danny1972 Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 been a year and a half now and i still seem to be struggling , the fact we have met up a couple of times during this period seem to be slowing down the healing process. our relationship wasnt the greatest, together about 3 yrs split up twice during that time we were both drinking to much , plus she had issues from the past she was raped ,dare i say it 4 times by 4 different people , she always managed to put this to one side , and even got therapy at one stage , but has stopped that now for reasons io dont know , things have been made for her as she was sacked from her job and has no money , and relying on food vouchers , she has had about4 or five boyfriends since we split , i want to help her but i would be doing it for selfish reasons , when we make the effort we can really get on , she has stipulated even recently there is no chance of reconciliation , just makes me feel worthless , coupled with the fact she is dating low value guys doesn't do my confidence any good , any help here would be much appreciated .
smudge21 Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 She clearly is a girl with a lot of issues, none of which are her fault. But sadly often in these cases there's little you can do to help. You feel so useless and powerless as you see the person you still love suffering and feel you should help, in some way. Many may say it's unfair that she comes back to you occasionally. That would be okay if you were just friends, but you've shared more than that and you are clearly still in love with her. You've never allowed yourself time to heal, to focus on you. She's never really been away from you long enough to consider it no contact. The fact remains that you will continue to feel like this until you can distance yourself from her, but I know how hard that will be considering her circumstances and how much you care. Sometimes we just have to let go. Have you ever thought that she relies on you too much - that she may not be getting all the help she can whilst she has someone like you to fall back on. Maybe if you stepped back it could force her to make some changes, to seek more professional help. I don't know, I barely know the situation and am no expert, all I can offer is my viewpoint. All I do know is, that clearly whatever you're doing now isn't having much affect for either of you, so something needs to change. You can't both continue like this. You know that. She's hurting no doubt, but you're hurting too. As harsh as this sounds, sometimes you have to think about number one, before anyone else. See what others have to say and search around here as I'm sure this is not the first time a situation like this has arose on here.
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