stephany Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 (edited) Hello everyone. I am a newbie to this site. My boyfriend and I split up at the end of last year. It was a mutual agreement after 4 years we decided we both needed to move on as our relationship wasn't going anywhere. Being a mutual thing and both trying to be mature about things we have kept in contact via text and email and we see each other about every month. We are on good terms. However recently he has become very negative, not his usual happy, friendly self - even when he initiates contact. He's always got something to moan about whether that be work or his health and other things. I am thinking either one of three things - 1: he doesn't want to keep contact any more and is hoping I will stop contacting him first 2: he wants me to feel sorry for him, needs emotional support 3: he is just going through a bad phase I don't want to reach out too far if he needs emotional support as he is my ex and I think it's best we keep some distance on that level. My colleague thinks he may even want to get back together - this is something I disagree with (andit just doesn't make sense) but as I have been thinking about him and worrying slightly about him I am thinking more and more about this. As I have said we have both moved on, there is that special bond between us still but that's inevitable. Edited July 3, 2011 by stephany spelling mistake
thelovingkind Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 From the information you've given it sounds like he's just going through a rough patch. It's perfectly understandable that, given your past, you don't want to get too invested in these problems. I would just convey this to him in as polite and caring a way as possible.
Author stephany Posted July 3, 2011 Author Posted July 3, 2011 Thanks that's what I initially though but he has been seeing someone for a few months now and I wonder why he doesn't just moan at her! Why me? His moaning has been going on for about three months now!!
carhill Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 It sounds like he's turned you into a tampon. That's the word I use when 'friendships' appear to be a one-way street. You can be 'mature' and end a relationship and have no further contact with that person. Accept the end, having positive feelings about the experience and who you each were during it, and look to the future on your own. Think of all the people you've encountered in your life whom you've shared with and enjoyed their company and have never seen nor contacted them again. That's human existence. Suggestion: Put up a firm boundary about 'moaning'. If he's interested in your life and has positive things to share, you're available. Otherwise, EOS. He'll move on or he'll respect your boundary and remove you from tampon duty and start acting like a mature man. Good luck. Welcome to LS
Author stephany Posted July 3, 2011 Author Posted July 3, 2011 (edited) It sounds like he's turned you into a tampon. That's the word I use when 'friendships' appear to be a one-way street. You can be 'mature' and end a relationship and have no further contact with that person. Accept the end, having positive feelings about the experience and who you each were during it, and look to the future on your own. Think of all the people you've encountered in your life whom you've shared with and enjoyed their company and have never seen nor contacted them again. That's human existence. Suggestion: Put up a firm boundary about 'moaning'. If he's interested in your life and has positive things to share, you're available. Otherwise, EOS. He'll move on or he'll respect your boundary and remove you from tampon duty and start acting like a mature man. Good luck. Welcome to LS HA HA a tampon - I like that! I think I'm just going to ask him what's up He does start off by asking how I am, offers me advice and we still do have a laugh but when it gets to him talking about his life it's all doom and gloom despite him being in a new relationship. I just think he should be talking/moaning to his new girlfriend but I guess they're at that honeymoon stage where everything is great and he doesn't want to spoil it. It's just that he was always the positive one in our relationship and I've never seen him so down before. I am little worried he might be regretting us spitting up but it's a funny way of showing it! Edited July 3, 2011 by stephany sp
carhill Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 So, since you and he broke up about six months ago, you're both mature and he considers you a good friend and stays in consistent contact with you and sees you once a month, has he introduced you to this lovely lady whom he's dating? I recall, after dating my exW a couple months, I met her 2nd exH and his father when we went to his house to get the last of their marital 'stuff' she had stored there. It went well. Very 'mature'. In retrospect, I wish I had gotten to know him better. How does that sound?
Author stephany Posted July 3, 2011 Author Posted July 3, 2011 Thanks Carhill - No, I haven't met his new girlfriend. This is because he wasn't sure if their relationship would last. He thought it might just be a rebound thing so neither of us thought it appropriate. I guess your ex and you had a stronger relationship from the start so that's why you met her ex. We don't speak much about his relationship. They have been together for about three months now I think so maybe it's time I meet her! I actually suggested this a while ago and he laughed it off and said she's really shy!!
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