idontknow7 Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Where to start...I will be 23 later next month and my ex is 20. It has been about a year and a half since my ex and I went our separate ways. Before the breakup, we dated for a year and a half but we had a lot of trust issues on both sides and it eventually took a heavy emotional toll on us. In this year and a half since the breakup, she has had another relationship (it lasted 3 months) and is ALWAYS talking to other guys she is "interested" in and by all means, that is fine and she has every right to do so. I also was trying to meet some new girls but never found anyone worth my time and for the last couple months I have discarded meeting anyone new. The problem was that we never went more than a month without talking to each other during this time span. It was hard because we still both had strong feelings towards each other even when we were seeing other people. For the record, we did have physical contact, but not during her 3 month relationship. This last month, we have been talking more frequently, and she had told me a few times that she would really like to see me. I told her I wanted to see her too (it had been 6 months since we last saw each other). So a few days ago I invited her over to my house and we talked for hours. It was probably the best time I have had since the breakup. I have never felt more relaxed and comfortable around anyone else. Towards the end of the evening we talked more seriously about our feelings. We even cuddled and held hands briefly as we were deep in thought. Not trying to kiss her took all of my effort! She even admitted she was wanting to kiss me all night but we really thought it would be best not to. I told her I still have feelings toward her and she admitted the same towards me, but there is still some confusion and uncertainty between us. I sort of got the feeling she still wanted some more of the single life, while I'd rather not be single any longer. She said one thing that really stuck with me and that was that she thinks that one day we could possibly get married. She was dead serious when she said it. It's silly I know, but I feel the exact the same way (I just didn't tell her so). What I am about to say next may sound a little cheesy, but bare with me people of loveshack! We actually went to the same high school together, but never said a word to each other. However, we would always make eye contact in the hallways that seemed to last minutes but was only seconds in reality. Then a couple years later, she randomly added me on myspace and one look at her picture and I was overwhelmed with feelings I had yet to experience. That was when I decided to talk to her and this whole part of my life started. So far, I regret nothing. The point of this essay I have written is that I feel like we are meant to be, yet I am well aware of the reality that there is a chance it may not be true. She may find someone even cooler and more handsome than me during this time in her life . Maybe we are too young and too naive...who knows? A big part of me says wait for her, she will come around eventually, but another part of me says I shouldn't count on it and to keep looking for some new ladies. I came here looking for some thoughts, opinions and/or advice on this situation. Thanks.
Forever Learning Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 (edited) You only live once, seize the moment my friend! Go get your girl!! What are you waiting for? You don't want to live with regrets and 'what - ifs' the rest of your life. Remember, lots of people in previous generations got married and stayed married for life, when they were in their early 20's or younger. The biggie there is if both people are interested in getting married at that time in their life and if both people have their sh*t together psychologically (done sewing their oats, are generally mature, and have discussed the big issues like how to handle their money together and if and when they want children). Life is what you make it. Go make it! What's the worst that can happen? The worst that can happen is you don't pursue her and you spend your life wondering why you didn't. Don't worry about the other good looking guys she'll come across. You are the special one that she wants. Develop your self confidence (not arrogance though just self confidence) and you will be more attractive interesting and appealing than anything else she can find. Then you won't worry and the trust issues will diminish too. Read all you can on this board, especially the dating thread. Lots of insight into women and relationships. Good luck! Edited July 2, 2011 by Forever Learning
Author idontknow7 Posted July 3, 2011 Author Posted July 3, 2011 I appreciate the response Forever Learning. I just find it hard to be super confident when she is always talking to new guys or as she has told me before, "seeing someone" (supposedly she is seeing someone right now). That is another thing that bugs me, she always finds a way to bring up guys shes talking to whenever we haven't talked in a while and always questions what has been going on in my love life. I don't like sharing with her who I've been talking too and what I have done with them. I don't think it's any of her business at this point in time. I suppose I am just impatient. I want her now whereas she is unsure. I'm afraid of coming an annoyance if I push this too much, too fast.
Forever Learning Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 (edited) Well my last comment was meant to give you a shot of adrenaline, pump you up, put a foot in your ass and lurch you forward into action. Doesn't mean that it was the best strategy though. Just my idea at the time. Going with your gut instinct (also known as your 'intuition') on this situation is probably the best bet. I just didn't want you to hold back due to personal insecurities or lack of confidence in yourself. I think you are a gem and hope this girl will realize that too. And oh yes, your love life is NONE of her business. You should point blank tell her that. By digging for info she is trying to feel she has some control over you. Nope, she doesn't get that info. That is a form of a game unfortunately. One thing you might actually tell her, next time you two start having another deep converation and she brings up the other guys, is that you really don't want to hear about the other guys she is talking to or hanging out with or recently dated. Sometimes people are flaky about this stuff and will talk at great length about it unless they are told directly that you don't want to hear it. That will also shift you away from being her chatty Cathy 'friend' to strictly a man who wants a relationship with her, and not just some chit-chat pal. On the other hand, if you allow her to talk uninterrupted and without censorship about the other guys, you will learn alot more about where her head is at and what direction she is going right now in life. You will get more info if you let her spew all thats on her mind. I tend to think that in most situations the bottom line has to be honest communication. I don't like beating around the bush when it comes to expressing my feelings, that never got me that far. I guess it's sorta like a chess game, after taking some time to reflect, make a move either way and see how it plays out. Let her know how you feel and what you want. And set some boundaries for the whole situation. She can either enter back into a monogamous relationship with you, for the long term, or she can go out with others but let her know you won't be in the picture for that situation. Keep reading everything around here for a variety of advice, there is alot out there that's way better than mine lol. Good luck! Edited July 3, 2011 by Forever Learning
Author idontknow7 Posted July 3, 2011 Author Posted July 3, 2011 Haha, like I said, I really do appreciated what you have to say and it is great advice! Thanks for taking your time to help me out. I also believe honest communication is very important. As much as I want to go and spill my heart out to her, I feel like she already knows. I can just look her in the eyes and she knows it and vice versa. I know she cares a great deal about me and that is what makes this so much harder. Perhaps I still need to remind her how passionately I feel just one more time . I can only do so much to persuade her because ultimately, the decision is hers. She is the one that needs to figure out what she truly wants and I'm crossing my fingers its me.
Recommended Posts