famous bean Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Hi there, my first time here but I'm really lost and need advice, the only people I can speak to about this are out so speaking to total outsiders seems good. Sorry if it's the wrong forum I didn't know where else to post this. As the title said, I found her tape. It was on her computer with loads of other photots/films form years ago. Been together for nearly 2 years now, we have a lot of the same friends from years ago before we even met, so being bored I was flicking though them. There are a few pics on there of her and her ex but it's never affected me seeing her and her ex together just normal. Then I come across this folder with some more 'privet' photos and videos. I wish I never opened it when I knew what it is, but curiosity got the better of me. It's in the past and I know that. But I can't help but feel rotten inside for seeing the girl I love 'with' someone else. I don't know what to do, she comes back form work in a few hours, and I know she can tell something is up with me. I don't know if I should tell her, or just go out calm down and just put it behind me. Just to make it clear, the issue is nothing to do with not trusting, or feeling betrayed, or any thing like that. It's just difficult to see... no one should have to see that. My head is a little messed up right now, anything would help. Thanks.
amethyste Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 You haven't been very specific, so I have to ask you this: you found a sex tape on your gf's computer, in which she was having sex with her ex? Or just pics & other explicit videos taken for her ex? If she kept a video of her & her ex having sex, well, I think that's a bit weird. If she kept just some pics & sexy videos, I don't think there's anything to blame her for. I always joke and say that my ex could open a porn website with the pics & videos he has from me; I still keep some of those pics (for myself) & I don't feel guilty at all. But... I wouldn't keep a video of me and my ex having sex. Anyway, whatever happened between them it's in the past, but if this represents such a big issue for you, you could tell her the truth about finding her "private folder", and see what she has to say about this.
spacegirlspiff Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 You should just let it be bygones. She made that in the past anyway and she probably don't even remember having them in the pc anyway.
Forever Learning Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 i know this much. some people REALLY FREAK OUT when you snoop into their private stuff. Like, freak out so much they will break up with you. here's a question for you. Should your girlfriend be allowed to have anything that is private and all hers? Like for instance, her diary (or a 'journal')? Old love letters? Oh for kicks and giggles lets even take it a little further..... Should she be allowed to go to the bathroom with the door closed? (did you know there are some people who insist their significant other keep the doors to the bathroom open at all times? Some even remove the doors inside their house entirely. Does that sound mentally ill to you? It does to me. I know of at least one celebrity who is purported to have done this - Axl Rose did this to his girlfriend, Erin Everly. And, Axl is not known to be the most mentally stable guy. The point is, there has to be some boundaries to privacy, within a relationship). ok so anyway hopefully that got you thinking. the bottom line might be, there needs to be boundaries to privacy, even within the most intimate and close knit relationship. her past is something that is all hers, you weren't there and you weren't around yet. it's hers not yours. you peeked on something that was private and hers. she didn't want to share that with you, or she already would have. are individuals in relationships allowed to remain as individuals? or must they blend together so much so that they become as one with the other, and there are no longer any priviate areas they can keep for themselves? boundaries. a subject i am studying lately. hope that helped you somehow.
alexlakeman Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 SHe still looks at her old porn flicks with the ex to get off on herself, I guess... she fantasizes about him, but is with you... Why else would she be holding on to them? I would save them on a cd and stash them for later, just in case you need them for any reason... Then tell her to delete the sh)t..
Coil Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 this is a tough one. I'd probably let it go. Could cause more harm than it is worth. hopefully you can cover your tracks.
azsinglegal Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I've broken up with guys who have gone through my computer, read my email and looked at old pictures. It's an invasion of privacy. Keeping them doesn't mean I still want those guys or masturbate to them. It's just part of my history that I don't want to delete.
nandesuka Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 +1 for what brokenhartedkid says. I couldn't have said it better myself.
azsinglegal Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 SHe still looks at her old porn flicks with the ex to get off on herself, I guess... she fantasizes about him, but is with you... Why else would she be holding on to them? I would save them on a cd and stash them for later, just in case you need them for any reason... Then tell her to delete the sh)t.. I don't know ANY women who masturbate to pics or vids of them with an ex. Maybe this is something MEN do... Telling this guy to save the pics/vids on a CD for later is disgusting. THIS is how things are spread around the internet that had no business being shared. Honestly...
Buck Turgidson Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Just to make it clear, the issue is nothing to do with not trusting, or feeling betrayed, or any thing like that. It's just difficult to see... no one should have to see that. Then don't go snooping for it. Snooping is bad for the same reason cheating is: it involves a serious violation of boundaries and trust. No one should have to worry about their partner invading their private space.
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