Tenacity Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 For those who don't remember here is my sordid story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t284585/ I have received 3 emails in the last 2 days from MM. The first one (yesterday) was just a friendly "how are you"? When I did not reply to that, he sent two more (one this morning, and one just now) and he is getting increasingly annoyed. His stance on our ending the "friendship" is that it's ridiculous and as two adults we should be able to maintain a friendship. He ignored my initial explanation (when I started NC over 2 months ago) that given the destruction of the relationship that HE chose to inflict, I have no desire to maintain a friendship as there is no point. I even stated that I thought his W would prefer we not be in communication at all, even platonically. (I received no comment on that). In his last email to me just now, he said something to the effect that he did not see why he needed to heed to my "ridiculous demands" that we not maintain communication. Wow. Controlling, much?
wheelwright Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 For those who don't remember here is my sordid story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t284585/ I have received 3 emails in the last 2 days from MM. The first one (yesterday) was just a friendly "how are you"? When I did not reply to that, he sent two more (one this morning, and one just now) and he is getting increasingly annoyed. His stance on our ending the "friendship" is that it's ridiculous and as two adults we should be able to maintain a friendship. He ignored my initial explanation (when I started NC over 2 months ago) that given the destruction of the relationship that HE chose to inflict, I have no desire to maintain a friendship as there is no point. I even stated that I thought his W would prefer we not be in communication at all, even platonically. (I received no comment on that). In his last email to me just now, he said something to the effect that he did not see why he needed to heed to my "ridiculous demands" that we not maintain communication. Wow. Controlling, much? I guess at this point, all the overt contact and decisions are a kind of drama. If you are not actually doing it, or doing some kind of compromise, then it's only drama. Look to your heart now. The rest is superfluous.
MissBee Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 (edited) For those who don't remember here is my sordid story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t284585/ I have received 3 emails in the last 2 days from MM. The first one (yesterday) was just a friendly "how are you"? When I did not reply to that, he sent two more (one this morning, and one just now) and he is getting increasingly annoyed. His stance on our ending the "friendship" is that it's ridiculous and as two adults we should be able to maintain a friendship. He ignored my initial explanation (when I started NC over 2 months ago) that given the destruction of the relationship that HE chose to inflict, I have no desire to maintain a friendship as there is no point. I even stated that I thought his W would prefer we not be in communication at all, even platonically. (I received no comment on that). In his last email to me just now, he said something to the effect that he did not see why he needed to heed to my "ridiculous demands" that we not maintain communication. Wow. Controlling, much? LOL! How ridiculous... But sometimes it's nice to sit back and watch and allow people's true colors and motivations to shine through. I very much believe in giving people enough rope to hang themselves so that you can see what's REALLY going on, without interference from you. You saw for yourself that it's all about him and what he wants and when he wants it...therefore have every evidence that you can continue to ignore him, as this so called "friendship" he is pushing for, has very little to do with genuine friendship and mutual interests. NEXT! Edited July 2, 2011 by MissBee
Author Tenacity Posted July 2, 2011 Author Posted July 2, 2011 Thanks all. Yes, it is drama. I have blocked him from my phone and changed my personal email accounts, but because we work together in a consulting arrangement, I can't block him from one avenue of contact, and he knows it. LOL! How ridiculous... But sometimes it's nice to sit back and watch and allow people's true colors and motivations to shine through. I very much believe in giving people enough rope to hang themselves so that you can see what's REALLY going on, without interference from you. You saw for yourself that it's all about him and what he wants and when he wants it...therefore have every evidence that you can continue to ignore him, as this so called "friendship" he is pushing for, has very little to do with genuine friendship and mutual interests. NEXT! Thanks MissBee. It is nice to be able to sit back and see more proof that this has always been about HIM and only him. I simply can't believe that anyone would try to guilt or coerce me into being a 'friend'. He wants to maintain communication so that he can continue to string me along, just in case.
Gentlegirl Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Hi Tenacity NC means just that. Do not read texts emails or have communication of any kind. When you read them, you are immediately engaged in dialogue with him Do you really care if he's controlling or irritated? So what! You don't want any contact so don't do it. Control thos little fingers and make them delete before you read! Easy to say I know but it works like magic. Have a great weekend, Gentle girl.
MissBee Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Thanks all. Yes, it is drama. I have blocked him from my phone and changed my personal email accounts, but because we work together in a consulting arrangement, I can't block him from one avenue of contact, and he knows it. Thanks MissBee. It is nice to be able to sit back and see more proof that this has always been about HIM and only him. I simply can't believe that anyone would try to guilt or coerce me into being a 'friend'. He wants to maintain communication so that he can continue to string me along, just in case. Ditto...too bad for him, you've caught on! Now he's pissy that you don't want to play and have taken away his toys...poor thing...next.
whichwayisup Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 You tell him if he emails you again on the work email account you'll forward it to his 1)his wife and 2)to your boss. Or, just delete his emails, don't bothering reading them as curious as you might be to know what it's about it, put it straight to the trash can. That way you are still in NC mode with him as much as possible.
fooled once Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 For those who don't remember here is my sordid story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t284585/ I have received 3 emails in the last 2 days from MM. The first one (yesterday) was just a friendly "how are you"? When I did not reply to that, he sent two more (one this morning, and one just now) and he is getting increasingly annoyed. His stance on our ending the "friendship" is that it's ridiculous and as two adults we should be able to maintain a friendship. He ignored my initial explanation (when I started NC over 2 months ago) that given the destruction of the relationship that HE chose to inflict, I have no desire to maintain a friendship as there is no point. I even stated that I thought his W would prefer we not be in communication at all, even platonically. (I received no comment on that). In his last email to me just now, he said something to the effect that he did not see why he needed to heed to my "ridiculous demands" that we not maintain communication. Wow. Controlling, much? Oh how he hates that you refuse to acknowlegde him he is going to keep this crap up. How selfish and self centered he is. Please stay strong Hun. I know you probably want to tear him a new hole, but your silence is driving him insane You have come so far and I am so proud of you! If he continues, maybe forward the email to his wife and ask her to please talk to him and let him know you have no desire to be friends with him
Silly_Girl Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 NC means just that. Do not read texts emails or have communication of any kind. When you read them, you are immediately engaged in dialogue with him So true. Many convince themselves that they are NC, when they're not but are fulfilling some need or other. NC is what leads to indifference. best to not read....
anne1707 Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 So true. Many convince themselves that they are NC, when they're not but are fulfilling some need or other. NC is what leads to indifference. best to not read.... Agreed. When the ex-OM and I split but carried on working together, whilst nothing was said by me I let him get to me with his looks and comments. I remember when I chose to stop reacting i.e. proper NC (as much as you can in a work situation) - amazing how that made him back off It also made a huge difference to my personal recovery from all the mess and allowed me to get on with my life in the way I wanted. I gained control again
janden Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 It is all about HIM. It is all about CONTROL. It is all about his EGO. During my previous endings, I was usually the one who broke NC - trying to get closure and leave on a civil note. I always got ignored and then (stupidly) went back when HE broke NC. This time I am in control. I never thought I would make it to 3 mos. It is hard - there is no denying. At the 2 month mark, I was left a note with permission to call him!!! There are times I think I'm going to have to cut my fingers off to keep from calling - mostly because I want to lay into him. And at times I have (stupidly) felt bad for ignoring him! That feeling is fading, thank goodness. And he hasn't fished since - I'm sure it knocked his huge ego down a few notches to be ignored especially since I am sure he would have bet his last dollar that I would come running like I did before. But eventually we see the light, don't we? Eventually enough really is enough. NC really does make you feel like you have some control back especially since for many of us we didn't have any control in our A's. And if we did, we lost it somewhere along the way. I hated doing it this way - I always maintained I wanted a civil ending, with as little pain and drama as could be mustered in this type of situation. Instead I got the complete opposite. It has to be very difficult when you still have to maintain business contact, but I would make it very clear what your boundaries are regarding that and let him know if he oversteps there will be consequences. This is all about YOU now and doing what you have to to heal. You're moving forward - just stay on this path.
TurningTables Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Tenacity:::Hugs:::: You know the stupid move I made the other day! Dont reply! Dont read them! Delete! Delete! Stay strong. And like MissBee said: NEXT!!!!! ( In the words of Elaine from Seinfeld) Your days are numbered soup nazi! No more soup for you!!!
chalkfarm Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 For those who don't remember here is my sordid story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t284585/ I have received 3 emails in the last 2 days from MM. The first one (yesterday) was just a friendly "how are you"? When I did not reply to that, he sent two more (one this morning, and one just now) and he is getting increasingly annoyed. His stance on our ending the "friendship" is that it's ridiculous and as two adults we should be able to maintain a friendship. He ignored my initial explanation (when I started NC over 2 months ago) that given the destruction of the relationship that HE chose to inflict, I have no desire to maintain a friendship as there is no point. I even stated that I thought his W would prefer we not be in communication at all, even platonically. (I received no comment on that). In his last email to me just now, he said something to the effect that he did not see why he needed to heed to my "ridiculous demands" that we not maintain communication. Wow. Controlling, much? I know this sounds cliche but - now you have the power (or at least significantly more than you felt awhile ago). That can be a really big thing when you are working to heal. Feeling a little strength can be mighty!
Author Tenacity Posted July 3, 2011 Author Posted July 3, 2011 Thank you so much, you guys. You really have no idea how much your words and support have helped. Why would you do this for a virtual stranger? I am humbled. You really have saved me.
jwi71 Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Actually, I'd even one-up WWIU. Reply and tell him if he contacts you again, you'll hand it all to the police along with his home address where he can explain his cyber-stalking to the detectives IN FRONT of his W. And if he doesn't stop - do it. However, a pair of detectives investigating why he is stalking and harassing you should do it.
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