He broke up with me, after such a strong relationship. I want him back.

[cherrygoespop]

Hello,

 

I am a brand new member to loveshack.org, my name is Cherry.

 

I am currently seeking advice on my very recent break up with my long term boyfriend, I want him to come back to me.

 

We met over 2 and a half years ago, we had a very happy relationship, had so many things in common it was uncanny. I was accepted gracefully into his family, and him into mine. We had mutual friends too. He really was/is the love of my life, we always spoke about our future together.

 

One of the years together was long-distance because he had to travel for a year with his job, which I accepted, we stayed strong together and contacted each other almost everyday via Skype. I waited for him that year, and it was a very hard year - I helped his mom through it too. (His only parent)

 

He came back in December. It was amazing having him back, being able to cuddle him and see him face to face instead of a computer screen.

 

I admit it was a little hard for us to get used to each others company after such a long time apart, but it was nice.

 

However, we started having a few arguements, nothing major - but we talked about the things we had problems with, and agreed to fix them.

 

He fixed his. But I guess I didn't fix mine because I was so comfortable in our relationship that I thought we were strong and for keeps. I got lazy in our relationship (I am taking full responsibility for the problems on my behalf and recognise them) therefore I guess I took our relationship for granted and it slipped, and the spark fizzled out a bit..or quite a bit so it now seems.

 

Anyway, he took me to Greece 2 weeks ago, it was a beautiful country and we both enjoyed ourselves, I have some beautiful photographs, some of the best of us.

 

He paid, because I couldnt afford it, and he has a great job - he also offered. I always feel bad when he pays for things, but take note I have never ever asked him for things.

 

So when we got back from holiday, I thought to show how grateful I was I would cook for him (he usually does the cooking), clean his kitchen, and buy the drinks when we went out. However that evening I felt something was wrong, so I asked him..and he sorta snapped at me, and it was the first time we went to bed on bad terms. Ever.

 

So I had to go home the next day to see my family.

 

Then saturday came... and I had a driving lesson, so he spent the morning with two of our friends (mainly his friends) and I met up with them in the afternoon.

 

I was quiet with him, because I was unhappy from the night he snapped.

I was also quiet on the Sunday. We got to my house - and I decided to talk to him and let him know why I was quiet with him....

 

..which is when he told me "I can't do this anymore".. I was so shocked. I never thought our relationship would end because it was so special. I broke down into a puddle of tears, and tried to explain I knew my mistakes and I would fix them and how I didnt realise how he was feeling.

 

He suggested a 3 month period to see how things go, and I broke down some more, and THEN...he COMFORTED ME! He held me, stroked my hair, held my hand, kissed my forehead/nose/lips and then he left...for some time to think.

 

Two days later, he finalised the break up via text as he didn't want me to convince him he had made the wrong decision. And hearing my voice and me hearing his would destroy us etc. And he wanted a clean cut break.

 

Since then he has not contacted me, he has spent almost everyday since with friends (to distract himself I feel)...and I have also not contacted him, as I'm trying the no contact rule to try and get him back, to give him some space to think, and some time to miss me.

 

I know a lot of people will say "It's over, get over it" - but we had something so special, and we didn't really end on bad terms, so my heart has hope...or atleast wants hope of getting him back.

 

Because I have recognised my faults in the relationship I know I could fix things, because I have realised where I went wrong (I've had a week of heartbreak to think about this)...

 

...any advice please?

 

P.s I would like to add, I am not trying to get him back because "I want what I cant have" - I truely love him with all of my heart.

Edited July 2, 2011 by cherrygoespop

[Green21]

Hi Cherry,

 

I can relate to your post as I feel exactly the same way. My ex-girlfriend recently broke up with me, almost out of the blue, after what I thought was the perfect relationship. Again, she told me that she wanted space and this wasn't the end, only to end things a few days later. In fact, if you look at other threads in this forum, a lot of people are suffering a similar experience. It's almost like there's something in the water.

 

Although it's a really hard thing to do, the best course of action (at least, the most likely thing you'll hear from here) that you can take right now is to give him the space he wants. Let him stew over the relationship for a bit and give him time to think things over; let him work out things for himself.

 

In the meantime, use the space as an opportunity to work on yourself for a bit. Go out there and do things you enjoy and like doing. Maybe even see a new hobby or challenge. Use the time to show you can be a better person without him. Later on, if you reconnect with him, he'll be able to see you as a happy person without necessarily needing him (which may be attractive to him). If not, then the time spent not contacting him will give you a chance to heal.

 

I know this is hard, and I feel exactly the same way about my own situation. I love my ex-girlfriend dearly, I'm realising the exact reasons why she left (which are similar to your own) and I do want her to come back. Every day, though, things get better; I'm enjoying my old activities and seeing old friends, and feeling much happier about it. Although I still desperately wish she'd pick up the phone and call me, I'm realising it's better to be patient and give her time and space rather than forcing the issue.

 

If it's meant to be, then good things will happen. Even if not, then you'll realise it's not the end of the world.

Edited July 2, 2011 by Green21