blahdeeblah Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 hello.....i'm not sure if anyone can relate to my problem, but here goes... i'm VERY passionate about design. i love fixing up old furniture, rearranging things, doing/adding new things to my space, and have envisioned what my house will look like from the time that i was little. i didn't have a lot growing up and lived in a home that really impacted how i felt in a negative way. my surroundings are VERY important to me and being able to express myself in my surroundings is very important. maybe that is terribly weird, but it's who i am. i graduated recently and am living with my boyfriend while i try to find work. i have not yet lived in a place where i can freely be creative and decorate as i want and my boyfriend does not share my passion. he doesn't like change. he doesn't like anything that is too "out there" and that, for him, seems to be most of my taste/ideas in general. he is very controlling (other people see this and he has admitted to this in the past). he recognizes that it's important to me, but still can't allow me to freely decorate a house that we share together. he says it is a "shared space" and my passion "affects other people". he acknowledges that he doesn't care "as much" as i care, but that he cares "enough" that he can't allow me to just do whatever i want in a space. he says he has no problem compromising and agreeing to things mutually, but our tastes are typically SO different, i'm terrified i will basically be always asking for permission to do/change/add something to our home and will always be told no. especially when it comes to changing something -- i thrive on change, he hates it. he also claims it would be "our place", but has outright said on multiple occasions that if he's paying more than half for a place, it's HIS place. this terrifies me b/c he will definitely be making A LOT more money than i will ever make....so the house will always be "his". and, as i mentioned, he has a controlling personality and can be very anal about certain things -- i'm scared i will forever feel like i'm living in someone else's house. also, he is very passionate about golf and needs to play A LOT in order to be happy. that is HIS passion, design is MY passion. i have tried appealing to him by telling him that being creative in my home is what i NEED to be happy, just as he NEEDS golf, but he just keeps telling me that it's not the same thing b/c, when he plays golf, it only affects him....how i decorate "affects other people". my point is ONLY that we are equally as passionate about those things, but he doesn't seem to get it. his focus is on the details, my focus is on the effect. i don't feel understood at all, and i'm left questioning myself....am i being too uncompromising? or am entitled to having something i'm passionate about (even if it affects others)? am i just with the wrong person? or do i just have the wrong attitude to be in a relationship and share a space with another person? i just keep coming back to the thought that other designers wouldn't allow themselves to be in situations where their creative vision is restricted in their own home. if you're with someone who can't be affected by what you're passionate about, then isn't that basically the same as NOT being accepted for WHO YOU ARE? i am so confused.....if anyone can relate or provide some sort of perspective, i would really appreciate it.
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