PeggyLou Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 My husband had a 6-months affair 3 years ago and I never really got over it. I was thinking of having kids with him until I discovered his affair through the phone bills and messages. What's very upsetting is he never told me himself, it was the OW that called me and explained almost everything we did. As a way of punishment I put laxative in his food every month and he becomes sick the next day with a stomach ache. Then I see is him running to the bathroom. I admit to laughing in silence and till this day he has no idea I'm doing this. Another occasion: His money got stolen when we had a reunion party. What he doesn't know is both me and one of my female friend spiked his drink. I gave all that money ($500) to her while he was laying there unconscious. He end up throwing up the next day, with a headache and couldn't remembered anything. Off course he has no idea I did this to him. I want to stop this as it's not helping and at times I do feel bad but another part of me says he deserves this. But it's like I've become someone I never was. I just want to be the same sane woman I once was before he emotionally (internally) destroyed me.
Author PeggyLou Posted July 3, 2011 Author Posted July 3, 2011 He has showed remorse a bunch of time and though I see he's trying hard, I continue punishing him by making him sick. I know he'll never find out about this but I'm starting to feel kind of bad. Is there a way I can stop this?
John Michael Kane Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Wow. Lady I kindly suggest you just stop before he ends up in the ER. Just divorce him if you're miserable with him. And don't expect to fully recover from being cheating on because it won't happen. The pain will just dull as time goes by. It won't completely go away, but cutting out the main source (your husband) can go a long way.
rafallus Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 (edited) My husband had a 6-months affair 3 years ago and I never really got over it. I was thinking of having kids with him until I discovered his affair through the phone bills and messages. What's very upsetting is he never told me himself, it was the OW that called me and explained almost everything we did. As a way of punishment I put laxative in his food every month and he becomes sick the next day with a stomach ache. Then I see is him running to the bathroom. I admit to laughing in silence and till this day he has no idea I'm doing this. Another occasion: His money got stolen when we had a reunion party. What he doesn't know is both me and one of my female friend spiked his drink. I gave all that money ($500) to her while he was laying there unconscious. He end up throwing up the next day, with a headache and couldn't remembered anything. Off course he has no idea I did this to him. I want to stop this as it's not helping and at times I do feel bad but another part of me says he deserves this. But it's like I've become someone I never was. I just want to be the same sane woman I once was before he emotionally (internally) destroyed me. You do realize that you can have criminal charges pressed against you for things you're doing, if someone finds out and reports you? And with internet vigilantes on the loose, I wouldn't be shocked if someone already was on your case. And I'm not even close to kidding about any of those. Besides, that really shows that working things out after cheating isn't even always possible at all. Edited July 3, 2011 by rafallus
bentnotbroken Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 You are wrong! If you can't move past it LEAVE! Stop being physically abusive. You are going to end up in jail and he in the hospital or worse.
gpatb43 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 You are not getting the revenge you think, you are actually damaging yourself by allowing this behavior to continue. Is this really the person you want to be? You have to decide whether you want to be in a loving relationship with him, and then go to therapy together if you do, or separate if you don't. This isn't the way to deal with this.
YellowShark Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Wow PeggyLou. You are sick. Seriously. I am totally not defending your husband as I am a former BS... but poisoning your husband is downright underhanded and evil. You need therapy, or a few weeks in prison, to smarten you up ASAP.
Bryanp Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 You will end up going to prison. One time you will make sick so he goes to the ER. They will do a toxic screen and find out. Please seek counseling because you are on a slippery slope. You are poisoning your husband. If you think you are unhappy now, just wait until you are spending time in prison.
John Michael Kane Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Hello! You need to stop poisoning your husband before something serious happens (which you will definitely regret). Right now you are suffering and need to find another outlet to vent your anger. Although hurtful, an affair does not always signal the end of a marriage, it's a warning sign of a crisis, something that needs fixing in the marriage. If you chose to stay married work at fixing it. This article might give you some thoughts. http://howtosavemarriagenow.net/schwarzeneggers-should-arnold-and-maria-try-to-save-their-marriage/ An affair does signal the end.
anne1707 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 An affair does signal the end. No it does not. It is possible for a marriage to survive and thrive after an affair but it takes a lot of hard work from both husband and wife who must also both be fully committed to this process. The old marriage is dead and a new marriage together is needed for long term success.
John Michael Kane Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 No it does not. It is possible for a marriage to survive and thrive after an affair but it takes a lot of hard work from both husband and wife who must also both be fully committed to this process. The old marriage is dead and a new marriage together is needed for long term success. An affair is the end. And if a BS decides to stay no new marriage is "born." It's still the same marriage, same marriage license.
Steen719 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Wow, Peggy! Did you know that unless you destroy a hard drive, information can be gotten off of it, no matter if you delete information or not (unless it is used enough to be written over). You have just admitted to this behavior online, which if you have any kind of ethics, must bother you some and also concern you as to what might happen to you legally. Seriously, stop doing what you are doing. I cannot see how you can make this marriage work for this reason alone....how can you live with doing this and not tell him and how could he live with knowing you did this if you did tell him? This is not even considering the affair; just the behavior after it. I know the pain of being betrayed, but you cannot do this anymore. Ever.
anne1707 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 An affair is the end. And if a BS decides to stay no new marriage is "born." It's still the same marriage, same marriage license. Might be the same marriage licence but if both people learn and grow then it is not the same marriage. OP - if you want this to work then you need to change. You need individual counselling to deal with your pain and anger and you and your huisband would probably both benefit from marriahe counselling to address any underlying problems in your marriage and to work through the aftermath of his affair and your subsequent treatment of him
whichwayisup Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 He has showed remorse a bunch of time and though I see he's trying hard, I continue punishing him by making him sick. I know he'll never find out about this but I'm starting to feel kind of bad. Is there a way I can stop this? Not sure if you're real or not, but if you are, honestly, you need counselling ASAP before you end up in jail by poisoning/killing your husband! Maybe you're one who cannot forgive and since that seems to be the case, the best thing you can do for BOTH OF YOU is to divorce.
alexandria35 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 My husband had a 6-months affair 3 years ago and I never really got over it. I was thinking of having kids with him until I discovered his affair through the phone bills and messages. What's very upsetting is he never told me himself, it was the OW that called me and explained almost everything we did. As a way of punishment I put laxative in his food every month and he becomes sick the next day with a stomach ache. Then I see is him running to the bathroom. I admit to laughing in silence and till this day he has no idea I'm doing this. Another occasion: His money got stolen when we had a reunion party. What he doesn't know is both me and one of my female friend spiked his drink. I gave all that money ($500) to her while he was laying there unconscious. He end up throwing up the next day, with a headache and couldn't remembered anything. Off course he has no idea I did this to him. I want to stop this as it's not helping and at times I do feel bad but another part of me says he deserves this. But it's like I've become someone I never was. I just want to be the same sane woman I once was before he emotionally (internally) destroyed me. This is very sick and you are a very disturbed person. Since I've never ever heard of a BS reacting to infidelity this way, I suspect that you have probably always been mentally disturbed, even before your husbands affair. Hopefully you will never have kids.
PhoenixRise Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Not sure if you're real or not, but if you are, honestly, you need counselling ASAP before you end up in jail by poisoning/killing your husband! Maybe you're one who cannot forgive and since that seems to be the case, the best thing you can do for BOTH OF YOU is to divorce. I am hoping this isn't real. But if it is you need to divorce your husband immediately. What you are doing is physically dangerous to him and emotionally dangerous to you. You can't forgive him and let it go. Just divorce him and get on with your life. I hope he figures out what you are doing.
John Michael Kane Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Might be the same marriage licence but if both people learn and grow then it is not the same marriage. OP - if you want this to work then you need to change. You need individual counselling to deal with your pain and anger and you and your huisband would probably both benefit from marriahe counselling to address any underlying problems in your marriage and to work through the aftermath of his affair and your subsequent treatment of him Doesn't matter still same marriage.
avenger Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Just divorce him. Stop with the practical jokes.... You had your little fun with it. Eventually he will catch on and probably leave anyways..... I think it is sad that you keep on pranking him. I can see you doing it in the beginning but now it looks like straight bitterness. Divorce is more revenge than pranking. I left a woman who kept lying to me. When I saw the semi hurt on her face when I walked was good enough for me.
StoneCold Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 (edited) Assault....grand theft......criminal negligence (we're on a roll here eh peggy?)....if th Crown is really good and you rub him/her the wrong way I can even see how they could try to make a case for attempted murder just to make things interesting. That will be a hard one to stick but if they are successful you will not just be screwed...you will be ROYALLY screwed. He may have cheated on you and for that you have grounds for divorce... but YOU are the dangerous criminal in this equation and for that the Crown can and should prosecute you to the full extent of the law which will mean you will have a criminal record (which can f*ck your life up) and there will be possible jail time. niiice...good look there sweetheart I think I am beginning to see why he may have cheated on you....you're a nut job. Edited July 3, 2011 by StoneCold
John Michael Kane Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 I don't agree. Yes it is a sign of deep trouble in the marriage, but many people recover and carry on with sometimes a stronger and better marriage. Nope. Sorry.
John Michael Kane Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Assault....grand theft......criminal negligence (we're on a roll here eh peggy?)....if th Crown is really good and you rub him/her the wrong way I can even see how they could try to make a case for attempted murder just to make things interesting. That will be a hard one to stick but if they are successful you will not just be screwed...you will be ROYALLY screwed. Those are all 3 different criminal categories. He may have cheated on you and for that you have grounds for divorce... but YOU are the dangerous criminal in this equation and for that the Crown can and should prosecute you to the full extent of the law which will mean you will have a criminal record (which can f*ck your life up) and there will be possible jail time. The same should go for him. niiice...good look there sweetheart The only reason why you're spouting off about it is because you're a cheater. I think I am beginning to see why he may have cheated on you....you're a nut job. Yea that makes sense. Even though you know nothing about her except for this, her abusing him is the reason why he cheated, even though he cheated because he's a selfish POS. If he knew she was a nut job then why not divorce her.
anne1707 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Nope. Sorry. So inspite of several posters on LS who have successfully and happily reconciled with their spouses after infidelity, you insist it is not possible. There is actual evidence that completely contradicts your viewpoint yet you choose to deny it. Why is that? What makes you think you know what is going on in my marriage as an example better than I do myself?
rafallus Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 So inspite of several posters on LS who have successfully and happily reconciled with their spouses after infidelity, you insist it is not possible. There is actual evidence that completely contradicts your viewpoint yet you choose to deny it. Why is that? What makes you think you know what is going on in my marriage as an example better than I do myself? Bolded words are relative. Interpretation may vary from person to person.
John Michael Kane Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 So inspite of several posters on LS who have successfully and happily reconciled with their spouses after infidelity, you insist it is not possible. Yup. There is actual evidence that completely contradicts your viewpoint yet you choose to deny it. Why is that? Show me. What makes you think you know what is going on in my marriage as an example better than I do myself? I know because both of you are cheaters and one of you had an affair for 3 whole years. That doesn't indicate a strong marriage. I wasn't specifically referring to you but since you asked,^
Woggle Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 I very much understand why you are angry but stop this before you end up really hurting him and catching some charges. If you want to really get back at him go out and have fun without even considering him. Make him beg on his hands and knees for you to come back. Doing this just makes you look crazy even if you are the victim.
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