His self esteem ruined us.

[cherrygoespop]

Thank you for coming to my post. PLEASE READ, and PLEASE RESPOND. I need lots of opinions!

 

So, I posted in here yesterday about how my long term boyfriend of 2 and a half years dumped me and then stopped contacting me, and I was going to do the whole NC thing - but failed.

 

We spent a small amount of time typing to each other on skype last night (I was amazed that he was replying) ...

 

..and he opened up to me like he never has before. About how low his self esteem was, and it's totally rock bottom. How he had convinced himself he was a terrible boyfriend and couldn't make me happy etc. And how he started to hate himself.

 

I tried to tell him he was the best boyfriend there was and I was always happy with him, and if I truely knew he felt this way I wouldnt have helped.

 

He said he hates that he broke my heart and what he has done to me, but that he needed to do it etc. And that he just "ran out of batteries" in our relationship.. if only I knew when we were together things were this serious!

 

I emailed him today, it was not very long - just explaining how he was a good boyfriend, and i'll love him through good and bad, and would always be there for him. And how i am going to give him his space, and hopefully one day soon in the future we can meet up and really have a good talk. Though im not sure if or when this will happen, he insists there will not be an "us" again.

 

Other than that I do not know what to do.

 

ALSO, I know you may say things like "Oh get over it".. but you know it's harder than that, especially when you planned your lives together and shared such amazing times together, and still could. And I know he loves me.

 

I need him to get out of this self hate and come back to me where he belongs.

[thelovingkind]

No one here will tell you to "just get over it" - these things are soul destroying and nearly everyone on the forum has a first hand appreciation of what you're going through at this precise moment. However, your ex-boyfriend has made it very clear how he feels. His feelings have run dry, he has no interest in the relationship anymore, and he sees absolutely no future for you as a couple. Ignore the stuff about self-esteem, etc. I'm not saying he's lying but that is not what it's really about. Most break up discussions get some degree of distracting material folded into them in order to soften things down.

 

Ultimately he belongs where he feels he belongs, and sadly that is no longer with you. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you will start to feel some comfort and closure.

[cherrygoespop]

No one here will tell you to "just get over it" - these things are soul destroying and nearly everyone on the forum has a first hand appreciation of what you're going through at this precise moment. However, your ex-boyfriend has made it very clear how he feels. His feelings have run dry, he has no interest in the relationship anymore, and he sees absolutely no future for you as a couple. Ignore the stuff about self-esteem, etc. I'm not saying he's lying but that is not what it's really about. Most break up discussions get some degree of distracting material folded into them in order to soften things down.

 

Ultimately he belongs where he feels he belongs, and sadly that is no longer with you. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you will start to feel some comfort and closure.

 

No, I truely believe and know that his self esteem issues were the main reason (he has had a bad past).. obviously it wasn't that alone, it was other little insignificant things that could have been fixed.

 

And you are right it is very soul destroying, but I dont just want to get over it and move on without trying to get back together - mainly because it didn't end on bad terms, it ended with him feeling broken (which is an issue with himself)... If I had the chance to have a long discussion face to face some time in the future, I would want to try and work things out, and make him believe he is worth fighting for.