kingofhearts Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Ok guys I need your help fast today!!!! Me and my ex just broke up last Thursday (posted here). We've both been NC since as we agreed. I still love her a lot, but everyone has been advising me to just move on and not wait. Well, I kinda got a date/hang out, whatever you want to call it with a co-worker later today. She's my age, hot, pretty, interested in getting to know me and all that, but she's not my ex! I'm still in an emotional state right now. I don't want to call it off, but the last thing I can think about is seeing someone else right now even though everyone is coercing me to follow through with this. Should I be going through with this? Is it too early? Isn't there something wrong with this? Should I not waste mine and her time? Should I be concerned about what my Ex would think if she found out? What should I do?
Mack05 Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Mate I am all for moving on but moving on takes months not days IMO. I went on a few dates after my last break up and I stopped doing it, because I am still not ready. I personally think people should take 2-3 months to grieve a relationship before even considering moving on. I am single 3 months and still not ready. People that tend to move on fast are not dealing with their emotions correctly. No matter what the circumstances are in the relationship ending, I think it's important to grieve the relationship. I think things are still raw with you. There are many emotions you have yet to feel. Take your time and deal with these emotions. Once you have grieved the relationship spend time figuring out the mistakes you made in the relationship and be determined not to repeat them. Don't say you won't repeat them, that is naive. Put things in place to make sure you don't make the same mistakes and that you grow as a person. When the time comes you will know when it's time to move on. Not only that you will be giving the new relationship a far higher probability of success..
Author kingofhearts Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 Mate I am all for moving on but moving on takes months not days IMO. I went on a few dates after my last break up and I stopped doing it, because I am still not ready. I personally think people should take 2-3 months to grieve a relationship before even considering moving on. I am single 3 months and still not ready. People that tend to move on fast are not dealing with their emotions correctly. No matter what the circumstances are in the relationship ending, I think it's important to grieve the relationship. I think things are still raw with you. There are many emotions you have yet to feel. Take your time and deal with these emotions. Once you have grieved the relationship spend time figuring out the mistakes you made in the relationship and be determined not to repeat them. Don't say you won't repeat them, that is naive. Put things in place to make sure you don't make the same mistakes and that you grow as a person. When the time comes you will know when it's time to move on. Not only that you will be giving the new relationship a far higher probability of success.. Thanks, Mack. I had a feeling to trust my instincts. I get hit on often so it makes it hard and women who liked me before, see I'm free and want to know "what's up". I feel obligated. I agree with your advice. Just needed some reassurance. Thanks. We were only going to hang out as "friends", but the girl obviously likes me. Should I call it off?
thelovingkind Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 I agree with Mack, I've done this before twice. Both times my mind had me totally convinced it was all legit but in retrospect both were time-wasting rebounds and I'm lucky that I didn't hurt the other people in the process. Now I don't even bother trying to work out whether or not I'm ready in the opening weeks - I just set an initial time for grieving only and not allow myself to pursue anything at all before it.
geegirl Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 If you are in an emotional state, I would advise against dating. Most people use it to help deal with the void that they're feeling but it only backfires on you. If you're not clear mentally and emotionally, you're not doing any one any good. Plus, you may have a perfectly emotionally available person wanting to find a connection with you and it's unfair to her because your heart and mind is somewhere else. Invest some time in healing and getting yourself together again. You want to be whole when you go out there. You want to be healthy emotionally and mentally when you open yourself up to dating because this will allow you to make right decisions for yourself vs. what you're trying to do now which is, finding a temporary fix/distraction from the hurt you are going through. You will know when the time is right. It will all fall into place.
Author kingofhearts Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 I agree with Mack, I've done this before twice. Both times my mind had me totally convinced it was all legit but in retrospect both were time-wasting rebounds and I'm lucky that I didn't hurt the other people in the process. Now I don't even bother trying to work out whether or not I'm ready in the opening weeks - I just set an initial time for grieving only and not allow myself to pursue anything at all before it. If you are in an emotional state, I would advise against dating. Most people use it to help deal with the void that they're feeling but it only backfires on you. If you're not clear mentally and emotionally, you're not doing any one any good. Plus, you may have a perfectly emotionally available person wanting to find a connection with you and it's unfair to her because your heart and mind is somewhere else. Invest some time in healing and getting yourself together again. You want to be whole when you go out there. You want to be healthy emotionally and mentally when you open yourself up to dating because this will allow you to make right decisions for yourself vs. what you're trying to do now which is, finding a temporary fix/distraction from the hurt you are going through. You will know when the time is right. It will all fall into place. Thanks guys. Needed some quick support and you didn't fail me. Much appreciated. It's just that.... My boys are in my ear etc...... I don't want to look like a bytch, but I'm just not ready on the inside...... I love my Ex. ....she's hot too. I guess I just gotta bytch out.....
geegirl Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Your boys should be supporting you and commending you for your maturity. This is not a game, especially when there are other people involved, who could potentially get hurt by bad decision making. Do what is best for you. Screw peer pressure. It's so overrated.
Author kingofhearts Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 Your boys should be supporting you and commending you for your maturity. This is not a game, especially when there are other people involved, who could potentially get hurt by bad decision making. Do what is best for you. Screw peer pressure. It's so overrated. Thanks Geegirl. That's why its good to get experienced opinions.
samm84 Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 The date is what you make it. Don't feel rushed or pushed into anything you don't want to do. From my personal experience, dating very shortly after a breakup is a bit of a gamble. I've had both good and bad experiences so far: THE GOOD I went out to a bar with a girl from University, we got talking and kept things friendly. We each had similar interests and brushed upon the topic of breakups. She seemed really understanding and helped me to realise that there are nice people out there who have had similar experiences. THE BAD Soon after my breakup I got talking to a girl that had shown an interest in me a while ago. We planned a night in at my place to watch a film and hang out. The minute that she entered my house I wanted her to leave. I felt uneasy that she was in my ex's space, like I was fooling myself into replacing my ex with someone else. I guess try to remember that you're hurt and not looking to replace your ex just yet. Ideally you'll meet up with someone who will cheer you up and give you hope that there are nicer people out there. Good luck man!
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