k100danny Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 basically me and an old friend were reunited around 6 months ago and formed a great friendship. i like everything about this girl, we told each other most things and obviously trusted each other greatly. she admitted she had feelings for me and i also said i did too, we started to flirt ect and go on a few dates. we have been in a casual relationship for only a few weeks when we were on a night out and she flirted blatantly with a female friend of hers who is gay. now she had told me previously that when she was younger she had fooled around with a friend kind of experimenting and this left her confised and she experimented a little. now she says she can find women sexually attractive but doesnt see herself ending up with a woman as she pictures herself with a family ect, she said it was rare she found a woman attractive but from time to time yes she did. now she says lots of women experience this at some time in there life which may be true or not. the thing is i am now having lots of doubts. I do get slightly jealous anyway but nothing that usually causes me much trouble at all. this has played on my mind a lot though, i guess i kind of new going in that she had had these experiences before but to actually see her flirt made me feel sick. we argued and she cried and said she had been in love with me for a long time and she has a flirty nature but she said obviously now we were in some kind of relationship this wouldnt happen again, she was also very drunk at the time (not an excuse i know) I am so worried that this will end and not only the relationship will go but probably the best friendship i have formed in the last 10 years also. any advice would be great. thanks in advance.
TigerCub Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 I'd personally never even consider dating a woman who was bisexual or anything close to it. It's a red flag and women like that are not marriage material. Sooner or later it might be like... she starts "being" with other women and then says it's not cheating because it was another woman. Who wants to deal with that? Bi sexual women are guaranteed to cheat. Straight women never cheat, unlike straight men though... That's the dumbest load of crap ever said!! They are guaranteed to cheat, and you know this for sure, how?? oh yeah and straight women NEVER cheat - f**k some people are just so ignorant.
TigerCub Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Op, with regards to your post...I find the use of the word "jealous" to be weird.. Are you jealous that she flirted with a girl or are you jealous that she's experiment sexually more than you? As far as the drunk "non-excuse", yeah, that's not a good enough reason for her to behave the way she did. But she was honest enough to tell you about her past, I think if you want things to work with her, if you want to give things a try, you need to be very clear on your boundaries and what you consider cheating. You need to tell her that flirting, kissing, making out, etc...is considered cheating even if it is with a person of the same sex. If she breaks any of the rules you both agree on in the future, then break it off with her, but only you can really know if you can trust her or not. You say that you've been friends for 10 years - has she ever cheated in that time span (on whoever she was with)?, has she ever proved to be disloyal or dishonest? If not, then I don't see a reason not to trust her. Sure she was dumb in flirting with someone, but if she's sorry and she understands your boundaries, then see how it goes.
Author k100danny Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 I was jealous about seeing her flirt thats all, not about the previous things that have now started to bother me. i did know all of this beforehand and i didnt seem to mind but when i saw that i was really hurt. she said she is flirty by nature but she understands that it would upset me and she wouldnt have done it if she had thought. she said it wouldnt happen again. as far as im aware and i have no reason not to trust what she has told me as she has been very very honest so far, all the experimenting she did was when she was at college around 7-8 years ago. although she said she can from time to time think a woman is sexually attractive but doesnt consider herself bi or gay in any way. we did have the talk about cheating before we got together, if either of us had ever done it. i said i hadnt and she admitted she had doen it once when young when a relationship had broken down but in her previous relationship she came out of around 9 months ago (6 year relationship with a guy) she did not cheat. Im in a hard place because i really do care about her, but i dont know if i can handle i. if i cant it wouldnt be fair to either of us, as she would have to put up with me being jealous or anxious about it and i would have to put up with feeling the anxiety which is not a nice feeling. thank you for your reply.
TigerCub Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 I was jealous about seeing her flirt thats all, not about the previous things that have now started to bother me. i did know all of this beforehand and i didnt seem to mind but when i saw that i was really hurt. she said she is flirty by nature but she understands that it would upset me and she wouldnt have done it if she had thought. she said it wouldnt happen again. as far as im aware and i have no reason not to trust what she has told me as she has been very very honest so far, all the experimenting she did was when she was at college around 7-8 years ago. although she said she can from time to time think a woman is sexually attractive but doesnt consider herself bi or gay in any way. we did have the talk about cheating before we got together, if either of us had ever done it. i said i hadnt and she admitted she had doen it once when young when a relationship had broken down but in her previous relationship she came out of around 9 months ago (6 year relationship with a guy) she did not cheat. Im in a hard place because i really do care about her, but i dont know if i can handle i. if i cant it wouldnt be fair to either of us, as she would have to put up with me being jealous or anxious about it and i would have to put up with feeling the anxiety which is not a nice feeling. thank you for your reply. hmmm, so she did have a cheat in her past. I can see how that would make the flirt bug you so much more. I can't really say more on the flirt since I didn't know what she really did. But either way its not cool to flirt with someone when you're dating someone else. I'm a flirt, but I don't do it now that i have a boyfriend, he's the only one I flirt with, I joke around alot, but I'm not touchy feely with anyone but my bf, so even a flirt can control themselves. If the part in bold is what you really think will happen, then its probably best to end it, that's no way for anyone to live, that will just lead to a lot resentment, etc. You know yourself best, so you're the only one that knows what's best for you. Maybe you guys can take a break and just go back to being friends for a little while and see how that goes. Good luck oh and thanks for explaining the "jealous" comment. I totally understand
TigerCub Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Ok, wouldn't a bi sexual woman get frustrated eventually if she was with a man and start to miss other women? I'd say the exact same thing about bi sexual men too just so you know, I don't think they would remain faithful. Not a chance. And why would a bi sexual woman want to commit to a guy or marry a guy? Knowing that she will never be with another woman if not forever then a very long time? Because a bisexual person is capable of being sexually compatible with either sex, just because they may miss sleeping with a woman, doesn't mean that they will go out and cheat. They can still be very satisfied with their spouse. Most people (gay or straight, male or female) want sexual variety, but there are some that stay in a committed R without ever cheating, how is that any different? Just because someone may be sexually attracted to someone else, doesn't mean that they will act on it. Furthermore, you claimed in your other reply that straight women don't cheat - go read on the infidelity forum, see how many "straight" women, cheated on their husbands with another man. Another thing is, some people have open relationships - that's not the same as cheating, that's honest and both parties know about what's going on, so that's not cheating, maybe a bisexual person, who values honesty could work out an open marriage arrangement with their spouse. Straight couples do it too. I just don't like sweeping generalizations. Just because someone is bisexual, doesn't guarantee that they will cheat. We all could have a sexual desire for someone outside our committed Rs, but not everyone acts on it. So to assume that someone will for sure because they are bi is very unfair.
oaks Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Ok, wouldn't a bi sexual woman get frustrated eventually if she was with a man and start to miss other women? I'd say the exact same thing about bi sexual men too just so you know, I don't think they would remain faithful. Not a chance. And why would a bi sexual woman want to commit to a guy or marry a guy? Knowing that she will never be with another woman if not forever then a very long time? There's a difference between being able to find sexual attraction with both men and women and needing to have one of each at the same time.
carhill Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 we argued and she cried and said she had been in love with me for a long time and she has a flirty nature but she said obviously now we were in some kind of relationship this wouldnt happen again, she was also very drunk at the time (not an excuse i know) OK, you confronted the issue and apparently resolved it. She said it wouldn't happen again. She now knows flirting with men or women while dating you is not acceptable. It's resolved; let it go. If she breaches the boundary again, she's disrespected you, your agreement and your ten year friendship, and deserves erasure. Note the boundary, the consequences, and move on. Her bi-curiosity/bi-sexuality isn't all that uncommon. I've heard those words from numerous women in my life. They're not full-on lesbians but find women sexually attractive. It's a personal preference and should have no bearing upon their comportment in a committed relationship if they agree that monogamy is their path; if other, that's disclosure. Respond as appropriate. Good luck
TheCoolest Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 basically me and an old friend were reunited around 6 months ago and formed a great friendship. i like everything about this girl, we told each other most things and obviously trusted each other greatly. she admitted she had feelings for me and i also said i did too, we started to flirt ect and go on a few dates. we have been in a casual relationship for only a few weeks when we were on a night out and she flirted blatantly with a female friend of hers who is gay. now she had told me previously that when she was younger she had fooled around with a friend kind of experimenting and this left her confised and she experimented a little. now she says she can find women sexually attractive but doesnt see herself ending up with a woman as she pictures herself with a family ect, she said it was rare she found a woman attractive but from time to time yes she did. now she says lots of women experience this at some time in there life which may be true or not. the thing is i am now having lots of doubts. I do get slightly jealous anyway but nothing that usually causes me much trouble at all. this has played on my mind a lot though, i guess i kind of new going in that she had had these experiences before but to actually see her flirt made me feel sick. we argued and she cried and said she had been in love with me for a long time and she has a flirty nature but she said obviously now we were in some kind of relationship this wouldnt happen again, she was also very drunk at the time (not an excuse i know) I am so worried that this will end and not only the relationship will go but probably the best friendship i have formed in the last 10 years also. any advice would be great. thanks in advance. She is in love with you? After some casual dating? I would probably dump her. Seems like you guys are making a big deal over nothing. I have gone out with bisexual women and allowed them to flirt with other women. I have gone out with straight women and allowed them to flirt with men. I don't see a problem with it seeing as how flirting isn't sex. But if you don't like it all you need to do is tell her that. Kind of shows a lack of maturity that you guys can't just talk about a problem as simple as that. You gonna both throw a fit whenever you don't like something about your partner? Ok, wouldn't a bi sexual woman get frustrated eventually if she was with a man and start to miss other women? I'd say the exact same thing about bi sexual men too just so you know, I don't think they would remain faithful. Not a chance. And why would a bi sexual woman want to commit to a guy or marry a guy? Knowing that she will never be with another woman if not forever then a very long time? Lol you are dumb. Thats the same exact thing as saying that nobody could ever be faithful during marriage because they want to be with other people. If you love someone enough you won't feel a need to be with anyone else. No matter what gender they are. Being bisexual doesn't make a girl more likely to cheat.
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