"): 1. Eyes - Sexy eyes will get us every time... 2. Butt - A nice butt to grab onto and say "hell yeah"! 3. Hair - Women love thick hair, and enjoy running their fingers through it. 4. Back - A nice, wide, sexy back signifies strength and protection. 5. Legs - Women prefer a potential mate's legs to be longer as this is viewed as sexy and dominant. No matter what cards we're dealt with, there will always be ways for an individual to improve their own physical attractiveness. Link to post Share on other sites
tb24 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Ross, I'll see if i can find the article I was reading about why we find people attractive. It was something to do with us looking for features in others we're lacking ourselves thus making it a good mix of genes. As for looking bad in photos, read this: http://stepheneastwood.com/blog/?p=35 specifically, see the demonstration here: http://www.stepheneastwood.com/tutorials/lensdistortion/strippage.htm Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 We all find different types attractive, so someone you might call 'hot' might not be attractive to me. I don't find model types of either sex appealing for example where as many people do. I find redheads attractive but some people don't, some prefer brunettes, actually I don't care what colour someone's hair is, I look more at people's eyes and they come across as a person. Our looks are just our outer shell as far as I'm concerned, and way too much importance is placed on looks. No-one can tell you how attractive you are as such. I think you should concentrate on personality and coming across to people in the way you want to. To me attractiveness means warmth and friendliness, compassion, being made to feel special and loved. Sometimes I pretend to be confident when I'm not, maybe this works with feeling attractive to others too. to some women, even really hot ones? If I am physically attractive to women including really hot ones, then my biggest downfall, is that I find it so hard to get my head around the fact that I am. Yes I look good in my avatar, but there have been photo's where I honestly believe I look hideous (but, people have actually told me I look good in one of these too). And even though some people in real life have said I was good looking, I've also been rejected and called ugly not just by really hot girls, but girls who are also unattractive and overweight (not that I think overweight is a bad thing). It's like I've got no idea how I really look. I don't mean to be negative, but I'm just trying to explain my situation to give you guys the greatest chance of helping me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross MwcFan Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 Ross, I'll see if i can find the article I was reading about why we find people attractive. It was something to do with us looking for features in others we're lacking ourselves thus making it a good mix of genes. As for looking bad in photos, read this: http://stepheneastwood.com/blog/?p=35 specifically, see the demonstration here: http://www.stepheneastwood.com/tutorials/lensdistortion/strippage.htm Interesting, I wonder which MM was the most accurate to how she really looks? Link to post Share on other sites
nandesuka Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 I think I usually look very attractive in the mirror. What I find weird though, is if I use another mirror and look at a reflection of my reflection so my face is the right way around, it looks different, like kind distorted and I feel that I don't look as good. Does anyone else find that? I guess it's just because of being so used to seeing your face a certain way. I think it's because we are so used to seeing the reflected image vs everybody else seeing a non-reflected image of ourselves. Try taking your 'hideous' pics and looking at them in a mirror. Regarding your reflection of a reflection, try taking a pic of a friend and flipping it, or look at it in the mirror. Kinda weird, no? Different strokes for different folks though. People all got different types they find attractive or not attractive. It's not only about physical attractiveness though, personality counts towards making you 'look' more or less attractive than you really are. Ever notice how a super attractive bitch can start to look ugly vs the average girl that starts to look bangin' because of an awesome personality? Link to post Share on other sites
amethyste Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 As for looking bad in photos, read this: http://stepheneastwood.com/blog/?p=35 specifically, see the demonstration here: http://www.stepheneastwood.com/tutorials/lensdistortion/strippage.htm I knew it! Thanks for those links. Sincerely, because of the way I look in some pics, I wanted to get a nose job, even though in reality I've never seen anything strange about my nose Link to post Share on other sites
2themoon&back Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Confidence …….. is the most sexy/attractive thing about a person. Work on this area and the rest will pay off. Start to believe you are everything you want to be already. Practice makes perfect, the more you tell yourself you’re great…the more you will start to believe it. And why not, no one can be you better than you—so you are already doing something perfect and awesome. Link to post Share on other sites
tb24 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Interesting, I wonder which MM was the most accurate to how she really looks? I'm not sure, but "really" probably depends on how far your eyes are apart Link to post Share on other sites
quietGuy13 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 One thing that seems to be true (and I read there's a biological reason for this) is that girls you find "unattractive" are more likely to find you unattractive than girls you find attractive. Where did you come up with this? Attractive girls never find me attractive. The unattractive girls do so they become my friends just like that. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 to some women, even really hot ones? If I am physically attractive to women including really hot ones, then my biggest downfall, is that I find it so hard to get my head around the fact that I am. Yes I look good in my avatar, but there have been photo's where I honestly believe I look hideous (but, people have actually told me I look good in one of these too). And even though some people in real life have said I was good looking, I've also been rejected and called ugly not just by really hot girls, but girls who are also unattractive and overweight (not that I think overweight is a bad thing). It's like I've got no idea how I really look. I don't mean to be negative, but I'm just trying to explain my situation to give you guys the greatest chance of helping me. I'm not really sure what you're trying to ask, but I'll be honest with you about what I think you're asking. I hope my honesty doesn't offend you. Hot girls would likely consider you to be an Average Joe, based on your avatar. (Nothing wrong with being that. Most people are). But that is why some might insult you. You come across as an Average Joe. Unattractive girls put you down because they want you to think you are on their level of attractiveness in order to keep your interest and make themselves feel better. I think it works best to date someone who is in your league. Not better or worse. Makes for a better relationship, IMO. You seemed to want an honest answer, since you said you had no idea how you look, and are getting mixed messages from women. On an anonymous message board, you can get honest feedback without repercussions. So I gave you an honest answer. I hope that answers your question about why these women say what they do. Link to post Share on other sites
Dorie Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 It is my opinion Ross, that you are a man of great sensitivity and the negative remarks made by a select few fed into the preconceived notions you have that you are simply not good enough. Any remarks or observations to the contrary (including your own) do not carry as much weight and so you perpetually worry, instead of taking a leap of faith that you're actually not unattractive. Opinions will differ. KathyM and I differ on your level of attractiveness for instance. You are Above Average Ross IMO and I am not in the least surprised at who you've managed to attract on this board. I love the quote in JillMago's post of "confidence is the sexiest suit you can wear." Indeed. Dress in that suit everyday, Ross. It will become your second skin. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross MwcFan Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 Thanks Dorie, it's really nice of you to say that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross MwcFan Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 I'm not really sure what you're trying to ask, but I'll be honest with you about what I think you're asking. I hope my honesty doesn't offend you. Hot girls would likely consider you to be an Average Joe, based on your avatar. (Nothing wrong with being that. Most people are). But that is why some might insult you. You come across as an Average Joe. Unattractive girls put you down because they want you to think you are on their level of attractiveness in order to keep your interest and make themselves feel better. I think it works best to date someone who is in your league. Not better or worse. Makes for a better relationship, IMO. You seemed to want an honest answer, since you said you had no idea how you look, and are getting mixed messages from women. On an anonymous message board, you can get honest feedback without repercussions. So I gave you an honest answer. I hope that answers your question about why these women say what they do. Thing is, is that one of those unattractive girls was asked if she'd French kiss me, she said no he's really ugly. Shortly after that she started going out with my friend who is better looking than me. In fact most of the times that I've been called really ugly, is when girls have been asked if they'd French kiss me. Surely instead of them trying to make me think I'm on their level of attractiveness to keep me interested in them, they would've just said yes instead? Link to post Share on other sites
Ginger Beer Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 One thing that seems to be true (and I read there's a biological reason for this) is that girls you find "unattractive" are more likely to find you unattractive than girls you find attractive. Obviously there's some middle ground but as a general rule this seems to be true. I don't get it? EDIT - doesn't mean I read it really slow and I've got it now. People you find unattractive are likely to find you unattractive. People you find attractive are more likely to find you attractive than those who find you unattractive. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Thing is, is that one of those unattractive girls was asked if she'd French kiss me, she said no he's really ugly. Shortly after that she started going out with my friend who is better looking than me. In fact most of the times that I've been called really ugly, is when girls have been asked if they'd French kiss me. Surely instead of them trying to make me think I'm on their level of attractiveness to keep me interested in them, they would've just said yes instead? You know, it's kind of funny how when someone is in the role of the rejector, it makes them appear more attractive or appealing to third parties. Have you ever watched the Legally Blonde movie? The dorky nerdy guy was rejected by a girl when he asked her for a date. When it appeared to the girl that he rejected someone else, that made him seem more appealing to the girl, and she changed her mind and asked him out. It makes the rejector appear like they have high standards and makes people want to be accepted by them as being good enough for someone with high standards. The more discriminating a person is, the more appealing they appear to others. I've seen that happen in real life. You hang with a rather odd group if people are asking others if they would French kiss you. Sounds like those girls are trying to impress other guys by rejecting you. Some girls can be pretty mean. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross MwcFan Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 (edited) You hang with a rather odd group if people are asking others if they would French kiss you. Sounds like those girls are trying to impress other guys by rejecting you. Some girls can be pretty mean. It's what all teenagers did, at least where I lived. 'Such and such a person thinks your well fit, and would like to know if you would go (French kiss) with her/him' You either say yes or no, and then the person will go back over to the other person and tell them your answer. If you said yes, the other person will walk over to you and then you just both start kissing each other. Or on the very rare occasion, someone will just even ask someone if they'd go with you without you even knowing. Edited July 18, 2011 by Ross MwcFan Link to post Share on other sites
ilikesunita Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 Confidence is key. Link to post Share on other sites
KR10N Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 Is it really that important to think you're attractive? As long as it's not in a negative sense. I don't have low self-esteem but I've never found myself to be physically attractive. I don't see it as a issue, I just don't see myself that way. Sure, I exercise & take care of my skin but I do those things to take care of myself, not to get attention. Whenever friends, family or acquaintanes tell me they think I'm pretty I just shrug or ignore the comment completely. I never accepted such compliments & never will. IDK why, but I just don't like to hear it. I'd rather be praised for who I am & what I've done rather than "gosh you're purdy." Link to post Share on other sites
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