Scarlett513 Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 I'm 26 (27 in a few months). He's 23. He's a friend of a family member and is temporarily staying with that family member. I frequently visit my family at their place so I see him pretty often (most weekends). I'm finding a few problems here. One is that because of the nature if the situation, I hang out with him a lot but very very rarely have a minute with him alone. Which makes it difficult to figure out if my little crush is one-sided. Two is that I can't gauge that interest in normal ways (ie flirting to see if I get a reaction) because I don't want this little attraction of mine to become common knowledge in the family. Three, even if I got past those things, there's the age difference to think about. I mean, I don't know what a 23 year old guy would want with an older girl or if a younger guy scenario is just a recipe for disaster. Thoughts?
Author Scarlett513 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 Ok so even if me being older wasn't necessarily a turn off to him, I still don't know how to go about figuring out if he's interested.
ascendotum Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Ok so even if me being older wasn't necessarily a turn off to him, I still don't know how to go about figuring out if he's interested. 1. You are just going to have to make the most of any opportunities you can when he is away from the others. What about finding out what bars/venues he hangs out at, and drop by (I was just in the area) outside of family time. Try and engineer opportunities for you to contact him more, like lending him a book or a CD/DVD. I assume you know that he is single to begin with. You are going to have to steer conversations into topics about dating scenarios/relationships/girls and make 'subtle' comments (assuming other people are around) that indicate how you think he is a great guy and that you are single and having a hard time meeting a great guy, etc. What about offer to set him up with a friend of yours, who is in on your plan and won't be interested in pursuing him, but the situation will provide opprortunities for you to talk more about dating away from the family. Maybe dress a little bit more provocatively when you visit your family friend. Not over the top, just tight t-shirt + tight jeans, and make more eye contact and guage any change in his demeanor. 2. Are you able to get his contact details like cell phone or email or what about FB. That would help you talk/flirt with him away from your family. If you dont want you family to know, are you planning on a secret affair? 3. The age gap, is a non issue, dont worry about it.
Eeyore79 Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 You're both adults in your twenties, and are both old enough to have a glass of wine with dinner when you go out, so the age gap isn't an issue. My boyfriend is four years younger than me, and it's never been an issue for us. A bigger issue is the fact that this guy is staying with your family and it could be uncomfortable if things turn sour between you, either because he rejects you outright, or because he dates you for a while and then dumps you. For that reason I would recommend caution; are you sure you could handle seeing him all the time if things didn't work out? Will it create a rift in your family if this guy treats you badly and your family member continues to be friends with him, or will it ruin their friendship if your family member sides with you? If you're sure you can handle it then be subtly flirtatious, get his cell number or find him on Facebook and flirt with him that way, and see how it goes.
Nexus One Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 I hang out with him a lot but very very rarely have a minute with him alone. Which makes it difficult to figure out if my little crush is one-sided. Two is that I can't gauge that interest in normal ways (ie flirting to see if I get a reaction) because I don't want this little attraction of mine to become common knowledge in the family. Write on a note what you want to ask him and say to him. Also mention that you'd like to talk to him in private. Slip him the note without anyone seeing it.
Author Scarlett513 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Posted July 5, 2011 Ok so everyone here is saying that the age difference is real a non issue. He did make a comment today that he would have no problem dating someone older so I guess it really is also a non issue for him. Now I just need to figure out if he'd be interested in *this* older girl. To answer some of your questions, I have no intention of a fwb or a secret fling. If anything came of it, my family knowing would not be a problem. They all love him anyway. We are already friend's on FB, but I'm not sure how to use that to my advantage. And yes, I worry that if things went sour that it could get awkward. My only thought on that is that his stay with my family is temporary. He's in the process of getting a new place. There really isn't a way to get him to go out alone unless the opportunity might randomly present itself. Hopefully that will happen at some point. In the meantime, I don't know how to act around him. I don't want him getting the impression that I just see him as a kid or a brother figure, but I can't flirt overtly either. I don't know how to give him the tip off that I'm into him without also letting the entire family know and putting either of us in a weird spot....
Nexus One Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I don't know how to give him the tip off that I'm into him without also letting the entire family know and putting either of us in a weird spot.... Have you read my suggestion?
Author Scarlett513 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Posted July 5, 2011 I did, and thank you Unfortunately in this case I think I'm looking for something a little less direct. I don't want to make him feel awkward by putting him in a position where he has to outright reject me. I think I need to test the waters a bit before hitting him with that. It's just that testing the waters is a little more difficult than it would be in another situation, since we're constantly surrounded by my family. I want to make sure he knows I see him as a guy rather than a kid, but I don't know how to do that without overtly flirting in such a way where the people around us would notice.
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