OneLovesickPuppy Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 I've been seeing this man for 2 months now, and things are going great, except for the fact we don't seem to be on the same page about how to define the relationship. ! must admit--we moved very quickly, probably too quickly, but it felt right at the time. Now I'm starting to feel like it was a mistake not taking things slow. We are already at a point where we spend all our free time together, and I stay at his place 80% of the time. We treat each other like boyfriend and girlfriend and it certainly feels like a committed relationship, and yes, we are sleeping together, in case you didn't guess. He seems to need reassurance that I'm not interested in anyone else (which I'm not) and yet anytime "commitment" comes up, he makes it abundantly clear that we are not, in fact, in a committed relationship. I'm started to feel taken for granted, and maybe even a little taken advantage of. Another thing that makes me suspicious is he never asks me to come socialize with his friends, and generally doesn't want to socialize with mine. It's not like he won't go out with me in public. We work in the same industry and he goes to industry related events with me. But even then, he usually seems on edge. I've confronted him about it and he says he just doesn't like big events where he gets recognized. He is fairly well known around town, and I wonder if he is concerned about his reputation. One last thing I suppose I should mention is that he is much older than me. I am 26 and he is 47. He has never been married, which makes me suspect commitmentphobia. And no, he's definitely not gay. I am crazy about this guy and want a serious relationship. But I'm at a point where if he can't commit, I feel don't think I can continue the way we have been. Am I being unreasonable?
GildedLily Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 If you're into statistics: Once a man gets past 43 yrs old it's unlikely he will marry. He does seem commitment phobic; you're young, date others!
carhill Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Yes you are. I suggest that you examine him very carefully. This education will bode you well in the future. Tip: With some men you have to be direct and assertive in clarifying the relationship status. 'I prefer to be intimate and exclusive with only the person who is committed to me. Do you feel you want commit to me exclusively at this time?' Listen. If 'yes', then 'I'm happy we're on the same page. I'm looking forward to introducing you as my boyfriend to our friends and family.' Celebrate as appropriate. If 'bla bla' (obfuscation) or 'no', then 'OK, it doesn't sound like you want to, so I'll look at my options and date other people, since I'm looking for a long term committed relationship'. Then, do that. Don't let charm, good looks and social proof sway you from your elementary needs. If the other person just moves on, then you have some really good information about your true value to them. Good luck
Recommended Posts