BlindRage Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Just venting... I just got called lonely. .... It really hit me. Then I realized, I am really lonely. When my ex entered my life I thought "this was it". I thought she was always going to be there for me. I kicked all my friends aside from that point. Now, I only have one friend (more like acquaintance though). I for some dumb reason believed she really wanted to stay with me and thus I felt I needed no-one but her. Then came the ice cold water to my face... She wanted nothing to do with me. I was left alone. I've attempted to rebuild myself. I even tried making friends but people don't seem to want to be around me anymore. I was being contempt with myself though, and moving on. I was even smiling. Now.. I'm lonely. I have no social skills to even attract a new partner. I just bawled my eyes at the fact that my ex is as happy as can be in a new relationship while I'm here wondering where my life has gone.
thelovingkind Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Neglecting friendship is a big mistake, and I'm totally guilty of committing it too. It's kind of terrible, because in some ways pushing your friends to the curb makes your relationship seem even more powerful and exciting. Instead of a healthy, integrated aspect of our total life our relationship balloons into this special, secret world that only us and one other person get to experience. In some ways that's kind of the fantasy. It's not so romantic to think about a relationship as a practical and partial component of our happiness. When it crashes though, it really burns. I was there a month ago. I had never felt more alone in my life. The key for me was to turn it into a positive thing. When you have to start from scratch, you can really think hard about what sort of life you want to lead now. What kind of friends do you want? etc. It's like a clean slate. And it does take time. Sometimes it feels like everyone in the world has enough friends except for you. But one by one you'll get to piece things back together, and it's exciting to get new people into your life instead of hanging out with old friends just because they happen to be there.
Exit Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 I made this mistake as well, luckily I was able to salvage one of my old friendships from the wreckage and I've had someone to hang out with on most days when I need to get out of the house. But also in abandoning my friendships, I place pressure on the people I date to not see their friends either, and that is what causes a huge part of my relationship problems. Life's biggest lessons seem to require a very painful learning process, and through the 3 months of agony I've been going through, I know I will never do that in my relationships again, I will encourage my partner to go and see the people who make them happy and enrich their lives, and I will go see my friends and be able to act like a goofball and blow off some steam, and we can miss each other and see each other in a few days. It definitely is hard to rebuild when you realize you're standing alone. Maybe if you just keep trying with a few of your old friends, you'll be able to rebuild a friendship. Or just try to get out and meet new people, I know it's not easy.
thelovingkind Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 But also in abandoning my friendships, I place pressure on the people I date to not see their friends either, and that is what causes a huge part of my relationship problems. I have totally done that too. Not in blatant, controlling ways - "You will not go and see your friends!". More like that subtle, sort of, manipulative, "Well okay, if you want to see your friends, that's cool, I guess I'll just hang out here...On my own..." I'm embarrassed about so much of that kind of stuff after my last relationship. For example, in our first couple weeks together I had an argument with my best friend of five years and we didn't talk for a couple days. I remember saying to my boyfriend during that time how he might have to be my best friend too, and loving the exciting potential of being everything to each other that arose between us as a result. I basically sold my best friend down the river to enhance the intimacy of a relationship with someone I'd only known two weeks. But when it ended, she was the one who was there for me. I'll never forget that.
Sugarkane Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 This is the beggest mistake I made too. Its hard when you're in the hoenymoon stage and just want to be with them all the time. What can you do to try and prevent this next time? Its only after that you realise what a mistake it was.
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