East7 Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 So basically xMW broke the NC and told me she has been missing me like hell and she is dying to see me again. We exchanged news and she proposed to meet for this summer. She gave me her available dates and proposed that we go somewhere by the sea to spend a couple of days together. She told me to pick the hotel and place I like, she doesn't mind, just wants to be with me... All my lessons learned are like forgotten. She has badly stirred my feelings. Part of me wants so bad to see her again and another part wants to run away afraid to be hurt again. She said her marriage is not any better and she is staying for the child only (typical...) but not mentioned any intention to divorce. So no hopes whatsoever, just her addiction ruling her and me indirectly. So Im somehow trying to find myself excuses : "go and have fun"/ "she is offering herself on a plate, why refusing" etc etc. But I know that when I'll see her I will crush again and it will hurt like hell to let her go and say goodbye. F***! I was doing so well, now I miss her again and the old feeling....Im confused.
Confused4Now Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 So basically xMW broke the NC and told me she has been missing me like hell and she is dying to see me again. We exchanged news and she proposed to meet for this summer. She gave me her available dates and proposed that we go somewhere by the sea to spend a couple of days together. She told me to pick the hotel and place I like, she doesn't mind, just wants to be with me... All my lessons learned are like forgotten. She has badly stirred my feelings. Part of me wants so bad to see her again and another part wants to run away afraid to be hurt again. She said her marriage is not any better and she is staying for the child only (typical...) but not mentioned any intention to divorce. So no hopes whatsoever, just her addiction ruling her and me indirectly. So I'm somehow trying to find myself excuses : "go and have fun"/ "she is offering herself on a plate, why refusing" etc etc. But I know that when I'll see her I will crush again and it will hurt like hell to let her go and say goodbye. F***! I was doing so well, now I miss her again and the old feeling....Im confused.In bold my friend....why put yourself back on that roller coaster again? Nothings changed just her hating her life and wants to have some fun. Listen East you and I have very similar stories....Maintain NC. I don't even know why you'd even respond. Her only option to you is to have D papers in hand.
Confused4Now Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 She's just pulling the string to see if it still works!!! Hell, do I still own?? Oh looks like I do!!! Sweeet!!! Cause she is saying she doesn't want you part of her life, just a weekend getaway. Her contacting you with nothing done is a total disrespect to you.
TigerCub Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 East, you know I adore you, so please don't take this the wrong way: SNAP THE F*CK OUT OF IT!!! This woman broke your heart, this woman is staying "for the kid" give me a f**king break! She's a money grubbing whore and she's only there because life is so comfortable and she is too much of a coward to put it on the line for "love". Fine, if that's the case, so be it, let her make her choices. But damned if you're gonna be the one to be her escape when she's bored or lonely or whatever. Let the miserable c*nt stay in the rut that she's made! I get so angry for you because I like you so much and I hate to see you get used like that. You let her worm her way back into your life with these pathetic advances because you wont go completely NC with her and block her off for good. I hate that she makes you revisit all the feelings that you had for her (which are hard enough to forget as it is), but she wont let the wound heal, she keeps picking at your wounds and you let her. Please block her, you deserve so much better. ***HUGS***
Author East7 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 In bold my friend....why put yourself back on that roller coaster again? Nothings changed just her hating her life and wants to have some fun. Listen East you and I have very similar stories....Maintain NC. I don't even know why you'd even respond. Her only option to you is to have D papers in hand. The bold sounds so true. Romantic escape from the reality
Author East7 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 Awww Tiger, you are my protecting angel I haven't said yes, just badly tempted, I admit. I thought she was over me but now coming all sweet and romantic. I thought she wanted to work on her M, she really sounded guilty, remorseful and comfy with her H...well clearly she is not. I am always her sweet frenchy lover she wants to pine for.
TigerCub Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Awww Tiger, you are my protecting angel Aawww, That's right! I'll kick her a$$ if I have to I haven't said yes, just badly tempted, I admit. I thought she was over me but now coming all sweet and romantic. I thought she wanted to work on her M, she really sounded guilty, remorseful and comfy with her H...well clearly she is not. Since when do the words of a MM/MW hold any truth? She's just popping up to see if you're still interested in her. She just wants to see if she still has the power and allure. Don't give her the satisfaction. I am always her sweet frenchy lover she wants to pine for. Exactly!! be the sweet frenchy lover that she CAN'T have! I'm so happy about not having intercourse with xMM because I'll always be the one that it never worked on, I'll always be the one that he so desperately wanted to f**k and never got to. Although I didn't hold back for those reasons at the time, I am really glad about it now. Be the one that she can't have East. I really really hope that you will completely block her. Leave her to her M and all the dysfunction she has created.
Author East7 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 Aawww, That's right! I'll kick her a$$ if I have to Exactly!! be the sweet frenchy lover that she CAN'T have! these 2 cracked me up. Have you watched this ? : frenchy lover and Kheira, love her accent.. I have been in a similar situation except that in my case her H wasn't cheating:
MissBee Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 You can enjoy this short time of fun and frolicking...but note that nothing has changed in the situation. I used to get sucked into such temporary gratification traps...to feel worst later on. But I had to bite the bullet to learn to say no and keep it moving. So I understand if for you that's what you have to do too. Missing someone and things changing and being better aren't the same. You can miss someone but have no intention of doing anything differently. One of the greatest gems I learned.
Author East7 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 You can enjoy this short time of fun and frolicking...but note that nothing has changed in the situation. I used to get sucked into such temporary gratification traps...to feel worst later on. But I had to bite the bullet to learn to say no and keep it moving. So I understand if for you that's what you have to do too. Missing someone and things changing and being better aren't the same. You can miss someone but have no intention of doing anything differently. One of the greatest gems I learned. Wise words ! especially the bolded. We have already been in vacations together for a short time. It was during the A. After it ended we were both total wrecks (emotionally) -I know she was because she kept talking with me and i saw her changing so much and suffering like hell. I think this time it wont be any different. Both going back home and having the post-vacation sadness which is a thousand times stronger than 2 normal people coming back from vacations. No it isn't worth 'the happiness' of a couple of days for suffering like hell for months afterwards.
silverplanets Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 So basically xMW broke the NC and told me she has been missing me like hell and she is dying to see me again. We exchanged news and she proposed to meet for this summer. She gave me her available dates and proposed that we go somewhere by the sea to spend a couple of days together. She told me to pick the hotel and place I like, she doesn't mind, just wants to be with me... All my lessons learned are like forgotten. She has badly stirred my feelings. Part of me wants so bad to see her again and another part wants to run away afraid to be hurt again. She said her marriage is not any better and she is staying for the child only (typical...) but not mentioned any intention to divorce. So no hopes whatsoever, just her addiction ruling her and me indirectly. So Im somehow trying to find myself excuses : "go and have fun"/ "she is offering herself on a plate, why refusing" etc etc. But I know that when I'll see her I will crush again and it will hurt like hell to let her go and say goodbye. F***! I was doing so well, now I miss her again and the old feeling....Im confused. Hi East, "She broke the NC" ???? or that you didn't take positive action to prevent contact (such as changing your numbers/emails etc) "She told me to ..."???? or that you made a decision to read/listen/engage to what she had to say, rather than just repeat asking "Are you divorced?" etc etc "All your lessons learned are forgotten" ???? Was there ever any lesson learned??? I've constantly suggested you look within and take positive action to remove contact channels - you've never wanted to. So what lessons ? "She has badly stirred my feelings" ???? or that YOU have badly stirred your own feelings based upon your own fantasty/wishful thinking?? "Her addiction is ruling you directly" ???? or that your own addiction is ruling you directly??? "So I find mysef making excuses" ???? or that you still aren't wanting to take ownership??? I am aware that the above may seem hard, but I am not trying to be. What I AM trying to convey is that when I read your post what came over to me (rightly or wrongly) was that this was "her" responsibility. I disagree. How you behave, what channels you leave open, what you choose to engage in is your responsibility. I am not sure speculation about what is going on in her life is important, it seems to me that understanding what is going on in yours that leads you to keep this situation open is more key. I know you know this and I know I have said it before, so I won't harp on. Anyway, at a less deep level of questioning, I would simply say "Don't engage, stay strong, no reply at all is required. Choose your actions, rather than let someone else choose them for you.", and also agree with all the previous replies posted. Back at that deeper level, though, maybe this is a perfect chance for you to now take that positive action and remove yourself once and all from this situation - change those numbers and change those emails. It will then be over. ... but perhaps that last sentence is the real problem here?????? Be at peace my friend, the answer is within you ... Chris :-) :-)
Confused4Now Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Hi East, "She broke the NC" ???? or that you didn't take positive action to prevent contact (such as changing your numbers/emails etc) "She told me to ..."???? or that you made a decision to read/listen/engage to what she had to say, rather than just repeat asking "Are you divorced?" etc etc "All your lessons learned are forgotten" ???? Was there ever any lesson learned??? I've constantly suggested you look within and take positive action to remove contact channels - you've never wanted to. So what lessons ? "She has badly stirred my feelings" ???? or that YOU have badly stirred your own feelings based upon your own fantasty/wishful thinking?? "Her addiction is ruling you directly" ???? or that your own addiction is ruling you directly??? "So I find mysef making excuses" ???? or that you still aren't wanting to take ownership??? I am aware that the above may seem hard, but I am not trying to be. What I AM trying to convey is that when I read your post what came over to me (rightly or wrongly) was that this was "her" responsibility. I disagree. How you behave, what channels you leave open, what you choose to engage in is your responsibility. I am not sure speculation about what is going on in her life is important, it seems to me that understanding what is going on in yours that leads you to keep this situation open is more key. I know you know this and I know I have said it before, so I won't harp on. Anyway, at a less deep level of questioning, I would simply say "Don't engage, stay strong, no reply at all is required. Choose your actions, rather than let someone else choose them for you.", and also agree with all the previous replies posted. Back at that deeper level, though, maybe this is a perfect chance for you to now take that positive action and remove yourself once and all from this situation - change those numbers and change those emails. It will then be over. ... but perhaps that last sentence is the real problem here?????? Be at peace my friend, the answer is within you ... Chris :-) :-)I couldn't have said it any better. Excellent POST!!!
Tenacity Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 I don't know your whole story, but some of it. And I feel for you. I feel the elation, for lack of a better word, coming out in your posts on this thread. You are thrilled that she contacted you. That she wants you. I remember so vividly being in your shoes. I promise you, it won't ever change. You have to get off the rollercoaster or you will never, ever stop being her second-string, go-to man. The truth is, and I learned this the hard way, that people don't respect people who do not respect and love themselves. Every time you run back to her, you reaffirm that. You are accomplishing exactly the opposite of what you hope to. I am so sorry for your pain
fooled once Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 East, you know I adore you, so please don't take this the wrong way: SNAP THE F*CK OUT OF IT!!! This woman broke your heart, this woman is staying "for the kid" give me a f**king break! She's a money grubbing whore and she's only there because life is so comfortable and she is too much of a coward to put it on the line for "love". Fine, if that's the case, so be it, let her make her choices. But damned if you're gonna be the one to be her escape when she's bored or lonely or whatever. Let the miserable c*nt stay in the rut that she's made! I get so angry for you because I like you so much and I hate to see you get used like that. You let her worm her way back into your life with these pathetic advances because you wont go completely NC with her and block her off for good. I hate that she makes you revisit all the feelings that you had for her (which are hard enough to forget as it is), but she wont let the wound heal, she keeps picking at your wounds and you let her. Please block her, you deserve so much better. ***HUGS*** East, TC said it all. Cut her off - now and forever. Tell her to leave you alone before you slap a restraining order on her and she can explain that to her husband.
TurboGirl Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I don't know your whole story, but some of it. And I feel for you. I feel the elation, for lack of a better word, coming out in your posts on this thread. You are thrilled that she contacted you. That she wants you. I remember so vividly being in your shoes. I promise you, it won't ever change. You have to get off the rollercoaster or you will never, ever stop being her second-string, go-to man. The truth is, and I learned this the hard way, that people don't respect people who do not respect and love themselves. Every time you run back to her, you reaffirm that. You are accomplishing exactly the opposite of what you hope to. I am so sorry for your pain Exactly... and it would just be "for fun" for her, because she is missing having you there to adore her and give her the positive feelings that she wants. East... please stay NC and don't go there. Really... she is still married and wants to sneak away for a break with her exlover. OMG. This is not the woman you want in your life. You deserve so much better. What got me, is no mention of divorce or anything there. It's not even in the works or the plan. Understand she has a child, but come on. You either suck it up and STAY and be there for your child, in the marriage 100% or you leave and divorce.
Emme Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 East7 Nooooooo..... East7, Don't go into the light! All jokes a sides. Do you need a vacation. Ok wait... Do you need a vacation with a woman who's not yours. When you can be free and available to many women who would be interested in being with you, during and after. I think you should send her a nasty later. Let her know you are going on vacation without her. On this vacation you will having sex with as many women as you can. You won't be thinking of her at all. That's actually a bad idea ... but it's an idea. In the words of Nancy Reagan... "Just say No" Everything will be ok.. just trust that this feeling will pass :bunny:HUG:bunny:
whichwayisup Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 So basically xMW broke the NC and told me she has been missing me like hell and she is dying to see me again. We exchanged news and she proposed to meet for this summer. She gave me her available dates and proposed that we go somewhere by the sea to spend a couple of days together. She told me to pick the hotel and place I like, she doesn't mind, just wants to be with me... All my lessons learned are like forgotten. She has badly stirred my feelings. Part of me wants so bad to see her again and another part wants to run away afraid to be hurt again. She said her marriage is not any better and she is staying for the child only (typical...) but not mentioned any intention to divorce. So no hopes whatsoever, just her addiction ruling her and me indirectly. So Im somehow trying to find myself excuses : "go and have fun"/ "she is offering herself on a plate, why refusing" etc etc. But I know that when I'll see her I will crush again and it will hurt like hell to let her go and say goodbye. F***! I was doing so well, now I miss her again and the old feeling....Im confused. Why are you reading her emails still???????????????????????????????????? Maybe you do need to go, get it out of your system, get hurt all over again, rehash old memories and bring all that pain back into your life. OR.. You can STOP reading her emails and block/delete her. Or just close down that email account.
chalkfarm Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 East.........love yourself more than you love her. Yes! Yes! Yes! Oui! Oui! Oui! And gesundheit!
Author East7 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Posted July 5, 2011 Thanks to everyone for posting. For those who don't know my story small summary : 1 year A with MW. I was single OM. She is someone I know since childhood that what made it very romantic and undying-love-type A but it has not been any different from other typical A. We ended the A 1 year ago in tremendous pain, she decided to confess and I walked. When the dust settled at home she began to come back and forth pretending to work on her M meanwhile breaking NC with me. For a couple of time looking how desperate and needy she would come back I thought this woman really loves me but looking at her actions I realized that she is just screwed up and even if she loves me she is not able to plan and build a healthy relationship not only with me but even with her current H. Yes I know I was sucked back to the same thing. A romantic escape made me dream for a while but at the end I stopped and told myself "are you going to vacations with someone else's wife?" And the very idea that she sleeps next to another man just disgusted me. All this is just cake eating, nothing more nothing less. She wants to preserve her comfort and security and have emotional bonding and good sex with me, the best of both worlds...so typical. I told her I don't want to go anywhere with her while she is still married and she was pissed off. Oh well. I will go on my own vacations and even if it has to be not so fun at least I'm not accepting to play a happy couple and then go back home as if nothing happened.
Emme Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 :bunny::bunny:YAY!:bunny: ...... :bunny:HUG:bunny:... I'm not gonna lie I was worried for a minute. Stand strong East, we are all here to support.
Gentlegirl Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 East... Something's gone wrong in her life or she's bored. Little old you are there to amuse here again Why should you be? YOu have actually answered your own questions. Your thoughts about her are right. Look after yourself because she's not going to look after you. Gentlegirl
growingpains Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 East, I am so glad you have been strong enough to see it for what it was. Everybody has given great advice and you know you know what you need to do, but of course that doesn't make it easy. I remember when you advised me when I first came onto LS and was asking about responding to OM and you really helped with your reply so I will ask the same back to you 'The question is what do you expect to happen ? Let's consider you resume contact, what is the goal ?' I know how painful it is not being in contact, the longing etc. I have been over six months NC, I have wanted to make contact so many times, I still know that addiction is there, but I just know I can't act on it. The pain is upsetting and difficult, but a drop in the ocean compared to what it would be like if it continued for you. It doesn't make the feelings any less, but to be honest there's not really much you can do with those feelings until something changes, unless you want to endure even more pain. I know you've already responded and she should understand the really difficult situation she's putting you in, rather than being pissed off! You can have as many vacations together as you like when/if she is no longer with her husband. You are definitely doing the right thing. The escape and caving would be the easy way out but would only provide temporary relief, leading to more upset in the long run. Hang in there! GP
Glinda Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Mommy can't leave M because of the tot, but mommy can leave tot to shag with someone who is not tot's father. Bollocks.
TigerCub Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I'm so proud of you East! I knew you could do it. Stay strong and put yourself first mon chou oh and I checked out the movie trailer you gave the link to. I hadn't even heard of that movie, but I totally see what you mean. oh and p.s. my boyfriend has a crush on Keira Knightly too
Owl Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 So, East...have you blocked her emails yet? Removed her from your contacts lists, blocked her from calling your phones/texting/etc...? Have you ACTIVELY taken measures to prevent further contact with her now? Or are you leaving the door open for this to happen all over again a few months down the road when she grows bored again?
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