Double2 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 (edited) Hello. I've had a very strange, long relationship with a girl (Me being the guy). 2/3 years ago, we started talking over the internet. I put her through a hell of a lot to come see her (Through body insecurity, not sure how it would turn out etc, so we were always ending chats, then coming back to talk to each other) and eventually I met her, September of 2010. The relationship went so well, we did absolutely everything, we travelled, we texted constantly, we missed each other whenever we were split apart, incredible times. She was my first kiss, I lost my virginity to her, she was the first girl I ever saw (Now you'll probably understand the insecurities I have). Last week she rang me, and said along the lines of "I was talking to another guy and I felt a little something for him, so I don't think I can do this anymore if I can feel things for other people, I promise its not him". I totally believe her. She gave other reasons such as, the distance isn't a massive issue but its still there, she feels slightly torn from her life at home (She's 19, works almost full time as a waitress) when she comes to stay. She doesn't want the restrictions of having to text me when she's out (Even though some of our first arguements were about me not wanting to text when I was out). She didn't "Want to be in a relationship right now" So here we are, 10days after the breakup. Here was my plan to get her back (Whether it was good or bad, that's your choice). Day 1-3: I was extremely upset, crying to her down the phone, pleading and saying that this is only a phase, typical depressing things. Response: Getting annoyed at me calling her and texting her, asking for space, saying I was pushing her away. Although she said she still cares about me, and loves me. Day 3: I made a long video for her, took me 1 day to do and another to edit. I went around every spot we had been to, reminding her of the amazing times we had, places that meant a lot to her, etc. I filmed myself reading out a script, saying how much she meant, how much I missed her, all that kind of stuff. Response: She said it was amazing, but she said she was regretful you might of wasted your time, she didn't want to get back together. That night I said I was going to get drunk on my own, with the reponse "Please don't.". I responded with "I just don't care anymore" and she didn't text back. In the morning she said that she was with her friends and didn't want to text, although she was worried. Day 4: The emotional bits went on a bit longer. I asked if I had kissed someone would it matter to her? She said no, I'm not your girlfriend anymore. I then said what if I had sex? She said "A bit". I asked what you were sat in the room, and another girl and I were having slow sex, with me saying how much she meant to me (A big thing between my ex and I - that romantic kinda connection) and she just got extremely angry and turned off her phone. Eventually she turned it back on, but I exited and initiated NC as quick as possible. 3 minute phonecall being as strong and logical as possible, saying things like "I'm pushing you away further" "Good luck with university" (In 4months time). The very last thing I texted her after the phonecall was saying "if you ask me to remove the videos I will, but I might do it anyway". Also, I said "I won't visit the doctor" (About a medical insecurity I have). Haven't contacted her since. Day 5: Contacted one of her friends who's a guy, asking for advice. Apparently him and his girlfriend who had also split up, were going to get back together. Response: No contact back. Day 6-7: Went out with a couple of friends, on facebook I was seen with people she was either jealous of or didn't like (through looks, and she wanted me to delete numbers etc). I contacted her best friend saying I hope (my ex) was doing okay, I wish the video I made her made more impact.. She said, she cried during the video, but looked fine when she had left (Although through her guy friend and I, knowing that she hides her emotions). A few more hits on the videos I made her. Day 8: Her guy friend and another of her friends got back together. Perfect PR opportunity. I asked my sister to give the old "you guys had great chemistry, I hope you can work things out". She said "I hope he's okay, I know he's devastated." and "We won't work things out, I ended it". I asked one of my friends to contact her in the afternoon giving a slightly more emotional one, with "You two had great chemistry" etc. She responded the same pretty much, with "I can't really imagine how toms feeling, just make sure he's okay..". Once again, more views on the videos I made for her (Through statistics I know its her.) Day 9: Is today. Not quite sure how to handle the NC. I've posted a few facebook status' edging on things that meant a lot to her. E.g, humour, references to me working out (Amatuer bodybuilder here). Clearly its constructive to make her come back, but I'm not sure (Perhaps a weakness of information or my ability to analyse signals) whether its constructive, or its making it easier for her to move on? Should I get in contact with her again, knowing that I'm devastated and I haven't actually moved on, be friends, make her laugh, try not to edge on bringing up the past, and wait for the whole "I still have feelings for you.." conversation. Would that help? Notice however, she has watched the videos I made her, and she hasn't asked me to remove them considering they upset her so much. It's a long distance relationship, so should I be worried about NC being destructive? Is getting my friends, and contacting one of hers breaking the theory of NC? Good or bad thing? I'm stuck with knowing whether or not I'm doing good. She means the absolute world to me, and I know you people have had that feeling too. We've helped each other so much, we have so much chemistry, and as she works so much and has been extremely busy, and I don't have any part time work, it seems like I've been intense in contact, I've told her this. We've helped each other so much. Any advice? (Thank-you so much for anyone who replies, I know you were in the same position as me when you signed up, wanting answers) Edited July 3, 2011 by Double2
buster2209 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Aw jeez man, you need to move on. I'm guessing your either not older than 23 right? Chalk this one up to experience and don't make the same mistakes with the next one.
Author Double2 Posted July 3, 2011 Author Posted July 3, 2011 Aw jeez man, you need to move on. I'm guessing your either not older than 23 right? Chalk this one up to experience and don't make the same mistakes with the next one. The thing is I do think things are going well in terms of getting her back? I told her I'll never give up fighting or lose hope, and doing the NC thing is part of that. Also I'm actually younger then her by 2months, I'm 19!
Author Double2 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 Please, anyone else have advice? As time goes by I lose her
thelovingkind Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 The only way to stand a chance of getting her back (and even then we're talking less than 1 percent chance) is to stop doing everything that you're doing, cut loose and start moving on with your own life. The kind of stuff you're doing to get her back only works in Hollywood movies where people's actions are bent to the whim of audiences' demands and not based on real human instincts. Just stop trying so hard. Let the feelings of desperately wanting her back roam around your head but don't let them spill over into real world gestures. Put your energy into trying not to need her back rather than trying to get her back. This way you'll either get to choose whether you take her back, or you'll end up moving on, and either is a good place to be.
Author Double2 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 I did think this, hence the non contact, it's more of a hedge. Since its long distance, do you think we should just become friends? I honestly do feel that with the 3 years of being on and off (We had to stop talking because it wasn't healthy to not be allowed to see one another, so lets just end it kinda thing) it will bring back feelings for her, surely? It's not like she's a totally different person, she just works more?
TearyEyedPride Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Let it go Double. No seriously... let it go. You're setting yourself up for failure. She doesn't WANT to be in a relationship right now and she wants to be able to explore her other options in a normal relationship. Meaning she's wanting to date, kiss, have sex, snuggle and have other men in her life as her support system. Are you willing to just be the supporting friend while someone else gets the real perks? Initiating NC is a good step but only if you're going to use it to heal yourself from the breakup. I honestly believe that NC works for the better that way. Holding your breath for that ex to come back might pay off, but she may just come back to make sure you're still alive and breathing and doing well, not to be in a relationship.
EgoJoe Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 NC NC NC NC NC NC. For real. Not trying to give you false hope but ten bucks says you hear from this girl down the line. IF YOU DO NOT ACT LIKE A SUCKER. My advice, POOF, Dissapear and SPARE your dignity.
Author Double2 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Posted July 5, 2011 NC NC NC NC NC NC. For real. Not trying to give you false hope but ten bucks says you hear from this girl down the line. IF YOU DO NOT ACT LIKE A SUCKER. My advice, POOF, Dissapear and SPARE your dignity. Whats the best way, in your opinion, to initiate NC in my circumstance, or in any? Few Q's: Should I remove the videos? Tell her I'm removing her number? Delete from facebook etc?
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