kittycat95 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 I saw this, and think it's interesting and worth a read http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201012/the-thoroughly-modern-guide-breakups
Geya Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Indeed it's interesting, thanks for sharing. It does feel like a drug.
Geya Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Yup. Pretty much sums up what me and my ex of four years went though. I did not have the strength to dump her so I slowly started pulling away.. not treating her as great as I did at the start of the relationship, but when she finally started getting sick of me **** and left me over facebook pretty much. So I was really heartbroken that she could end a four year relationship over facebook. It killed me. I knew it needed to end and I wanted it to end, but her killing the relationship the manner that she did put me though a lot of unnecessary pain.. she's just lucky I never really cared that much or I might have been so hurt I could have done something much more drastic. . . I really hate people. I'm sorry to hear that , mine wasn't even done through facebook mine was done in the cruel-est way ever, he simply disappeared, for days he wouldn't reply to anything, just like that, even to my BBM messages, they get delivered and even read (BB tells us when they read them) but no response, it was for almost a week then I asked him about something not relationship related he answered, then I told him what he did was very cruel, and that was basically it, he didn't even reply to that, I was traumatized, I was like in a different planet I never experienced such pain before, he then days later was more comfortable to talk about it and said he was sorry, no explanation for why he decided to breakup, just like that... The breakup hurts alot but what he did hurts even more, it's gona take me a long time to heal from going through such a thing..
Author kittycat95 Posted July 3, 2011 Author Posted July 3, 2011 I thought the part about how not being broken up in person affects you. It's so true. Every time my ex has dumped me it's been over text. This last time, what happened was he suddenly started to ignore me after a fight and after I kept trying to reach out to him he said "get over it, we're broken up." It totally does keep a person hanging around and looking for answers. I've been unable to have NC with him for more than a day. The feeling is, if someone reacts to you angrily and "breaks up" with you, that they don't "TRULY" mean it. That's just how it feels emotionally I guess. But you can also take the power back and regardless of the mode of the break up, treat it as truly over, accept it, and break communication. I am only in day 1 of NC and it's pretty tough ><
Geya Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 I thought the part about how not being broken up in person affects you. It's so true. Every time my ex has dumped me it's been over text. This last time, what happened was he suddenly started to ignore me after a fight and after I kept trying to reach out to him he said "get over it, we're broken up." It totally does keep a person hanging around and looking for answers. I've been unable to have NC with him for more than a day. The feeling is, if someone reacts to you angrily and "breaks up" with you, that they don't "TRULY" mean it. That's just how it feels emotionally I guess. But you can also take the power back and regardless of the mode of the break up, treat it as truly over, accept it, and break communication. I am only in day 1 of NC and it's pretty tough >< Hang in there! It gets easier... We'll get over it
thelovingkind Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 I'm the strange type who actually prefers being broken up with over text or internet. I like the fact that it means I can react on my own, in my own time, and swear or cry or look numb and lost without feeling self-conscious about the other person being there. It also means I can go away and think about what I really want to say in response, if indeeed I want to say anything at all, rather than just filling in the silence with desperate questions.
Author kittycat95 Posted July 3, 2011 Author Posted July 3, 2011 I know what you mean. I suppose there's good and bad to both situations. If I was broken up with in person I might do a lot of pleading with my ex. When it's a text/email situation I can process things in my own way without having to fall apart in front of him. I guess text/email (actually scratch that, text is too awful!) - EMAIL - would be good if the person actually produces a thoughtful sort of writing that does not leave you with lingering feelings.
Eeyore79 Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 I like the part where it recommends that you shouldn't try to remain friends. It delays healing for the dumpee, and it's an unpleasant experience for the dumper to feel like they're stringing someone along and giving them false hope. Also having an ex hanging around is bad for the future partners of both people; it creates unnecessary jealousy and discomfort. I believe that a clean break is best, to preserve the dignity of both parties and to give future relationships the best possible chance. When I end a relationship, it's because I don't want that person any more, so why would I stay friends with them? I agree it's nice to be civil if your paths cross, but maintaining a friendship is a no-no; I never date anyone who maintains a friendship with an ex.
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