How to get the confidence and the belief that you are physically attractive...

[Feelsgoodman]

I sometmes think that maybe the people who told me I was good looking might have just been being friendly.

 

The fact you've had boyfriends proves you've been attractive to some people. I haven't had a girlfriend in real life yet.

In terms of your facial features, you are pretty average. In other words, neither ugly nor hot. I have no idea what the rest of you looks like, but working out and building a great physique would help tons in terms of compensating for your facial "averageness" (if you face was hideous, it wouldn't matter). You haircut could also use some improvement (you current one is terrible, to be perfectly honest). A good sense of style would also help.

[Red Arremer]

If you have lots of money, you can be ugly and boring.

Absolutely untrue.

[quankanne]

My counselor told me to spend five minutes each day looking in the mirror and recite positive affirmations about myself. I havent really tried it, but I have used affirmations for other things, like to stop ruminating about certain things and it really works. My counselor claims these positive self affirmations work. Attractiveness has a lot to do with how you feel about yourself. Other people feel it when you feel good about yourself. You just need to convince yourself of this.

 

fantastic post, L4M2C – this is pretty much what I wanted to tell Ross too ...

 

look, it's sooooo damn easy to convince ourselves that we're lacking in some way, thus giving our self-esteem a good beating, so we need to give an equal amount of effort in building ourselves up, IMO. Not to a point where we feed narcissistic tendencies, but to honestly assess our good qualities and then focus on them. Because when we do that, we find beauty in ourselves and that confidence becomes evident to others.

 

Ross, what's the one positive attribute you feel you have? Your smile? A kind nature? A generous spirit? Now, how do you share that with others in a way that they can see this in you, too?

 

for the record, I think you're pretty dang cute for a young one, and believe me, if I were single and I were there, I wouldn't have problems acting on cougar instinct to at LEAST chat you up a bit because you've got a sense of kindness about you. And that's something I consider golden

[somedude81]

I really hope nobody is believing that standing in front of the mirror and saying "I'm the boss" is going to make women think you're hot.

[Feelin Frisky]

It's all about the confidence. A lot of guys go to great lengths to erect a personae that looks like they are happening dudes. It works pretty well. I think it's much better to actually be confident than to create some kind of "thing" that has to be up-kept. Ross, ya just gotta stop entertaining these feelings of being under a microscope. Dress for success and act the part. Things will start revealing themselves to you.

[AlexDP]

You must have an attractive face, then.

 

And I am going. Until I can make it there, I've been walking outside every day, and doing exercise at home.

 

I plan to go, but not because of women, because getting muscles will not make a woman like me.

 

Dude, I am very sorry, but people like attractive people. I don't care who you are or what you're about, if you're unhealthy and not goodlooking you simply will not get in bed with pretty women. Go to the gym already, mate.

 

The real truth behind your reasoning? You won't take responsibility. Be a man FFS.

[oaks]

to some women, even really hot ones?

 

You can do a lot worse than looking in the mirror every day and saying out loud, "Ross, you're a great, good-looking guy who hot women will find attractive!"

 

(I'm serious, for once.)

[sabienne]

My entire life I have been dumbfounded by how people want to know how they can be more attractive to the opposite sex. They rate people according to numbers. WTF?? How can a number system be applied to all of us?

 

Sure, you can work out, shower, dress nice, etc, etc, but so many people fail to realise that, as cliche as it is, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty depends on personal preferences and cultural influences. One woman will find you attractive, another will find you hideous.

 

Then there's personality. Sure, lots of women are shallow, but as a woman myself I can say a LOT of us base a lot of attractiveness on personality.

 

However, having said that, there is one thing everyone finds attractive - CONFIDENCE. Have faith that you are enough, and the women will follow.

[Dusk1983]

"i'm the boss."

 

"no, you're the boss."

 

"i said, i'm the boss."

 

"you're fired."

[Eve]

My counselor told me to spend five minutes each day looking in the mirror and recite positive affirmations about myself. I havent really tried it, but I have used affirmations for other things, like to stop ruminating about certain things and it really works. My counselor claims these positive self affirmations work. Attractiveness has a lot to do with how you feel about yourself. Other people feel it when you feel good about yourself. You just need to convince yourself of this.

 

fantastic post, L4M2C – this is pretty much what I wanted to tell Ross too ...

 

look, it's sooooo damn easy to convince ourselves that we're lacking in some way, thus giving our self-esteem a good beating, so we need to give an equal amount of effort in building ourselves up, IMO. Not to a point where we feed narcissistic tendencies, but to honestly assess our good qualities and then focus on them. Because when we do that, we find beauty in ourselves and that confidence becomes evident to others.

 

Ross, what's the one positive attribute you feel you have? Your smile? A kind nature? A generous spirit? Now, how do you share that with others in a way that they can see this in you, too?

 

for the record, I think you're pretty dang cute for a young one, and believe me, if I were single and I were there, I wouldn't have problems acting on cougar instinct to at LEAST chat you up a bit because you've got a sense of kindness about you. And that's something I consider golden

 

H'mmm.. I would agree with this.

 

As a woman I have found that my body has been the main way that men gain interest in me. Must be the whole 'visual creatures' angle that men are susceptible to and can behave like twats because off. I have never really been that happy about this. I think it is rather fickle. But I can't deny that I sort of think the same sometimes but overall it is a balance between physical looks and personality. So, I would not worry too much Ross because you do have that sensitivity thing going on that women like. That's Point 1.

 

I think you just need to concentrate on being happy and enjoying your life as much as possible and not gaining any negative male role models from on here. That to me is the priority here..

 

Yeah, whatever you do, don't play games or become over opinionated or have too high expectations of women.

 

Try just enjoying time with someone and see where that leads. Approach only out of genuine curiosity... this is cool.

 

All in all, attraction is thankfully a very subjective thing, which the second point I wanted to make. Don't believe anyone who says it different. I reckon those who think otherwise have been watching too much TV or porn..

 

Once you let this anxiety thing fade a bit more I reckon you are one of the most likely to find happiness on this site. Then you can be as miserable as the rest of us couples, lol. No, seriously, that will be the next thing.. how to keep interest in a partner...

 

It never stops..

 

As such I concluded a while back that it is best not to worry about any of it and just get on with things. *Boom Bam*.. I got sorted out without becoming a jaded twat.

 

Look after yourself and others as much as you can and keep things real Ross and you won't go far wrong. Someone will fall for you. The art is for it to be mutually something done because you like talking to each other and all that stuff..

 

So my final point is that most women are not just interested in looks. It is about who you are for most healthy minded women but this means you have to be healthy minded too. At the core this basically means that you can share your time and heart and not be afraid to kindly express when you are unhappy with her or the world... and just be reliable and funny.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[rafallus]

They rate people according to numbers. WTF?? How can a number system be applied to all of us?

 

True.

 

Sure, you can work out, shower, dress nice, etc, etc, but so many people fail to realise that, as cliche as it is, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty depends on personal preferences and cultural influences. One woman will find you attractive, another will find you hideous.

 

OTOH, that doesn't mean putting effort to look as good as you realistically can isn't sensible option.

I plan to go, but not because of women, because getting muscles will not make a woman like me.

 

If you keep whining, then you have a point actually. But do you prefer having a point on internet board, or do you prefer getting with girls instead?

 

You're talking out of your ass. Again. I'm an average looking guy but since I've muscled up, doors previously closed to me are open more often than not.

 

By the way, hit the gym yet?

 

You just inspired me to grab my dumbbell and curl some more.

 

Yes, it changes overtime. And for those who want to have access to hotties who can pick any man they want, they better bring sth to the table.