How to get the confidence and the belief that you are physically attractive...

July 4, 2011

to some women, even really hot ones?

If I am physically attractive to women including really hot ones, then my biggest downfall, is that I find it so hard to get my head around the fact that I am.

Yes I look good in my avatar, but there have been photo's where I honestly believe I look hideous (but, people have actually told me I look good in one of these too). And even though some people in real life have said I was good looking, I've also been rejected and called ugly not just by really hot girls, but girls who are also unattractive and overweight (not that I think overweight is a bad thing). It's like I've got no idea how I really look.

I don't mean to be negative, but I'm just trying to explain my situation to give you guys the greatest chance of helping me.

Edited July 4, 2011 by Ross MwcFan

July 4, 2011

Don't go begging for compliments.

July 4, 2011

I think I should've put this in self improvement.

July 4, 2011

How to get the confidence and the belief that you are physically attractive, to some women, even really hot ones?

Get a woman to like you. And she has to actually show you that she likes you.

Having a bunch of girls telling me that I'm cute doesn't do anything for me when none of them would date me.

Only their actions matter.

July 4, 2011

If I am physically attractive to women including really hot ones, then my biggest downfall, is that I find it so hard to get my head around the fact that I am.

Yes I look good in my avatar, but there have been photo's where I honestly believe I look hideous (but, people have actually told me I look good in one of these too).

We are our own biggest critics...

I think what women find attractive is different to every woman, so while you may not be one woman's type, you'll be the next woman's dream guy.

I had a hard time seeing myself as an attractive person from past self esteem issues, even though people told me I was attractive, I was always focusing on the things I thought were unattractive. I think it would help you to focus on the things you like about your appearance and try and accentuate them if you can. Maybe work on the things you don't like, if you can.

Maybe, without being rude, it is your insecurity about your appearance that puts women off. Personally I find a guy who is insecure about his appearance unattractive. Most women want a guy who is happy and confident in his own skin, confidence is sexy.

And even though some people in real life have said I was good looking, I've also been rejected and called ugly not just by really hot girls, but girls who are also unattractive and overweight (not that I think overweight is a bad thing). It's like I've got no idea how I really look.

Some people have said you are good looking, so listen to them, it's proof that some people find you attractive. As for the others, you can't please everyone.

To get over my self esteem issues I had a bit of counselling, but mostly what got me over them was the realization that I'd been in a couple of relationships, and my boyfriends and other men had told me I was attractive - they couldn't all be lying.

Edited July 4, 2011 by Jaina19

July 4, 2011

We are our own biggest critics...

I think what women find attractive is different to every woman, so while you may not be one woman's type, you'll be the next woman's dream guy.

I had a hard time seeing myself as an attractive person from past self esteem issues, even though people told me I was attractive, I was always focusing on the things I thought were unattractive. I think it would help you to focus on the things you like about your appearance and try and accentuate them if you can. Maybe work on the things you don't like, if you can.

Maybe, without being rude, it is your insecurity about your appearance that puts women off. Personally I find a guy who is insecure about his appearance unattractive. Most women want a guy who is happy and confident in his own skin, confidence is sexy.

Some people have said you are good looking, so listen to them, it's proof that some people find you attractive. As for the others, you can't please everyone.

To get over my self esteem issues I had a bit of counselling, but mostly what got me over them was the realization that I'd been in a couple of relationships, and my boyfriends and other men had told me I was attractive - they couldn't all be lying.

I sometmes think that maybe the people who told me I was good looking might have just been being friendly.

The fact you've had boyfriends proves you've been attractive to some people. I haven't had a girlfriend in real life yet.

July 4, 2011

Try finding those things that you don't like about your physical appearance

For me it was eyebrows, big nose, big chin

Now reverse those aspects and make them positive

Big eyebrows are manly, big nose is manly, big chin is manly (also I've seen a lot of movie actors with those qualities)

I now want to be fat just so that I can be big and manly

But I'm not, either way, it's all good

Yeah but if I'm not actually physically attractive to any women in real life, I don't want to delude myself that I am.

July 4, 2011

I sometmes think that maybe the people who told me I was good looking might have just been being friendly.

The fact you've had boyfriends proves you've been attractive to some people. I haven't had a girlfriend in real life yet.

That I do understand. If you have a girlfriend, you expect her to be at least somewhat attracted to you, thus you sort of have the guarantee that some people find you attractive. As a guy though it's fairly easy to look good. Work out, be clean, shave yourself every once in a while, pick out decent clothes.. It's a bit of work, but almost any man can look decent IMO. As far as feeling or knowing you're attractive.. well, that's going to be a leap of faith I guess.

July 4, 2011

The problem with that is, if you're always thinking "She wouldn't be interested in me", then you'll come across very poorly and *that* will be unattractive.

July 4, 2011

The problem with that is, if you're always thinking "She wouldn't be interested in me", then you'll come across very poorly and *that* will be unattractive.

^^What tb24 said.

July 4, 2011

Different women like different types of men, and your personality has a big effect on how physically attractive a woman finds you. I once turned down a date because I wasn't attracted to the guy, and then developed a big crush on him a few months later when I got to know him a little more. So if a girl isn't attracted to you, that doesn't mean other girls won't be - maybe even the same girl will be attracted to you when she gets to know you!

July 4, 2011

the most important part is to consistently be a great, fun guy to be around- and that's what will ultimately make you attractive, regardless. if you insist on moping around about how you look to this girl or that girl then you're shooting yourself in the foot. keep yourself decently groomed and make the rest of it after that a non-issue, that way you can fill the rest of your mind space on other fun and cool things you can do today and tomorrow.

July 4, 2011

By enhancing your physical appearance and then getting positive results.

Like me for example, since my hair was thinning I had to change my hair style which lead to more positive results.

July 4, 2011

By enhancing your physical appearance and then getting positive results.

Truth. I was once a scrawny chinaman. Then I worked out and became a not-so-scrawny chinaman. Still working on the chinaman part...

July 5, 2011

Truth. I was once a scrawny chinaman. Then I worked out and became a not-so-scrawny chinaman. Still working on the chinaman part...

What? Noooo! Leave the chinaman alone! :laugh:

July 5, 2011

What? Noooo! Leave the chinaman alone! :laugh:

Hahah, yea, not much I can do about that one...

July 5, 2011

That is not enough to have the false belief that you are attractive unless you have lots of money. If you have lots of money, you can be ugly and boring.

Otherwise, a man should take care of his appearance including wearing clean, new clothes, having fit, clean, sexy body, and nice hair. It might help for a guy to put a few big mirrors in his apartment to be a little more realistic about his looks.

Edited July 5, 2011 by bac

July 7, 2011

My counselor told me to spend five minutes each day looking in the mirror and recite positive affirmations about myself. I havent really tried it, but I have used affirmations for other things, like to stop ruminating about certain things and it really works. My counselor claims these positive self affirmations work. Attractiveness has a lot to do with how you feel about yourself. Other people feel it when you feel good about yourself. You just need to convince yourself of this.

July 7, 2011

From your face, you're "good-looking enough".

It's your confidence, or lack thereof, that is holding you back dude.

July 7, 2011

the most important part is to consistently be a great, fun guy to be around

That's even more facile than saying, 'just be a great looking guy'. People on here seem to suggest that personality is somehow easier to change than how you look, when the exact opposite is the true.

Its very easy to improve the way you look, if you care enough. IME positive personality change usually stems from looking better, not the other way round.

July 7, 2011

To me, the secret is first to dress and groom yourself in a way that makes you feel attractive. I'll never forget when I wore a suit to an art opening, when the other guys were in pants and polos. It felt good to feel that women were checking me out. Even in other avenues I'll try to look "a little better" than most of the guys in the room. I don't know literally if women notice...but it makes me feel good.

Secondly, don't let anyone bring you down. People are vindictive, so if you walk into a room looking great, chances are some guy who isn't looking so good will try to bring you down in order to make himself look better. So you might end up at some bar with people, and you're in something more casual but fashionable, and there's a guy in the group looking like a slob. He might try to make fun of you in order to hide his own ugliness. Don't fight, don't confront or stoop to his level. Just ignore him and be charming. If he wants to poke fun, then toss a crack back at how he simply feels the need to belittle others to hide his own BS.

Third...be confident. I know this sounds easy in words, but the simple secret is you need to get a mentality that failure means nothing to you. If a girl says something like "Stop acting like you're good-looking, cuz you're not!", don't suddenly worry and feel like you've been "busted"...simply write her off. Move on. You can see her own ugliness in her attitude.

Being confident means you value yourself. It doesn't mean to be egotistical or narcissistic, but to simply mentally carry the idea that you are a great person and you know it. If one wants to belittle you to hide their own BS, ignore it...don't let it bother you.

Even in dating...if you chat it up with a girl, but find she's not into you...don't see it as failure. See it as you held a great convo with a pretty lady, and it'll happen more. Women tend to flock on the guys who get the social proofing. So if one hottie thinks you're charming, the rest will think you have value because of the one hottie.

July 7, 2011

Hit the gym or treadmill and don't slack off. This will not come to you without effort.

Otherwise, hit up some male fashion forums and try to pick your style.

July 7, 2011

Actually, BS.

There is also some fat on your face. Burning fat is considered to be all over the body, so losing weight, your face will change somewhat.

July 7, 2011

If you have an ugly face, and you get a hot body, you'll still be the ugly guy with a hot body.

Most women prefer faces. I've polled this before, and 95% of women have preferred a hot face and not so hot body.

Like I said, if you're not attractive, you aren't. Positive thinking won't change it. Plastic surgery will, although you have to have the money!

Yeah I second this.

I know a pretty good looking guy who has low self-esteem from being bullied in high school (ugly duckling) and women are always complimenting him and showing him he's attractive by hitting on him/trying to start conversations with him. Now his self-esteem is up some, but that's only because reality brought his self-esteem up because he's tall and decent looking and women obviously desire this. My self-esteem has always been much higher than his and I am far more self-assured, yet I'm pretty much invisible to women.

If you're not attractive to women, no matter what opinion you have of yourself its still not going to make women sexually attracted to you. If you're not attractive don't force yourself into thinking you are (especially when nobody agrees), simply get your self-esteem from something you do have like intelligence, talent, skill, etc.

So many people, male and female, walk around like the emperor with no clothes.

July 7, 2011

Hit the gym or treadmill and don't slack off. This will not come to you without effort.

Otherwise, hit up some male fashion forums and try to pick your style.

This. Youre batting 1000 with your posts, dude.

If you have an ugly face, and you get a hot body, you'll still be the ugly guy with a hot body.

Most women prefer faces. I've polled this before, and 95% of women have preferred a hot face and not so hot body.

Like I said, if you're not attractive, you aren't. Positive thinking won't change it. Plastic surgery will, although you have to have the money!

You're talking out of your ass. Again. I'm an average looking guy but since I've muscled up, doors previously closed to me are open more often than not.

By the way, hit the gym yet?

Edited July 7, 2011 by thehead

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