I think I'm destined to keep finding these types of relationships....

[Starvin4Perfection]

Hey All,

 

I seriously think I'm destined to be in a relationship where my significant other is gone about half of the time. I got married to a soldier when I was 20 and ended up leaving 4 years later. I didn't like the deployments, but it was the communication that killed it and I realized that I was just too young at the time to make a decision that big; personality-wise, he just wasn't for me.

 

I've been in relationships since I was 16 that usually span between a year and 4 years. So after I left my ex-husband, I met a guy and we dated for about a year and I ended it cuz I knew it wasn't right for me, fun or not. Low and behold a little over a year ago my boyfriend and I started dating.

 

This guy is so different from anyone else that I'm used to. Every guy that I've been with before has seemed to fall for me fast and hard and I'm the one that ends up leaving (that wasn't meant to sound cocky). I am a psych major and have taken a lot of classes to help me understand why my relationships worked and why I left. This guy is amazing in so many ways. He treats me really well, is very affectionate, attentive, smart, etc etc. The thing I've had to learn with him though is patience! He is 28 and has been in a total of 6 relationships (including myself) but his friends say that really 2 or 3 of them count. They span from 3 - 6 months and we've broken the year mark. It took me 8 months to meet his family, I'm the only girl he's brought home, cried in front of, and told I love you. He is amazing and I love him... but it's getting hard.

 

He is so independent and such a commitment-phobe that I really struggle at times going back and forth on if it's me or his fear. He told me that he's always been by himself and in for adventure, but now he has one foot in adventure mode and one in settle down mode now. I just don't know when he'll settle down though. He is a pilot and just started flying for the airline he's always wanted to and this year is gonna suck! He's based 2.5 hours away and has a crash pad down there so we can only see each other on his days off which are typically my work days... ugh.

 

I wanna stick it out, but man, this sucks and is getting stressful. What can I do to keep myself occupied if all of my friends are married with kids and don't leave the house??? Sorry for the ridiculously long post, but thank you if you managed to get this far!

[madjac74]

You find these relationships because its obvious you have a serious need to be in a relationship one way or another. You said you've been in relationships since you were 16...well take some friggin time for yourself and decide what you want in your life. Once you are comfortable being by yourself you can be more choosey about who you date and then about who you get into a relationship with.

 

And if your married friends dont get out of the house much then go visit them and that will certainly take your mind off your situation. Or most importantly find some hobbies that you can do solo.

[NonyaB]

If all your friends are married and/or have kids and they don't go out, you can still go to visit them.

 

I don't think it's so much that you are destined to have these sorts of relationships, I think it's the fact that you 'want' to have a relationship, and therefore haven't given yourself some time to be alone and find yourself, figure out what you like/want/need.

 

I know some (well most) people don't like to be single, but sometimes it's good to be single because you have time to think and try to figure out what it is you want before you jump into an other relationship and it doesn't seem like you have taken that time for yourself.