Bingo999 Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 (edited) Long long story made very short. Girl lives in NYC, boy is from London. Girl meets boy at NYC bar, they hit it off. Girl happens to have trip planned to visit London 6 months after their initial meeting (nothing to do with boy). For first 5 month, girl and boy Facebook message monthly. Closer to trip, girl & boy stay in contact via text & skype (once). When girl gets to London, boy meets with her one day even though they text internationally non-stop. Girl leaves London and boy and girl text and Facebook message again, approximately every two weeks. Girl and boy have intimate text conversations (but have never slept together). Girl has tried to Skype with boy a few times but plans always fall through aside from the first time. The following conversation ensues: G: I think we just think of things differently B: Uh oh- that doesn't sound good! G: What do you mean? B: I'm worried that it pisses you off sometimes! B: I don't think I'm that bad in person, it's more that when we are texting my mind always seem to wander to past evenings with you etc G: No I don't mean like that. You aren't a bad person at all. I think about it sometimes too. G: I guess the difference is that I actually do want to see you again sometime soon and it isn't just all a big fantasy for me B: What makes you think that I don't want that? G: It just feels like to you seeing each other again is more of a fantasy and less of something you want to make a reality I guess? B: Hmmm, I don't really know what would give you that impression. I don't think I feel any differently to you G: Well that's good then, okay. I guess it just sucks that there's no plans to meet up. I do think about our time a good amount... B: Yeah, me too. I guess the way I am looking at it is that i hope that one day either you end up over here or I move to NY. I think both are possibilities. In terms of meeting up, as soon as I start planning my next trip, which wont be long, trying to see you will certainly be in my thoughts! G: I'll edit that sentence for you... G: In terms of meeting up, as soon as I start planning my next trip, which won't be long, seeing you will be certain! B: Haha, well if you can get time off then maybe we can do something together? G: But I think I still have 10 days left... We get every other Friday in the summer off but am planning some trips B: Does that use the 10 days? G: No, I think I have 10 days after that left. I carried over a bunch from the past. I want to come there again and I was talking about it with a friend but it's super expensive in the summer since that's the only time you get nice weather! B: Well that's good news! B: Would you come back over here for a weekend maybe? B: I have plenty of holiday too B: Nope, I am going to a music festival which is a week off work but nothing else B: Very true! It would be more fun for you to come on your own though, I'd look after you! X G: I think you should come back to NYC first - it's your turn! G: Then I can keep my trip for the fall/winter. I was hoping to come for a week then to see if it's really somewhere I want to live. B: I know, and I will try to- I promise. I'm just trying to think of all possibilities! B: Ah right, that sounds cool too- well leave it with me. I do honestly want to see you, I can't believe you think I don't! G: We will see I suppose! B: You are very doubting! G: I don't know! B: I dont know why you are so suspicious of me! Maybe you are like this with all boys?! G: No... I don't think I am really. G: Sorry to come across like that... Not with all boys... Just guarded maybe. B: Ok... I do kinda understand it, we have only spent two nights together after all... I just figured that you knew there was more to it than a fantasy or however you want to describe it. The distance frustrates me too G: mean I know for me it felt like there was more to it but how am I to know how you feel? Especially when we only hung out once when I was there B: I get that, but why do you think I keep texting you and stuff if I didn't like you? B: This would all be a lot simpler if we lived in the same town... We could be dating all the time! G: I agree G: I hope we can spend some time together soon... Girl and boy talk a few days later, she mentions going to Miami. He says he has to check his work days off. Fast forward two weeks. She mentions Miami again and what happened with that, he doesn't respond to that but answers everything else. Two weeks later, boy texts girl about her sister's wedding, she can't really answer so she gives a quick response and responds the next day. Boy waits two weeks to answer claiming his phone was dead. Girl does not respond. Both girl and boy check chat application (and can see the last time each other logged in but neither writes). Now what? I don't know what to do. I REALLY like this guy -- maybe it's because I want what I can't have, or maybe it's because it's true but I don't know if I should just let this go or if I should respond (he was the last to message - 2 weeks ago). I don't chase boys. I don't chase boys across the world. I think about him EVERY DAY. What is going on here? Do I just delete the chat application / delete him out of my mind? There's a chance I am moving to London in a year. Do I just forget he exists? This is so hard. I am dating other guys but he's always in the back of my mind. I am at the point where I feel like just texting him tomorrow and asking like, "is this it? are we never going to see each other?" but I don't know if that's crazy. At the same time, we're both 27 and I don't want to waste time thinking about someone that could potentially never work out. Help. Edited July 2, 2011 by Bingo999
betterdeal Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 There's a chance I am moving to London in a year. Do I just forget he exists? This is so hard. I am dating other guys but he's always in the back of my mind. I am at the point where I feel like just texting him tomorrow and asking like, "is this it? are we never going to see each other?" but I don't know if that's crazy. At the same time, we're both 27 and I don't want to waste time thinking about someone that could potentially never work out. Help. My advice is put him on a backburner. He's in London and you're in New York. If and when you go to London, contact him and see if you guys can hook up. If not, don't worry about it. There's 7 million men in London. You'll find plenty of other play mates. And stop being text buddies. It's this deeply personal communication without the physical closeness of being with someone in actual reality that is winding you up. No need to erase him from your mind completely, although you can if that suits you. Just don't get engaged in text / IM / e-conversations. It's a waste of your time and energy. Save all that flirting by text for someone who might actually turn up and have sex with you i.e. someone who can turn up and have sex with you.
Author Bingo999 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Posted July 2, 2011 I think you're SO right. Thank you. The only thing that really bugs me is why he suggested we meet up for a vacation together if he didn't really want to. What's the point? And why does he check the text application every day but never write? It's definitely going to be hard to put this on the backburner but I know you're 100% right and I really thank you for reading through my whole post and your insight.
TMichaels Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 The only thing that really bugs me is why he suggested we meet up for a vacation together if he didn't really want to. What's the point? It's called, "Holidays are more fun when you're not alone. And besides, maybe I'll get lucky." And why does he check the text application every day but never write? Yeah sure, maybe he's having additional tech issues. But most likely it's to see "what the price of his stock is" -- aka to see if you're still on the hook. Stick to your guns, Bingo. Don't chase him and don't let him use you. Continue to take betterdeal's advice and move on. Best, TMichaels
Dust Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 I’m not a fan of long distance relationships. So back burner. If it happens it happens but really don’t hold out or live your life any differently for it. It was fun while it lasted but back to reality.
betterdeal Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 I think you're SO right. Thank you. The only thing that really bugs me is why he suggested we meet up for a vacation together if he didn't really want to. What's the point? And why does he check the text application every day but never write? Beats me. That's how he gets his jollies. How about you? What are you doing to do to get yours? It's definitely going to be hard to put this on the backburner but I know you're 100% right and I really thank you for reading through my whole post and your insight. No problem Whenever you think of him, think, "Well, he's an option. I might look him up if I go to London." then snap out of it and something in the here and now.
Author Bingo999 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Posted July 2, 2011 It's called, "Holidays are more fun when you're not alone. And besides, maybe I'll get lucky." Yeah sure, maybe he's having additional tech issues. But most likely it's to see "what the price of his stock is" -- aka to see if you're still on the hook. Stick to your guns, Bingo. Don't chase him and don't let him use you. Continue to take betterdeal's advice and move on. Best, TMichaels Very smart about seeing the price of his stock. He knows I talk to other friends on the app too so I'm not sure if he thinks I am checking for him but either way I am going to stop using it. I feel good about ignoring his last message (sent 2 weeks ago) but I feel bad that he hasn't followed up. As far as the holiday goes, he KNOWS he would get lucky (so do I!) so why not just plan it already? Beats me. That's how he gets his jollies. How about you? What are you doing to do to get yours? Ha! I get mine by thinking of him and how much I like him. I mean I have been semi-dating a few guys here but I just don't like them the same way. And maybe it's the whole wanting what you can't have thing, I don't know. All I do know is that I have never felt more strongly when I was with someone, which says a lot considering I dated my first boyfriend for 6 years. I guess overall I just don't want to look back on this and think that I should have done something differently to have it be clear that I wanted more. But I think I did make that clear in my initial conversation, and I thought he did too but now it's kind of dead and that sucks.
betterdeal Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 I guess overall I just don't want to look back on this and think that I should have done something differently to have it be clear that I wanted more. But I think I did make that clear in my initial conversation, and I thought he did too but now it's kind of dead and that sucks. Or you could think of it as you've given text buddy / LDR a go and, whilst you enjoyed aspects of it, you learned you enjoy more actual contact as part of your actual life. Let it go.
Lucky_One Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Why did he only see you one time when you were in London? Is he involved with someone else?
Author Bingo999 Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 Well, I was there from Saturday - Sunday and he was out of town until Monday and we'd planned to go out that night but he got stuck at work. Then I left and went to France Tuesday - Thursday night so we saw each other Friday. I was surprised we did not end up spending time on Saturday (it bothered me a lot actually) but he had some birthday dinner party to attend at a friend's apartment and I was in town with 5 friends.
TMichaels Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Well, I was there from Saturday - Sunday and he was out of town until Monday and we'd planned to go out that night but he got stuck at work. Then I left and went to France Tuesday - Thursday night so we saw each other Friday. I was surprised we did not end up spending time on Saturday (it bothered me a lot actually) but he had some birthday dinner party to attend at a friend's apartment and I was in town with 5 friends. Actions always speak louder than words, Bingo999. To use an over-used cliche': "He's just not into you." Sorry... Best, TMichaels
Author Bingo999 Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 No, I do not think he is seeing anyone else -- not according to Facebook, anyway. I heard from him today, we texted back and forth for about ten minutes (standard catch up stuff) and I ended by saying I was having my birthday party next weekend. He asked my birthday, then stated my birthday, then he started telling me how he was looking through photos from my sister's wedding again (it was last month) and I looked better than he's ever seen me. He then asked how I got so tan. I didn't write back. And I guess I probably just shouldn't.
Silivren Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Facebook means diddly when it comes to relationships. I know lots of couples where only one of them is actually even on facebook. And there are ways to filter people so they can only see certain content. I met a guy on a dating site. He had no relationship on his facebook - but he was tagged in a picture with a girl. On her page she was listed visibly in a relationship with him. Showed up on hers not on his. Regardless - I agree with all the other posters. He is too far away. He's not that into you. Stop playing his game and ignore him.
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