lemonlegs Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Is that not a good enough reason to break up with someone? I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago and though we still talk, he's hoping I'll change my mind and though I've had conflicting thoughts all week... this feeling is still very much nagging at my head and my heart. ....
andyg99 Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Is that not a good enough reason to break up with someone? I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago and though we still talk, he's hoping I'll change my mind and though I've had conflicting thoughts all week... this feeling is still very much nagging at my head and my heart. .... if being single is what you really want then you did the right thing... keeping in contact with him is a mistake though, as long as you were honest and let him know you just want to be alone then you two have nothing left to talk about...
Kilty Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Nah it's not really being totally honest is it. You want to be single and lead a single life exploring the possibilities with someone new down the line as clearly the relationship you are in is not what you are looking for. Whether it's because you are too young and want to live life a bit or whatever thats ok But clearly you dont "feel that way" about the person you are with if you want to be single - otherwise why would you want that. Think its time to be honest with the guy so there is no confusion - unless you want him to be hanging around hoping you are going to change your mind and realise that you love him
california15 Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 I'm sorry your relationship ended. for your sake and his, make a decision and stick to it. Nothing's worse than flip-flopping on the end of a relationship, especially if you're on the receiving end because all the hope is holding them back from moving on. Its not easy to end a relationship by any means. If you do decide its over, don't talk to him anymore and go NC. Let him heal and move on and realize there is no hope. In going NC you can heal too and move on properly. He will always cling to hope if you're still in his life right after the breakup, especially if he knows you're flip-flopping on this. If you end a relationship you can't have your cake and eat it too by having the ex in your life as a friend when they clearly still have feelings. Its too hard on the dumpee (unless you have the rare relationship where being friends immediately after the break up is doable for the dumpee). Stop talking to him. It lets both of you heal and move on properly.
Geya Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 No it's not, when you're with someone you truly love being in a relationship with them is far better than being single and you'll do anything tobe with them cuz then you're happy, if you prefer being single than being with this guy that says alot about your feelings.. However you must know that there are benefits in both situations (being single and in a relationship) and when you shift to being single you MIGHT miss the benefits of the relationship
california15 Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 and I meant to say no its not wrong to be single. Don't feel guilty for wanting that. I'm just advocating a decision and to go NC to help so you and your ex can move on properly without him bothering you because he has hope since you still talk.
Net Jedi Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 No it isn't wrong, but it can be confusing. I think one thing that would make it more clear is why you want to be single. Do you not want to have a responsibility to someone else? Do you think you can find a better situation? etc. etc. I think that regardless of the reason be clear and consitant with whatever point you want to get across.
Kilty Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Instead of saying you want to be single - you say i love you but im not "in love with you" That is more likely to be the truth And if the guy has any balls he will move on with someone else
emby Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Is that not a good enough reason to break up with someone? I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago and though we still talk, he's hoping I'll change my mind and though I've had conflicting thoughts all week... this feeling is still very much nagging at my head and my heart. .... Why is it that you want to be single? Is it the reduced commitment, more free time and things like that or just so that you can see other people? I think my bf broke up with me for the former reason. It's not about 'a good enough reason'. You should just follow your heart. Don't forget that there are lots of good things about being in a relationship and (I've been told) there are lots of good things about being single too. I can't help thinking though that if you loved your ex, you wouldn't even be thinking about wanting to be single.
Author lemonlegs Posted July 2, 2011 Author Posted July 2, 2011 Thanks everyone. I feel like a bad person because my boyfriend was an amazing boyfriend... he treated me like a princess, he told me he wanted to be with me forever, he has a good job, etc. But at the same time, I don't know why I would be having these thoughts after a year if I thought that it was so wonderful. He was, without question, my best friend. SO maybe you're all right.... I just don't have those same romantic feelings for him. Sucks that I have to give up my best friend though... and break such an amazing person's heart. I'm supposed to see him tomorrow to let him know officially how I feel. I am horribly afraid I will regret it down the road. EDIT: And yes, it's all those reasons. I'm only 19 and I feel like with school and work, I'm bound to meet so many other people. My ex is probably a little more upset because he has a full-time job where he's surrounded my men and meeting women is so much harder.
andyg99 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Thanks everyone. I feel like a bad person because my boyfriend was an amazing boyfriend... he treated me like a princess, he told me he wanted to be with me forever, he has a good job, etc. But at the same time, I don't know why I would be having these thoughts after a year if I thought that it was so wonderful. He was, without question, my best friend. SO maybe you're all right.... I just don't have those same romantic feelings for him. Sucks that I have to give up my best friend though... and break such an amazing person's heart. I'm supposed to see him tomorrow to let him know officially how I feel. I am horribly afraid I will regret it down the road. EDIT: And yes, it's all those reasons. I'm only 19 and I feel like with school and work, I'm bound to meet so many other people. My ex is probably a little more upset because he has a full-time job where he's surrounded my men and meeting women is so much harder. some may say why give up on such a great guy? but you know what? at least you are being honest about it... at 19 you are showing more maturity than someone twice your age... let him know it's over and let him go, not contacting him no matter how much he reaches out to you is the way to go... good luck!
carhill Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 So, it's not so much that you want to be single as it is you don't have romantic feelings for your boyfriend. Romance is an elusive master. I wish you success in your singledom. Stop torturing your 'best friend' and leave him alone to heal. EOS.
Author lemonlegs Posted July 3, 2011 Author Posted July 3, 2011 So, it's not so much that you want to be single as it is you don't have romantic feelings for your boyfriend. Romance is an elusive master. I wish you success in your singledom. Stop torturing your 'best friend' and leave him alone to heal. EOS. I honestly feel like it's more that I want to be single. I enjoyed having sex with him, and liked kissing and hugging him. I'm just trying to figure out WHY I don't want to be with him... as cliche as this sounds, maybe it really is me....
carhill Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 (edited) I just don't have those same romantic feelings for him.So you liked having sex with him and hugging him, etc, etc, but you 'just don't have those same romantic feelings for him' Describe 'just don't have those *same*' feelings. I think it's perfectly healthy to end a relationship if you don't care for the person anymore or are not attracted to the person anymore. Sounds like you still have both aspects, hence he's your 'best friend' and you 'like having sex with him'. How about this: 'I love you, find you attractive and you're my best friend; I want to see what else is out there, to be single. I'm young and want to experience the variety of male companionship. Good luck in your pursuits.' ETA, IMO if one is to desire wanderlust whilst in a healthy relationship, it's far better to do it young and unmarried. Older and married and with kids it gets incredibly complex. Get it out of your system now. Edited July 3, 2011 by carhill
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 I don't think I'll ever understand the people that want to experience a variety of people, I'm only 20 but isn't that called a slut?
Net Jedi Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 I don't think she is a slut necessarily. It seems like she doesn't want to limit her options in dating a variety of people, not just sleeping with a variety of people.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 good point, although now I guess the big question is "how do you know when you've found the right person?" lol
Sugarkane Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 I don't think I'll ever understand the people that want to experience a variety of people, I'm only 20 but isn't that called a slut? I completely agree means that they want to sleep around.
AlisaMarie Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Sometimes it's not just about "sleeping around." At 19 you have things to experience and it's not always about getting laid! I love her honesty with herself and boyfriend! Sometimes you really just need to see what's out there... at any age. She has a great man in her life, but something is not being fulfilled. You may end up back with him if you find that getting out there and on your own single isn't that great... or it might be and you're setting yourself up for a different life with someone new in the future... who knows! But enjoy your journey, we only get one shot so no regrets!
kingofhearts Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 I don't think I'll ever understand the people that want to experience a variety of people, I'm only 20 but isn't that called a slut? LMAO!! oh, man..... Phoenix we're only suppose to think it, not say it. lol. Na JK. He was just stating what has come across all of our minds. In very simple terms, yes, that fits the description. On the other hand, I feel like my ex needed to experience more. I wouldn't think of her as a slut, but like it was mentioned, it's about more than just sleeping around, you get a chance to experience different nuances with those people to judge and compare what you liked and didn't like. This would help them to become more sure of what they want. Let's be honest, we all like choices. You wouldn't know if the color red was your favorite, if the others didn't exist.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 LMAO!! oh, man..... Phoenix we're only suppose to think it, not say it. lol. Na JK. He was just stating what has come across all of our minds. In very simple terms, yes, that fits the description. On the other hand, I feel like my ex needed to experience more. I wouldn't think of her as a slut, but like it was mentioned, it's about more than just sleeping around, you get a chance to experience different nuances with those people to judge and compare what you liked and didn't like. This would help them to become more sure of what they want. Let's be honest, we all like choices. You wouldn't know if the color red was your favorite, if the others didn't exist. .... yeah I can understand wanting more experiences, Just don't see why a person would want to "experience" another person when they have a very good one (one that they can't come up with any excuses as to why they are bad). If you can't come up with a reason why the color red isn't your favorite, why would you want to consider the other colors? Sometimes it's not just about "sleeping around." At 19 you have things to experience and it's not always about getting laid! I love her honesty with herself and boyfriend! Sometimes you really just need to see what's out there... at any age. She has a great man in her life, but something is not being fulfilled. You may end up back with him if you find that getting out there and on your own single isn't that great... or it might be and you're setting yourself up for a different life with someone new in the future... who knows! But enjoy your journey, we only get one shot so no regrets! Wouldn't say that she could end up back with him... he may not want another relationship with someone that dumped him in the past. How many people have you dated that you never slept with because you were "experiencing life"? answer honestly to yourself. Wow... This poor girl has G.I.G.S. and instead of people wanting to get to the bottom of why she feels they way she does... People have resorted to calling her a slut and assume she is dumping her boyfriend so she can celebrate July 4th by getting gangbanged by her college drama team. I guess I am the only one on here that has slept with people that I am dating and everyone else on here has swore of sleeping with anyone else other than their Ex or until they are married to someone else. Get a clue people! The OP should not be the object of your anger and frustration! Okay, my intention wasn't to label the OP as a slut, I'm not angry or frustrated with anything. I have just seen a lot of posts with the "I want to experience other people" vibe and wanted to know exactly what is going through the dumpers mind when they leave someone for this reason.
Author lemonlegs Posted July 3, 2011 Author Posted July 3, 2011 (edited) OP, is this the boyfriend? Yes, it's the same guy...when I was breaking up with him, he told me that he thought that girl had cheated on him, something he failed to mention at that time... Thank you to everyone who defended me. No, I am not a slut... I am only 19 years old, I feel like I have many people to meet in my life. I've read a lot of the people who called me a 'slut''s posts... and they seem to be bitter about the fact that their girlfriends have dumped them under similar circumstances. I don't want to start any arguments here, but you should try to understand both perspectives before jumping to conclusions about other people. I'm not even 20.... think about that....my sole interest isn't in banging other guys... Edited July 3, 2011 by lemonlegs
carhill Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Yes, it's the same guy...when I was breaking up with him, he told me that he thought that girl had cheated on him, something he failed to mention at that time... OK, over a year with someone at your age is an eternity. Unless something marked has changed, I'll leave my advice as per that prior thread and add nothing. Sometimes it's just time to go. Good luck
kingofhearts Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 It's not so much that you want to be single, it's more that you don't want to be with your current boyfriend. Yep. That's it. Simply put. .... yeah I can understand wanting more experiences, Just don't see why a person would want to "experience" another person when they have a very good one (one that they can't come up with any excuses as to why they are bad). If you can't come up with a reason why the color red isn't your favorite, why would you want to consider the other colors? Hate to pull this card, but You kind of sound like me, when I was your age, phoenix. Up until my last ex, I had zero tolerance for my gf's messing around with other people. I just had a thing with rejection. I didn't want to see that person again if they thought they could do better than me. I think my current ex would be the first and only one I'd ever take back. We had a deep love and friendship and if she banged 3 guys over the next month and came back to say she's done, it was a mistake and I'm ready.... her being ready would be all that mattered to me. Point is.... I really have matured on my views since. My jealousy, pride, and insecurities faded over time. I feel like I become more responsible and considerate for everyone's happiness, instead of just my own. BTW, Lemonlegs is being very mature and honest and I applaud it as well. It would've made my life easier too at a point.
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