Somebody, I would really like someone to explain this to me!

[I have no title]

Met a guy...started dating him, everything was fine...texts, calls, kisses and all that....a month goes by, I start noticing that things started cooling down from his side...no more texts, everytime we see each other he doesnt look interested...I ask him what is wrong, he says : sorry but, I cant commit to one girl for a long time - I get bored, and I lose my interest...My feelings cool down and I cant go on....well, I was ofcourse pissed off, but fair enough, I let him go...On the next day I started NC on him, which lasted for 2 weeks...2 weeks later, he texts me saying : sorry, I made a huge mistake, I miss you, and I am deeply sorry for all I have told you 2 weeks ago..I want you back, please let me know if you want me too...Well, I didnt really want to beleive that, and I didnt want to make the same mistakes again....but, I know myself that I have a difficult character, and I might have also pushed the things to cool down, so I have decided to give him one more chance, thinking that everyone can make mistakes and if he realized that he really needed me...I decided to try again...So we made out...another 2 months go by.....and guess what! the same story again...the first month was amaizing, with calls & texts and nights together, all beautiful...then, I started noticing the same s*it happening again...he doesnt look interested, he doesnt look like he's into it, he doesnt text....I bring up the topic again, and I hear the same damn thing : Im not interested, I really really meant it when I wanted you back and I really missed you....but i cant do anything about myself, I just get bored being with one person at some point, and I cant help it....its not that I completely dont care about you, but Im just bored again, Im sorry....Well, I had to let him go again.....This was enough for me of course....but now im just wondering....how can someone be in love and all that, and suddenly have his feelings cooling down just because of constantly being with the same person?? I dont even know now, how could his feelings go away again....and last time he told me that, he came back after 2 weeks of NC...so howcome his feelings were back after 2 weeks of NC and then dissapeared again...do you think he will ever come back again, or at least miss me? Im not going to go back with him, but Im just curious...We're in the same univ, so we see each other sometimes, but im just so confused and angry at the same time...somebody, I really need an insight on this...

[thelovingkind]

Games, games, games. He's attracted to you, and he kinda likes you (or more accurately, the attention you give him), but not enough to have a relationship with you. It may be an issue with him, in that he just wants to play around and try out new people (makes sense since he's at university) or he may just not be that into you. Often times, people say this sorta thing ("I really like you, but I'm not really looking for anything permanent right now") and then bam, next thing you know they're head over heels committed to someone. Either way it, doesn't matter, the important thing to know is that he's bad news for you if you're looking for something real, committed and lasting.

[shadowofman]

I completely understand his feelings. Especially if you were not having sex. I have done this on many, many occasions. Except I don't beg girls to have me back.

 

If I spend weeks or months talking to a girl in that capacity, I will be looking for sex. If that's not happening, I will divert my attentions elsewhere. All the while, I will still have feelings for her.

[I have no title]

But we had sex and he was the one wanting a r-ship with me...the thing is, that even in his past, he didnt have any long-lasting relationship and he always had that issue....stupid me beleived that he would change for me...But as soon as i start giving him all the attention and care, he gets bored and goes away....do you guys think he will come back?

He told me that its not that he doesnt care about me, its just that all the r-ship routine gets too boring for him, and he loses his interest...thats so stupid...of course I dont want a guy like this....and I didnt really fall for him cause I knew he might leave me....you guys think he will ever return or at least miss me?

[kingofhearts]

This is simple. He's not in love, he's infatuated. The only thing he is in love with is the adrenaline from a chase. Actually, the sooner you realize this, the sooner you could prolly have him in the palm of your hands.......

 

 

.... OMG you guys are letting ME give advice. Someone stop me.

[shadowofman]

^^^Prolly right. You have to get him to chase you. Keep his interest. But who knows this dude. Not us.

[Sugarkane]

I had an ex do the same thing. In the end I got so frustrated with his behaviour, it wasn't good enough. I told him why can't he just make up his mind? Then I went full NC.

[Dust]

He’s only in it for the honey moon phase. You were both predictably irrational. People who see an option closing even one they are no longer into will get back into it just to keep it open. You both for different reasons wanted this relationship to end but reopened it. He reopened it because he saw that you were going cold on him. You reopened it because you saw he was still open to the idea of a relationship and you didn’t want to close that door even though you should have.

 

There isn’t necessarily a way to spot a guy like this. Maybe he did give away clues I don’t know. You definitely should have known there was a good chance of him going back to his old ways the second time you got back with him. So you could have at least not wasted that time. Just try not to get jaded or let this effect you going forward other then not to give second chance to a guy who acts like this.

[azsinglegal]

^^ Agreed. For the most part, people don't change.

 

Loves the honeymoon phase, dislikes the actual relationship. Relationships take work, they're not easy. It's not that he's bored. I think it's that he's lazy and doesn't see enough value in you to make an effort.

 

Value yourself more. You deserve someone who gives you 100% all the time, not 50% some of the time.

[I have no title]

you're all right guys! thank you everyone for your advices, and I agree with everything that has been said! Im not going to take him back even if he comes for the third time, but one thing i would like to do...I went NC on him which is defntly good...But I have lost my pride again, and I would like to recover it.How could I get him in my hands again? Last time, I went out to the same club he was in and flirted with a few guys in front of him...that was the night he texted me and wanted me back.....Maybe if I do it again it will work, and then at least I can recover my pride in front of him...I know he is very very jealous, and he will call and find the guy Im hanging out with and have a "men's talk" with him....thats what he did a few times while we werre in the r-ship, even when things were not so good anymore....I would just really like to restore my pride, I dont want to look stupid and hurt in front of him...especially that I couldnt help myself and cried when he told me he wanted to leave again..Is there any way to manipulate him in that way?

Thanks guys for your help....Really helped me!

[I have no title]

But homebrew I didnt meet him in the club..we're in the same university...its in the club that I tried making him jealous and it worked// I dont think Im ready for a r-ship now, cause I just had too much **** going on...I just want to recover my pride in front of this guy, thats it...

[BeavisMom62]

Another great post from Homebrew!

 

He's just immature, that's all. No biggie. You're both too young to settle down. He doesn't know what he wants except he doesn't want commitment. At least you know before you invested too much time or emotion on him.

[I have no title]

But I just feel so broken right now...Im sad because I can see every girl around me, all my roomies, they all found a guy and are dating and are happy together....Ive never had luck with guys to be honest....Ive always had someone dumping me, always had somebody causing me pain...And Im a cute girl, I attract guys, but I only attract *******s...And now Im torn up about it again...Ive opened up to a guy, TWICE, beleived what he said to me, and what...he turned out to be an immature little boy that wants to play cool..he already told all his friends that he dumped me and how I was sad and how cool he acted..he did the exact same thing last time, but promised to not to do it again..uhh...I hate this....I wish he would apologize, I wish he would realize what an ass he was...

[Kilty]

But I just feel so broken right now...Im sad because I can see every girl around me, all my roomies, they all found a guy and are dating and are happy together....Ive never had luck with guys to be honest....Ive always had someone dumping me, always had somebody causing me pain...And Im a cute girl, I attract guys, but I only attract *******s...And now Im torn up about it again...Ive opened up to a guy, TWICE, beleived what he said to me, and what...he turned out to be an immature little boy that wants to play cool..he already told all his friends that he dumped me and how I was sad and how cool he acted..he did the exact same thing last time, but promised to not to do it again..uhh...I hate this....I wish he would apologize, I wish he would realize what an ass he was...

 

I may have another solution to your problems.

 

Dating guys for the sake of it AND/OR because you want to be the same as your friends is always likely to end as you are not doing it for the right reasons.

[I have no title]

I know what I want now...I want to be alone for a while, raise my standards for guys and not fall for every *******..I want to be happy by myself, and I need time for that...but one thing I want to get fixed...Since this guy dumped me again, I lost my pride in front of him again..how should I act in front on him to show him that im not heartbroken and devastated...Its bothering me, because he thinks I am, and he told all his friends how cool he is now, and how sad I am...and that's not true, Im not sad and torn up about it, so how should I behave when I see him to prove it to him? Today I saw him, and I said hi to him, with a big smile..or should I ignore him the next time I see him?..Its just really disturbing me that he thinks that im so unhappy and he probably thinks im missing him and waiting for him to call me every day..Any advice on that? Plus, I am driving for a summer holliday in 4 days, so Im not going to see him for 2 months..Should I say goodbye if I see him and wish him all the best or should I just leave without saying anything? ...Thanks a lot for help guys...it makes me stronger!

[thelovingkind]

I know what I want now...I want to be alone for a while, raise my standards for guys and not fall for every *******

I'm right there with you on all of this! It's an awesome state of mind to aim for. I'm not even jealous if my ex moves on into a new relationship way before me. I will not throw myself into something just to get a bit of cheap intimacy and validation even if I do start to get quite lonely. It will pay off in the long run.