DontWorryBHappy Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 (edited) My life sort of feels like a waste. Yes, I know... you don't have to roll your eyes and say to yourself, "Oh god, another emo girl complaining about her life." It's probably true, but let me do it anyway alright? If not, the back button is over there <-----. I really don't have much to love about myself anymore. I feel stuck. I've always been a perfectionist, so two years ago when I saw some red dots on my face I thought they were red marks from acne, so I put glycolic acid on them. But they were actually broken blood vessels, and the next day I woke up with another red dot right above my lip. But this time I knew it wasnt a red mark. It was permanent, apparently, but I went to the store and bought tons of scar creams... anything i could find to get rid of it. I went crazy, cried constantly over my new imperfection.. then went even crazier and convinced myself that if I used the acid on my face again, in the spots that I was concerned with, maybe everything would just sort of even itself out! Maybe the acid didn't cause this problem after all and it would work this time! So I used it again, not only on the new mark, but also on an area of my lip that I perceived as being defective. The next day I woke up with part of my lip stinging when I touched it. Three months later I developed little twitches in my lip area and weird tingling sensations... this spread to other parts of my face, and over other parts of my body after a while. It's not so horrible that I can't tolerate it. It's not life-threatening. And if you look at me, I look normal. I've had 3 relationships since that whole mess happened. Yet I think about it every single day, always blaming myself. I CANNOT LET IT GO. I also do not really have friends because I keep to myself so much, and I'm introverted. I have dreams of doing things that only outgoing people usually do. Like performing on stage.... seems like a joke. My skin is breaking out, my ex left me for the second time about a week ago so he's gone. No one understands how I feel, I can't talk to anyone. I am SO ALONE. And I feel UGLY. I'm not very fit either... I'm sort of thin, I guess, but there's not much tone to it. I don't really work out. I'm kind of lazy, actually. I complain and I go on message boards. I don't know if I have the will to change any of this... probably because there are certain things that I know I CAN'T change, and that realization bothers me enough to do nothing about what I CAN change. I'm honestly just sick of my life. I'm 22 and it feels like it's all down hill from here. If life feels like this now, how the hell will it feel in 10 or 20 or 30 years???? Will i even make it that far?????????? Edited July 4, 2011 by DontWorryBHappy
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