NickFrescia Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 I have noticed since being dumped a very interesting change in my behavior. I went from feeling heartbroken and feeling rejected to suddenly no longer wanting to be with my ex. Not that I still didn't miss her, but I did not want to be with her even 6 weeks after the breakup. It's like we are forced to move on and the shock is so great, that while we are coping and trying to come to terms with our sudden loss...we reflect on the relationship and in some cases realize that perhaps things really weren't so great after all. Another problem I see is, after getting dumped...I no longer trust my ex. I would not want to rekindle anything because how can I ever open up to someone who cast me aside (i.e. I wasnt good enough to be her partner). I now understand why 2nd chances rarely happen or work out because it's just never the same again. I have been in a reversal where I was the dumper and initially felt great relief at having dumped my then gf. However I was plagued by guilt and wondering if I made the right decision for months on end. By the time I went back to her, she no longer felt the same about me...her opinion of me had become very mixed while my opinion of her over time had become positive (dumper's regret?). We briefly got back together, but she was completely changed. Before I dumped her she was much more invested in me, and the 2nd time around....I ended up being more interested in her while she was more detached. How is that for a psychology lesson eh?
sleepykitten Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Thanks for that post NickF....I know what you mean, i was in such emotional pain when my bf dumped me, forgetting that for the past 8 mths of the relationship I hadnt been happy and really wanted him to either change back to what he was like when we first met or leave, but i have never been good or had the courage to end things. After weeks of feeling like a shell of a person thoughts consumed with my ex, I intitiated no contact-broke it a week later mind you, but that week was a god send as i clawed back some control and got some perspective and realised all the things about my ex that really werent very attractive traits. Of course it still hurts but I wouldnt want him back, i think I just want him to realise what he lost and want me back though!!!
thelovingkind Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 I'm sort of in a strange position, straddling that tender line between moving on and still looking back. Honestly, I've now not only accepted but I'm happy with the idea of meeting someone new. I want that fresh, exhilarating spark of new potential, a clean slate of experience to begin anew with; the idea of traipsing back into the arms of someone who let me go without any regrets is rather depressing. But, just as honestly, if there was a knock at my door right now and it was my ex, in tears, pleading for me to take him back, would I accept? Yes, in a heartbeat.
Ginger Beer Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 I'm sort of in a strange position, straddling that tender line between moving on and still looking back. Honestly, I've now not only accepted but I'm happy with the idea of meeting someone new. I want that fresh, exhilarating spark of new potential, a clean slate of experience to begin anew with; the idea of traipsing back into the arms of someone who let me go without any regrets is rather depressing. But, just as honestly, if there was a knock at my door right now and it was my ex, in tears, pleading for me to take him back, would I accept? Yes, in a heartbeat. I know exactly how you feel; at times I've been very heartbroken but the thought that I'm free to date any girl I want is exciting, and that I can find one who won't treat me like an idiot. But if my ex was truly sorry and miraculously realised she loved me and wanted me and wanted to try to earn my trust, then I'd take her back too.
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