pytanie Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 After 22 months my boyfriend has decided that we need to take a break. It's gotten to a point that we both feel like (because of exterior circumstances) he is becoming emotionally detached and taking me for granted. A couple of this that have led to this detachment are the deaths of two of his dogs whom he's grown up with (one was 14, the other 16) at the beginning of the year, his "brother" K making a stupid decision to run off and join the army (I say "stupid" because K thought it would be "fun" and joined up on a whim and by the time he saw the error of his ways it was too late), and his parents getting a divorce. I barely get to see him once a week as is (and it's always me that pushes to see him) and just yesterday his "brother" surprised him by coming home on leave from the army to see him. I was overjoyed but in a way it was a catalyst to the break..I felt like he wouldn't give up even half or one day with his brother for me and when I told him of my feelings his "solution" was to take a break so he could both spend time with K and experience what it'd be like not to have me. We've talked about taking a break before (because he doesn't feel like he can improve knowing that he has me) but last night it was sort of sprung on me more than anything...and since then he hasn't said a word to me. Two of his friends offered advice and concern which has been helping me quite a bit.. They both are of the opinion that I should leave him alone for a few days so he can get his head on straight and are ABSOLUTELY convinced that he will come back to me. One of them (his other best friend) even said that he sees a strong connection between us that shouldn't have to end. I know I should lay off talking to him for a few days but I'm so afraid that if I do he'll forget me and leave for good. How many days should I go without contacting him? His "brother" goes back to his base on Tuesday so should I try talking to him then? It's so confusing.... Sorry for the ranting...I just really don't know what to do.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 if this is a "break" as you call it, first get the details of the break with him. ask him how long? set an actual date where the break ends ask him if seeing other people is okay or not (just make sure it doesn't sound like you want to) ask how much, if any, contact will be made by either of you. Personally, I don't think breaks work. BUT one of my best friends took breaks with is girlfriend quite frequently before they got married and they are one of the tightest couples I have ever seen.
Author pytanie Posted July 3, 2011 Author Posted July 3, 2011 if this is a "break" as you call it, first get the details of the break with him. ask him how long? set an actual date where the break ends ask him if seeing other people is okay or not (just make sure it doesn't sound like you want to) ask how much, if any, contact will be made by either of you. Personally, I don't think breaks work. BUT one of my best friends took breaks with is girlfriend quite frequently before they got married and they are one of the tightest couples I have ever seen. I talked to him last night after 26 hours no contact and asked How much contact during the break and he answered "not sure how long. We are broken up right now, i need to let it. Sit in my stomach". He used the phrase "broken up" one more time before I asked him to use "break" instead. He said "well we are" but didn't say that phrase again. At first when he said that it broke my heart but thinking back to that and something else he said before that "how many guys have you talked to since we broke up? I bet a ton ^^" I think maybe that's his way of hurting himself into being better? Because he knows that I still feel the connection we felt when we first met and that I wouldn't date other guys and chance losing it. What do you think?and should I go through one of his friends and set a milemarker/checkpoint since i said i wouldn't talk again for a few days?
thelovingkind Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 It sounds like he wants out, I'm sorry to say But you need to lock this down now for your own peace of mind. Do not let him float away into NC while you're strung out and distressed not knowing exactly where things are at. Don't bother going through his friends, etc. Just go back to him and get the answer you need, now. I can't emphasise that enough. If you don't you will be in for a miserable, miserable time in the weeks to come.
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