Finally over and it finally feels right

[kalena9488]

Well...I've posted on here quite a bit over the last 2 years regarding my BF. No one ever really responds so either my posts are not intriguing enough or I don't know what but, oh well. It just feels good to put it out there.

 

 

 

Even though I've tried and tried and tried to make it work. To make myself think being in a relationship with him was what I wanted no matter that it was very difficult. But after this past weekend it is finally over and I can really feel it and though I'm a little upset I finally know it's time.

 

We just can't seem to do anything without fighting or arguing any more. Usually if it's just us it's not that bad but this time we had went to a beach concert with my mom, her husband, my son, his 3 kids and my mom's husband's two kids. And it didn't take long for him to start as usual. He was ugly to me in front of them and the innocent other people sitting on the beach. It was so embarrasing.

 

 

But, I guess it was really what I needed. So, though I'm a bit sad really, I think I am more relieved becasue it has been a long time coming. So, today is my INDEPENDENCE Day!

Edited July 4, 2011 by kalena9488

[iceweasel6]

Sorry you had a sucky independence day. Sometimes it takes a situation like this to snap us into reality. I'm intrigued as to what is his "usual" thing that he starts? What do you all fight about?

What did you learn? (diffusion techniques, listening skills, insight into your triggers, insight into his triggers).

 

I haven't read any of your posts, but if they are as sparse as this one in terms of information it leaves very little room for people to respond to. Notice my response was more questions.

Edited July 5, 2011 by iceweasel6

[kalena9488]

I was vague this time only because people read but never really say much.

 

 

 

We met 2.5 years ago. He said he was getting a divorce and honestly I was pretty lonely. Really living on my own for the first time with no husband/BF or child living with me. (Oh...that's the first time I really said that, maybe I'm just realizing it for the first time) Anyway, A few days into it we were talking and he told me he was 40 and had been married 5 times and had 4 kids. (he laughed and asked if he should leave now) Well, of course I figured things do change. So, it was just the two of us cuz, one of his kids was grown, the other three lived with their respective mothers. He also told me he was part owner in this glass company that was just opening up. Things moved pretty fast for us and before you know it I was buying a house and we were moving in together. Now, I bought a big enough house so that when our kids came to visit we would have enough room for all of them. I have three 24, 21 and 15 his kids are 21, 15, 11 and 9.

 

Next thing I know he's asking if his pregnant daughter and baby daddy can move in for a short time since they are moving back here from out of town. I let them.

 

His kids and mine come for the summer, and things are good.

 

But, the next thing I find out is the place he is a part owner in, he really isn't anything more than an employee and it is closing it's doors. Another guy that was working there had a glass company before a big hurricane a few years before and so he reopened in the same shop that this other company closed in the very next day. And of course once again he's part owner.

 

Well, he never really gave me much money because he was paying child support but he was bringing home about 800 a week. So once he started working with this other company I started only getting a 100 bucks a week here and there. He had agreed to pay half of the household expenses when I bought the house. Even if we would have just rented he had agreed to do that. Before you know it I'm not getting any help from him what so ever.

 

So, he asked his daughter to move out probably about 2 months after she had her baby. She hates me becuase she thinks I made him. I didn't even know he told them to leave until they were moving out.

 

So, a few months go by and I tell him he must find a real job where he is making money because he was working his 40 hours plus a week and bringing home 100 a week. Now that I thinkg about it he was probably getting paid more money or getting paid in other ways that I didn't know about.

 

I'm retired from the Navy and I do not do drugs. About 9 months into our relationship I found out he was smoking pot. Several times he denies it's his, gives excuses etc and every time I do my best to believe him and believe it when he says he'll stop.

 

Long story short, even after he gets a better job the money situation doesn't really change.

 

We were drinking quite a bit. I do like to drink as well but it seems all we do is fight and I guess that's because we have all this underlying stuff going on. I asked him to move out at the end of December, I had to pay his down payment which wasn't much because they were having a special. I gave him pretty much all the old furiture (not really old 2 years maybe) I had from my 1 bedroom apartment, helped him move etc. He never once paid his rent on time. Then in February (so only out a month) his ex Wife loses custody of his 2 middle kids due to drugs and he gets full custody of them. But in the mean time he has to find a place for all of them to live. So I allow him to move back into my house for about three weeks because he couldn't affort to pay his rent and come up with more money to find some place larger. He eventually finds a place through a close friends sister and now lives in a four bedroom 1.5 bath house 5 mins from his job and has not one time since April paid his rent on time. He is now bringing home 600 a week and can't pay his 800 a month rent and elec, and gas on time. His gas just got cut off again.

 

 

Anyway so, as far as the way he acts he always picks a fight when he's drinking sometimes even when he isn't drinking. He's pushed me down once, and I had to go to the hospital to make sure I didn't have a fractured wrist. Thank God I didn't but it took such a long time to stop hurting.

 

 

 

This past weekend we went to a concert as I stated wayyyyy in the begining of my first post and he was trying to make me sit down while alot of people were standing up dancing to the music. My son (who is a big guy) I gave him my seat and sat in the sand then when another seat was vacated I sat in it and he insisted I make my son change places with me so I could sit next to him. Now these chairs aren't the easiest to get out of so when I declined of course it became about me not wanting to sit next to him. So, finally I gave in and my son and I swithced places. I'm not sitting next to him 5 minutes and he starts accusing me of finding someone else while I'm there and going to get drinks etc. He has my keys to my car and tells me he has a ride home in my car and he'll leave me and my son there. Well, I'm not to worried about that because my mom is there but he's not driving my car the way he is so I tell him to give me my key etc. He gets up storms off. Longer story short. He treated me like **** once again and this time in front of my mother and her family. I'm starting to think maybe he's crazy.

 

 

I know one thing...I've been crazy to have been with him for so long.

 

 

Now he won't stop texting me so I guess I'm going to change my phone number and the large TV I allowed him to use from my house which I told him I'm getting back I guess I should just let it go as well. I CAN afford another one and it probably is best for me not to have anything ever to do with him again. And if I went and got it (while he wasn't home) I bet he'd say I stole it even though it's mine. I of course no longer have a receipt.

[iceweasel6]

Now that's a story! I like how your making these realizations as your telling it.

Overall, I can see that you know what's good for you, but at the same time, as humans we have an innate desire for intimacy, closeness, and socialization. However, now that you have made realizations, and steps towards preserving yourself, your on a positive road to recovery.

 

Your a trusting person - so trust yourself as much or more than you trust others. Let your internal radar help you detect who is good and healthy and who is not.

 

As for the TV - let it go. It's an item that will get old, break down and need to be replaced.

Stay positive, don't respond, and change your number (so long as you told him to stop contacting you and still continues to - that's a green light to change it).

 

All the best.

[kalena9488]

Thanks IW! I appreciate the response. I thought it was funny about the realizations too. Can't see the forest for the trees sometimes.

[iceweasel6]

I hear ya. Keep plowing away and placing one foot in front of the other - you will eventually get there.

Don't forget to trust you. I don't know why, but when I read your story I keep getting this eerie feeling that you trust others more than you trust yourself.

I could be wrong - but thats the feeling I'm getting.

[2010_Sorry]

Yes... I think the idea of being single after being in the comfort of a relationship is more scary than staying in the wrong relationship.

 

Happy independence day to you!!