jmh190 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 I have been going to this restaurant for a few months now and I immediately noticed that there was a girl working that was attractive to my own tastes. Every time I go there she seems to help me so I have an idea of how her personality is by making small talk and just being overly friendly. I have been meaning for a while to ask her out or at least her number. But several things have prevented me from doing that, but that's not important. So anyway, last night came this time, except I didn't know it would happen. I was dining with a friend and I told her about my feelings for the girl working. She said that she would go up to her and tell her to see what she said (Yeah, I'm 20 but sometimes these high school tactics still come in handy). So eventually I had to leave so when I left my friend went up to and said all of those things. So, now what she said. My friend said she seemed very flattered and that she recognizes me. She also said that I seem really nice. Then my friend asked if she would be interested if I asked her and she said that she wasn't wanting to date at the moment. So I'm not necessarily sure what this means. She seems to be really reserved so maybe dating just doesn't cross her mind. There can be a lot of different theories. But now it's out in the open so I have to do something about since I like to go there. And I really want to at least get her number. So let's remain POSITIVE here, what is the best way to go about asking her this? Should I continue going back without saying anything? Or should I do it soon? Yes I know that she said she wasn't wanting to date. Let's just keep that out and focus on advice that would lead me to doing this. I like a little challenge haha. Thanks everyone. I look forward to your advice
motive2002 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 "I don't really want to date right now" = "I'm not interested in you." She's trying to let you down soft.. and chances are you aren't the first one this week she's said that to if she works in a highly social environment and has to be friendly to all the customers.
Author jmh190 Posted July 3, 2011 Author Posted July 3, 2011 But it seemed like she never gets questions asked like that. My friend said she was both flustered and flattered at the same time.
motive2002 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 But it seemed like she never gets questions asked like that. My friend said she was both flustered and flattered at the same time. Lots of women are flattered when a guy asks them out. Doesn't mean they're interested in dating them. In fact, I would say one of the most common responses from girls that aren't interested is the whole "I'm flattered" bit. On the bright side of things, at least she didn't say "OMG ewwww NO!". Most women don't want to sound like a total bitch about it.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 But it seemed like she never gets questions asked like that. My friend said she was both flustered and flattered at the same time. I agree that she probably isn't interested, or she would have given you more of an in. If you want to confirm, you need to ask her out directly and confidently. If she says no to a direct invitation, she's not interested.
rafallus Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 But it seemed like she never gets questions asked like that. My friend said she was both flustered and flattered at the same time. Of course she was, it strokes her ego. I was dining with a friend and I told her about my feelings for the girl working. She said that she would go up to her and tell her to see what she said (Yeah, I'm 20 but sometimes these high school tactics still come in handy). So eventually I had to leave so when I left my friend went up to and said all of those things. That's exactly why it happened - high school tactics = why? Too scared to talk to her in person?
Finch Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 I do not think there is any advice anyone can give that will help you get a "yes" from her, even if you ask her out directly. It's great that you want to focus on the positive, but you might be better focusing on the positive with someone else. The girl may indeed have been flattered, but if she was at all interested in you she would have said so. Her saying she's "not wanting to date right now" does not mean she doesn't want to date - it just means she isn't interested in dating you. She was trying to be nice about it, and that's quite possible where her being flustered came in. You, of course, do not need to heed this advice, or the advice that anyone else gives about this. You can ask her out yourself if you like. Be aware, however, that since she has already turned you down by proxy, you asking her again in person may only make her feel awkward around you. She works in a business where the staff are expected to provide customer service and it's possible you mistook her work attitude for personal interest. No one likes to be put on the spot, especially in the place where they work. If you enjoy going to this restaurant and would like to continue to go there in the future it might be better not to look like you are harassing the staff.
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