A question for LS, mainly because I'm just curious, not looking for a d v i c e

[california15]

I've been back and forth but I'm just going to ask anyways.

 

I've been reading the threads pretty regularily and that combined with my own reflection post-break up I'm just curious:

 

Would you get back together with an ex after they slept with someone else and then came back to you to work things out?

 

I'm not contemplating this, as my previous relationship is 100% over regardless. I have been there, done that with another ex and it was awful. I know for future relationships I could not be with someone after they banged someone else.

 

That being said, my current ex is living with his new girl, so we all know whats happened THERE. I could not ever be with him again - and am using that as current fuel to maintain NC and move on without looking back.

Maybe some of you are too...?

 

Irregardless of how many replies this gets, just remember you are no one's backup plan.

 

Love and respect yourself first.

 

.

Edited July 2, 2011 by california15

[california15]

bump since i edited it now and put my question

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

I wouldn't take an ex back if they slept with someone relatively quickly after the break up. But maybe years down the road after you have had time to really explore what is out there and then your ex comes back. I guess I'm into equal opportunity .

 

 

so shortly after breakup: NO

 

 

Years down the road: MAYBE, leaning more towards no but feelings could change after that period of time.

[california15]

haha equal opportunity I like that. do you think that maybe years down the road you'd care less and be over them and that you couldn't do it immediately because you'd still love them?

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

yeah I'm thinking that both people would have to be completely over each other and will have to fall in love with each other all over again for it to work. kind of like starting a relationship with a new person. But the real obstacle would be if both people can let the past be the past and not let past issues arise in the new relationship.

[california15]

thats true. I agree on the completely over each other/ fall in love over again thing. That one past ex I was with all I could think about was how he was probably comparing me to his other girls and I couldn't enjoy it or really get into it - and I wasn't over him in the first place, so I cared WAY too much.

 

spot on with the letting the past be the past. I obviously couldn't at that time and it never worked.

[carhill]

Would you get back together with an ex after they slept with someone else and then came back to you to work things out?

TBH, no matter what transpired, I'd always have the nagging suspicion that it was just another mind-fµck so I guess I'd say 'no'. Regarding the dickinsider part, I don't really care about that stuff. People can fµck who they want.

[kingofhearts]

I used to be gung ho "NO", but It really would depend on how much I valued that person, how things played out, etc. Phoenix has a point tho... Over time, sometimes you stop caring about who that person has been with and everything is like you first met. To me, It's more about the value of connection and the person than the miles on the sex.

 

I talk to my gf's about the people the've banged in the past. Doesn't bother me. Shortly after the break up is a little rough. One of my ex's did this and tried to come back. Hell to tha NAW. We already didn't get along in the first place!.....smh....lol

[nana841121]

My ex had sex with his college student (he is a college teacher) after our breakup. they are now together, but ex kept contacting me every once in a while.

at first, i can't figure out what he wanted from me.

some residule feeling? who cares?

now, i am relived that i don't care about what is on his mind.

he is a mess.

[thelovingkind]

yeah I'm thinking that both people would have to be completely over each other and will have to fall in love with each other all over again for it to work. kind of like starting a relationship with a new person. But the real obstacle would be if both people can let the past be the past and not let past issues arise in the new relationship.

 

That kinda happened with my dad and my step mum. They first went out in university (ages 24/19 kinda thing) and then broke up, went off and married other people (my dad married my mum obviously) and then after mutual divorces they got back together in their 50s and will probably be together 'til death do them part.

 

I actually find the whole idea kind of sweet. I've always wanted to grow old with someone I have memories of being young, crazy and naive with (rather than finding a "safe" partner in my 30s or 40s) but as much as I want to meet a life partner in my 20s, I know the odds are kind of slim. However, reconnecting with someone I was with in my 20s a couple decades down the track is more feasible, and it would be kind of lovely to be able to grow old with someone and be able to still have those memories.

[samm84]

I hadn't been respected for a long time.

 

Soon after my break up I gained hope that she would come to her senses. I was even weighing up the fact that she might respect me more if she slept around and saw that the grass wasn't greener. I felt like I had to let her go in order to better our relationship, because there was nothing left to save.

 

I had a really horrible dream last night, in which I found out that she was sleeping with another man. I woke up feeling that I could never be friends with her when that time does come around.

 

I went to sleep last night with a really level head. It upset me a hell of a lot more than I thought it would.