shocked72 Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Hi Folks, For the last 48hours I've been a wreck, emotionally et al. Why ? I just discovered my wife of 15 years had an affair with a co-worker many years ago. How ? I came across an email on one of her "social" sites in our family email box called "confessions" where she confessed to regularly fooling around with her boss, ending up snogging and more on most works night out and then having sex with him. My wife and I, were together then and I knew nothing of this.... I just don't know how and when this stopped, I suspect it was when we moved countries due to my work, it certainly explains some odd relationship behaviour around that time. We moved around 12 years ago now, to set some context from a time perspective. Now, this is sometime back, we've been married for 15 years, together for nearly 20years and have a wonderful family, 3 gorgeous girls and a lifestyle that wants for nothing. A life I've slaved hard at work to build for us, at times I will admit in the early years probably too much ! But thats the past, and hence my current gut wrenching discovery. My ask is fairly simple, given the circumstance, the past is the past some may say but the hurt ! oh the hurt ! What would you do ? love and forget ? or ask her what this was about ? Your thoughts are gratefully received...
OldOnTheInside Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 or ask her what this was about ? Might as well hear her side of the story. Probably not going to be a reasonable one.
Goldenspoon Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 say but the hurt ! oh the hurt ! What would you do ? love and forget ? or ask her what this was about ? Your thoughts are gratefully received... First, STD and HIV tests. Second, DNA test on your kids making sure they are yours. If she can cheat on you and no remorse, it's only a matter of time before she does it again when the right dicks comes along. That's the kind of woman you married and worked har for to build a home. What you want to do with the information you have and the test results is up to you. Can you live, cheerish and love someone who sleep with other men while married to you and come back to bed with you right after sex with another man? That's your call.
Afishwithabike Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 You need to talk to her about this or it will eat away at you. You deserve honesty from your wife. If you're planning on staying together, you need to get some marital counseling from a therapist trained in infidelity issues. Can you be sure he was the only one with whom she had an affair? After all, if you hadn't discovered this, you would have said she would never cheat on you. Now you know she can and has. So it's quite possible that she may have done it another time with another person(s).
buster2209 Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 You have to confront her with this as it's clearing eating you up. You will only end up resenting her if you don't.....
nandesuka Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Get tested for STD's pronto!! She selfishly put you at risk for any and all STDS her boss and whoever else she cheated on you with has/had exposure to... How many other men was she cheating on you with? Will you ever know? Is it ok if you don't? Those questions would nag at me like crazy. Especially since it's not like she confessed it to you. Would she have ever even told you? It wasn't just one night's mistake years and years ago. She repeatedly cheated on you with him (and who knows how many others)... Are you just gonna silently resent her if you don't confront her only to end in divorce years later when it comes out that you knew?? Deal with it now and see where the cards land. You need to think hard about the paternity tests though. What if you got one thats not your kid? You gonna not love 'em anymore. Biological or not, you're still their father. Up to you if you wanna confuse them and frack them up with the results of a paternity test because of your wife's sluttiness...
michelangelo Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I agree with all of the above advice but want to add: Make copies of all of your evidence and stash it somewhere she has no access to. Why? Because when you confront her, and you must, she will both deny it happened and try at the first chance she gets to delete the evidence. And she'll also try to shift focus to you invading her privacy. I'm sorry you've been used by her.
just_some_guy Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I just discovered my wife of 15 years had an affair with a co-worker many years ago. How ? I came across an email on one of her "social" sites in our family email box called "confessions" where she confessed to regularly fooling around with her boss, ending up snogging and more on most works night out and then having sex with him. My wife and I, were together then and I knew nothing of this.... How many years ago? Were you *married* then? After all of these years, it may be that past is past. Talk about it. I wouldn't freak out about the STD tests. If you had anything from that affair, then it would have manifested long ago. Talk, don't freak out. Maybe see a counselor. It isn't worth having a fit and tossing it all away. Besides, sometimes "internet confessions" are not what they seem to be, so take that with a grain of salt. Sometimes they are more fantasy than reality. But it is is time to talk, openly, without freaking out, and see where everyone is.
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