Geya Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 I've been broken up with the ex for 2 months now, I seem to heal well and I'm doing better but the one thing that I can't control is the anxiety and the fear of getting hurt by him again, we've had this pattern of breaking p and making up for two years it's been exhasuting and traumatic, I know he's bad for me but it feels like a drug that I can't say no to, I really want to move on but something inside me just burns when the thought of seeing him again after school begins, I feel anxious nervous and uncomfortable, I want to be done with this but I can't shake the feeling off, I think I can't trust myself to say no, it's sad and terrifying I don't know how I got to this stage.. I don't think it's part of healing I feel like it just prolongs it, I'm afraid of somethin that isn't happening I'm afraid of getting hurt again but I'm not getting hurt again, I can't stand living in such fear
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 have you tried meditation? find a comfortable chair, close your eyes, and focus on your breathing (think "IN" when you inhale, think "OUT" when you exhale) after you have focused on your breathing for about a minute, imagine yourself in a VERY relaxing place (most comfortable chair, lying on the beach, ect... ect...) after you reach this relaxing place, just let your mind wonder. don't fight any thought that comes to your head just let it go through your mind and then let it go (kind of like you are watching a parade of your emotions as they approach you and eventually go out of sight). I did this for about 10 minutes per day after my break up. Even when I wasn't experiencing bad emotions. I'll try to find the other meditation exercise that I have and will post the details on that as well.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 have you tried meditation? Meditation find a comfortable chair, close your eyes, and focus on your breathing (think "IN" when you inhale, think "OUT" when you exhale) after you have focused on your breathing for about a minute, imagine yourself in a VERY relaxing place (most comfortable chair, lying on the beach, ect... ect...) after you reach this relaxing place, just let your mind wonder. don't fight any thought that comes to your head just let it go through your mind and then let it go (kind of like you are watching a parade of your emotions as they approach you and eventually go out of sight). I did this for about 10 minutes per day after my break up. Even when I wasn't experiencing bad emotions The Release Technique find a comfortable chair, close your eyes, and focus on your breathing (think "IN" when you inhale, think "OUT" when you exhale) after you focus on your breathing for about a minute, Think of a situation that evokes a POWERFUL emotional response. Allow yourself to feel that emotion for a few seconds. Now ask yourself these questions: Could you Allow yourself to feel this emotion? and answer Yes or No Could you Try to let it go? answer yes or no (is it possible that you could try to let it go?) Could you Hold onto it? yes or no (if you say yes, you gain the power of knowing that you are holding onto it on purpose) Then go back to Could you Try to let it go? yes or no Now if you answered Yes to could you try to let it go, now ask yourself: When? This should allow you to see that you are intentionally holding onto toxic emotions, and in doing so will help you get rid of them. If it doesn't work for you the first time you do this try again tomorrow. this technique doesn't work for everyone on the first try. It is recommended that you do this technique at least 3 times on 3 separate days before you give up on it. Good Luck, I hope this helps.
brokenheart2012 Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 If not meditation, then perhaps medication. Klonipin works quite well.
2sunny Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 contrary action! just DO what you are afraid of! that's the best way to get past it - and be proud of yourself. i tackled a few in the past year or so. public speaking... only way - just do it. fear of heights recently overcame that too. at work - just started climbing up high on the ladder and working so hard i forgot i was up high.
thelovingkind Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 You could try intensive exercise. Kayaking, rock climbing, squash, running, etc. Find something that's practical for your surrounds. Consciously think about putting a little bit of the anxiety, frustration, heartache and anger into every swing / step / paddle. Draw the link in your mind between physical expulsion of energy and emotional expulsion of energy. Come home, have a bath, a glass of wine (if you trust yourself with alcohol) and rest to some music
Author Geya Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 have you tried meditation? Meditation find a comfortable chair, close your eyes, and focus on your breathing (think "IN" when you inhale, think "OUT" when you exhale) after you have focused on your breathing for about a minute, imagine yourself in a VERY relaxing place (most comfortable chair, lying on the beach, ect... ect...) after you reach this relaxing place, just let your mind wonder. don't fight any thought that comes to your head just let it go through your mind and then let it go (kind of like you are watching a parade of your emotions as they approach you and eventually go out of sight). I did this for about 10 minutes per day after my break up. Even when I wasn't experiencing bad emotions The Release Technique find a comfortable chair, close your eyes, and focus on your breathing (think "IN" when you inhale, think "OUT" when you exhale) after you focus on your breathing for about a minute, Think of a situation that evokes a POWERFUL emotional response. Allow yourself to feel that emotion for a few seconds. Now ask yourself these questions: Could you Allow yourself to feel this emotion? and answer Yes or No Could you Try to let it go? answer yes or no (is it possible that you could try to let it go?) Could you Hold onto it? yes or no (if you say yes, you gain the power of knowing that you are holding onto it on purpose) Then go back to Could you Try to let it go? yes or no Now if you answered Yes to could you try to let it go, now ask yourself: When? This should allow you to see that you are intentionally holding onto toxic emotions, and in doing so will help you get rid of them. If it doesn't work for you the first time you do this try again tomorrow. this technique doesn't work for everyone on the first try. It is recommended that you do this technique at least 3 times on 3 separate days before you give up on it. Good Luck, I hope this helps. That sounds really good! I'm going to try that tonight thanks alot.. Yes meditation really calms me down but I haven't had a good technique of meditating, this one sounds like a really good one..
Author Geya Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 contrary action! just DO what you are afraid of! that's the best way to get past it - and be proud of yourself. i tackled a few in the past year or so. public speaking... only way - just do it. fear of heights recently overcame that too. at work - just started climbing up high on the ladder and working so hard i forgot i was up high. What I'm afraid of is getting hurt again or repeating the cycle of going back to him and hurting again, I can't do that, but can face my fear, thanks for your advice
Author Geya Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 You could try intensive exercise. Kayaking, rock climbing, squash, running, etc. Find something that's practical for your surrounds. Consciously think about putting a little bit of the anxiety, frustration, heartache and anger into every swing / step / paddle. Draw the link in your mind between physical expulsion of energy and emotional expulsion of energy. Come home, have a bath, a glass of wine (if you trust yourself with alcohol) and rest to some music Thanks I'll try that, I don't do alot of sports but I guess it's time to, I always hear exercising is good for you after a breakup but I'ved never tried it! I need that kick of endorphins so bad
shanemike88 Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 I've been broken up with the ex for 2 months now, I seem to heal well and I'm doing better but the one thing that I can't control is the anxiety and the fear of getting hurt by him again, we've had this pattern of breaking p and making up for two years it's been exhasuting and traumatic, I know he's bad for me but it feels like a drug that I can't say no to, I really want to move on but something inside me just burns when the thought of seeing him again after school begins, I feel anxious nervous and uncomfortable, I want to be done with this but I can't shake the feeling off, I think I can't trust myself to say no, it's sad and terrifying I don't know how I got to this stage.. I don't think it's part of healing I feel like it just prolongs it, I'm afraid of somethin that isn't happening I'm afraid of getting hurt again but I'm not getting hurt again, I can't stand living in such fear I was literally in the same situation up until 2 months ago with my off and on again girlfriend for 3 years. We would literally break up and get back together all the time. It seemed we couldn't even get into a little fight without one of saying us breaking up with the other. It was so bad my girl and guy friends pretty much wanted nothing to do with me because they couldn't understand why I would go back to a girl who treated me so bad. Eventually you're going to stop the cycle because you can only get kicked in the face so many times before you finally realize it hurts and it's not worth it. Trust me all of this IS part of the healing stage and it DOES get better with time.
Author Geya Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 I was literally in the same situation up until 2 months ago with my off and on again girlfriend for 3 years. We would literally break up and get back together all the time. It seemed we couldn't even get into a little fight without one of saying us breaking up with the other. It was so bad my girl and guy friends pretty much wanted nothing to do with me because they couldn't understand why I would go back to a girl who treated me so bad. Eventually you're going to stop the cycle because you can only get kicked in the face so many times before you finally realize it hurts and it's not worth it. Trust me all of this IS part of the healing stage and it DOES get better with time. Thanks shanemike88, glad to know someone knows what I'm going through, exacty it's nt worth it at all, but there's a part which gets addicted to it, addicted to the drama, but I know deep down that I don't want it anymore it's not worth it also know that there's some body out there who will make me much happier..
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