RootSen Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 As of a few hours ago I had to break up with a girl I was dating for 5 months now. What she did she thinks is not a giant thing but to everyone I've spoken to they have been in complete shock. I had in the beginning of my relationship with her talk to her about posting pictures of her self in her bra and panties on this online site called "Tumblr." She agreed to never do it again and in that time deleted it for our relationship sake. Now on this day I get a message from a mutual friend who found that she had indeed made another tumblr and had continued posting pictures of herself in the way we had fought about before hand. This time she had added nude ones as well. At that time I was frustrated and heart broken. I for one never thought she would EVER do that and to this time I feel as if I wasn't good enough to keep her attention. It was as if she needed my attention and all the other men of the world to see as well. The thing is that I would of never in a million years would of guessed this, eveyone that saw us together knew how much of a connection and great together we really were. As of now I'm trying to control my emotions and know that what I did with ending it with her was a positive reason and that I shouldn't date someone like her that can't respect herself nor me. I just needed to vent and to be know that going back with her if anything would be the dumbest decision of my life. That she doesn't care for me because if she did she clearly would of not done any of those things knowing it upset me to no end.
0hpenelope Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 This is all about her and not you. We all have limitations in how we can help each other and in her case, she doesn't see her tumblr extracurricular activities as harmful. As to her not caring for you, I want to say this: don't make assumptions. This is your anger talking. She knows that resuming her online activity would upset you but she still did it anyway; ergo, this is automatically about not caring for you? Listen, most likely this isn't about her being out to hurt you: this problem is her. The internet is useful for many things and one of them is being able to indulge in exposing our naked bodies without showing our faces. If this is her compulsion, bad habit, a symptom of a psychological illness, etc. then it's a legitimate issue that she needs to deal with - but it's got nothing to do with you. This is her problem and right now, at this present moment, you cannot help her. Unless you didn't mention other information, too, that would indicate that she didn't care about you. Otherwise, I really think that just because she's doing it again, doesn't mean that she doesn't care about you. However, if there is a solid basis in fact, not assumption, that she resumed such activities as a "revenge" to you for telling her what to do, that she resumed exposing herself just to spite you, then yes. Perhaps she didn't care about you as much as you care about her. I note your bitterness and believe that this is usually the jumpstart that a lot of us use in order to start letting go. But don't hang to that bitterness too tightly. You must let that go, too. You know what? You came here for validation, so you're going to get it. Yes, you made the right choice in breaking up with her. Now keep away from this girl. She's got something going on with her that's got nothing to do with you. I hope she gets help and I hope you find the help that you need in order to get through this heartbreak.
Author RootSen Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 Thank you, I know I do have a lot of bitterness. It's just hard having to find these out on your own or through a mutual friend. A shame how you can go from 100% everything going the right way to this. I also forgot to mention on the website she happened to have a "tumblr girlfriend."
0hpenelope Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Thank you, I know I do have a lot of bitterness. It's just hard having to find these out on your own or through a mutual friend. A shame how you can go from 100% everything going the right way to this. It just goes to show, brother. There are two people in the relationship: you and her. You know what's going on w/ yourself 100%. You own your thoughts, the changes in thought, etc. Her? Well, she's the only one who knows what's going on w/ herself. What you know about her is what she tells you, what you see, and how much you trust her. And it hurts when that trust is betrayed. Also, some people engage in posting nude pics "anonymously" (your ex isn't totally anonymous at all since you and your friend know what she's up to) just for fun. There's nothing bad about them, maybe they're that comfortable with their bodies and want to share. Sometimes, those people have significant others who are okay with it. You? You're not. That's the difference. You're not okay with it, she still did her tumblr dealio, and you're right to feel hurt. Again, it's probably got nothing to do with you and it's really all about her. I also forgot to mention on the website she happened to have a "tumblr girlfriend." Is this an actual online relationship? People have done those jokes before, too. (ie. "Jane Doe is in a relationship with Sarah Smith" but Jane and Sarah are actually just really close girl friends) It sounds like it's more of the former than the latter. Do they swap photos?
kingofhearts Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 .........Weird.....um...... I've dated strippers in the past!......if that helps.... Now give me her Tumblr address and I'll get down to the bottom of this..... LOL. Na, JK, dude. I'm a big joker...lol.. BUT, I have dated strippers... don't ask. I think 0penelope is dead on, this has to do with her. I've been through something similar. Not going to share details. What she's doing isn't necessarily wrong and there are guys who will put up with it. I'm interested in what she is doing it for. Is she a model? An artsy free spirited girl? Is she slutty with it/provacative? Do the photo's have taste? I'm an artist and if they are not sleezy, photos then I completely "get it". Some people are just fascinated with the human body. You're not wrong for standing your ground. Everyone has preferences and if you can't deal with her actions, then you did the right thing. It's obviously something that she enjoys doing and she won't give it up anytime soon.
Author RootSen Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 That I could not tell you. I'm assuming so because of the fact that I've come across different ones over a 2 week period it seemed. Some sent to people that will post them for all others to see.
Author RootSen Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 @kingofhearts She was the type that didn't really give a damn what others thought or what anyone around her that cared for her thought. But yet she would get WILDLY angry with me if I was to say look up women on the internet or a picture of a girl in a bikini showed up. As an example she told me she did not want me to watch anything erotic sort on the internet because she felt it disgusting. Yet I go to see she exposing herself I guess you could say in a model like way, tho she is not a paid model or anything of the sort.
kingofhearts Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 @kingofhearts She was the type that didn't really give a damn what others thought or what anyone around her that cared for her thought. But yet she would get WILDLY angry with me if I was to say look up women on the internet or a picture of a girl in a bikini showed up. As an example she told me she did not want me to watch anything erotic sort on the internet because she felt it disgusting. Yet I go to see she exposing herself I guess you could say in a model like way, tho she is not a paid model or anything of the sort. Yea, bro. Unless she is a hypocritical liar..... Those pics that she is taking has NOTHING to do with sexual attention. This is a pure hobby and appreciation of her body. I don't know her, but from what I'm getting, that's all it is. The worse thing you can do is make her feel like an belittled for doing it. Are you familiar with tumblr? It's an artsy type of blog too. It makes sense, man.
Author RootSen Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 @kingofhearts Oh yeah I indeed know what tumblr is, I have one myself. I know they are used for artsy forms and "models" it just the fact that I asked her not to post those type of photos because I saw those types as something you share with your significant other. But apparently she didn't see it that way if she had to go behind me and make one. She even told me if she ever made another one she would let me know. I know I told her in the past that I didn't care if she had a tumblr if she just respected my wishes and kept what she told me she would do. I even compromised and cleared all erotic and threw out all movies I owned to just please her so she didn't have to worry I would be going behind her back.
kingofhearts Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 (edited) Yeah, bro. Just leave her if you can't deal with it. It's like someone having a problem with me designing. They have to go! You're not wrong and she isn't either. You have to accept and support it or move on. If I met a female who was doing that before I met her, I personally have enough tolerance and understanding to accept it. No biggie to me. I get it. To each it's own, man. Hope you find peace with it. I know I told her in the past that I didn't care if she had a tumblr if she just respected my wishes and kept what she told me she would do. She's going to keep hiding it from you because you won't accept this side of her that she is proud of, bro. She likes doing this.... as awkward as it may be to you. I even compromised and cleared all erotic and threw out all movies I owned to just please her so she didn't have to worry I would be going behind her back. Again, it's not a sexual thing so this did you no good. You could have shipped those movies to me! lol. Even though you feel like she's being sexually aroused by exposing herself it is still not equal to you're erotic collection, because it ain't! It's an artistic expression. Edited July 4, 2011 by kingofhearts
Author RootSen Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 @kingofhearts Thats the thing she's never been PROUD of her body. I can't count the amount of times that she would call me up in tears complaining how she thinks she fat, she hates her body and all that other snazz that the majority of todays girl do. Then go to see her posting it all over the web? I mean come on! Here is the thing, I am understanding as can be. I can be very understandable and probably would of accepted that she loved her body and wanted to show it off. She just went about it all wrong and in stead of talking to me about it, she went and did it behind my back. I probably should of mentioned she just turned 18 and that I'm 21.
kingofhearts Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Thats the thing she's never been PROUD of her body. I can't count the amount of times that she would call me up in tears complaining how she thinks she fat, she hates her body and all that other snazz that the majority of todays girl do. The Tumblr helps her then. This is her therapy/release..... an expression. Then go to see her posting it all over the web? I mean come on! What?! This is what she want's to do, man! Here is the thing, I am understanding as can be. I can be very understandable and probably would of accepted that she loved her body and wanted to show it off. She just went about it all wrong and in stead of talking to me about it, she went and did it behind my back. I probably should of mentioned she just turned 18 and that I'm 21. I was going to ask the age, but I don't think it matters too much in this case. Approach her about it and ask her what is her favorite picture and why. Ask if she's inspired by someone else who is doing it. She probably won't stop talking about it. Have a sincere convo and be interested. You'll prolly find out a WHOLE lot more behind it.
Author RootSen Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 Well as far as its concerned I doubt there will be any type of conversations between us. So as far as talking it out I don't think it will ever get there, as to me it will always sit in the back of mind that she had to lie to me about something instead of coming to me directly.
Author RootSen Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 I also had another question, When we broke up, she had no type of emotion no type of can we talk this out. She just texted me 7 hours later asking if I was really done with her over a small thing and that she was sorry it had to end this way and that she loved me. She had always been the type to always show her emotions, the type that wore it on her sleeve I guess you could say. But this time, it was nothing. As if it was no big deal.
Author RootSen Posted July 5, 2011 Author Posted July 5, 2011 Well today I found out that she had been doing things after I left her home after 12:30 or 1 am. She would have her friends come pick her up and she would go trip acid and what not. While she was doing that she would tell me she would be in her room at home just texting me and reading. So safe to say that I did a good job on getting rid of this one.
Author RootSen Posted July 5, 2011 Author Posted July 5, 2011 Thanks lovely needed a good firm response and I appreciate that. Well at first I thought she was classy, the first 3 months were damn near perfect. But I guess she saw it as she still wants to go out and party and do things all her single friends do yet have a boyfriend. So have her cake and eat it too. Which in the end will only end in disaster. So thank you!
kingofhearts Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Are you...are you really this naive? As if you are unaware of the trendy online sluts these days where they take pictures in slut-like fashion on social websites to get attention? Are you really this aloof? You know you do not believe what you are saying right now. You are not sheltered and know exactly how the world is these days w/ these online whores and insecure little girls. I didn't want to be judgmental off the bat. That's why I asked questions about the taste of the photo's. I've been to school and drawn nude people. Are they whores? I even know photographers that shoot naked women with taste. Are they whores? Maybe she IS doing it for a release. Does that honestly make her a whore? I was just speaking from my experiencing and trying to be understanding rather than condemning. It's very odd behavior. As he mentioned about the pics.....They weren't slutty! OP, don't listen to that guy, he dates strippers for God's sake. Who are you to judge? I don't go hunting for them. lol. On top of that, you're calling this girl a whore and you don't even know her. You know what.... I love you too, Lovelyg. She would have her friends come pick her up and she would go trip acid and what not. While she was doing that she would tell me she would be in her room at home just texting me and reading. Rootsen, I only hope you seen my point of understanding before prejudging someone. Good job on catching her in another lie. As I said before, she could've just been a hypocritical liar. You did the right thing.
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