Ginger Beer Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 My original thread is here for those who haven't seen it: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t272671/ It's been nearly 2 weeks of NC, I've been doing OK, as usual I've thought about her every day (I love her but she treats me like an option), tonight I went to bed early and woke at around 10pm, there was a missed call on one of my phones, I was woken by that noise your television makes when there is a call or text coming, this must've been after she rang so I couldn't tell how long she let it ring for or if it was just an accident. She didn't text before and didn't text after and I struggled to get back to sleep but I managed. (Sorry for the boring details .) At around 2pm I woke again for no reason and there is a text on the phone saying ' omfg what have I done, just fricken move here I swear xxxxx'. I didn't think the texts would start this quick. She knows I've gone NC too, the last thing I said to her was 'this will be harder for me than you, you've messed my head up, you start telling me you love me then after a couple of weeks you withdraw again and give me no explanation, it hurts me so much. I'm going again and it has to be for good this time, bye.' And that was it. I'm unsure of what to think, I do love her, very much, I just hate the person she is. In these last two weeks I've been eating so much better and doing more stuff, why would I reply?
Author Ginger Beer Posted July 2, 2011 Author Posted July 2, 2011 Ignore! Ignore! Ignore! You wouldn't!!! Thanks guys. She's going on holiday some time next week, I can't help but think by the time she comes back she'll have had an amazing time and forgot about me (even if she's thinking about me at all). Do you think she is selfish? I think if I saw someone else in my position I'd think she is after what I said before NC. She knows it's hurting me and she contacted me.
geegirl Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 She has nothing of substance to tell you except a few words to bait you into the same song and dance she's always given you. Utterly selfish behavior. Ignore.
Author Ginger Beer Posted July 2, 2011 Author Posted July 2, 2011 I can't edit my post but I mean to put I woke at 2am not pm.
Author Ginger Beer Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 I feel so ****ing **** the last few days, I cried over it the other morning which I never do. Felt like it today too. And also very angry. Things keep reminding me of her and it's making me angry and hurt, I'm also angry how she treated me.
Author Ginger Beer Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 (edited) So I checked the phone I no longer use (the one she has my number for as I have changed my number) and there was a missed call and a voicemail. She is currently on holiday and I had no credit to check what the voicemail said. I didn't know why she called or if the voicemail said anything but I was wondering if she was drunk and something had happened to her, or if she missed me and wanted to tell me (stupid yeah I know) or if she was just drunk and accidently dialled. I tried to go to sleep and ignore it but I couldn't switch off so I topped the phone up to check the voicemail and it's just background noise from a club she must be at, nobody speaking or anything just music but it doesn't sound like she's in the club. ****ing angry and I don't feel like sleeping at all. If anyone has an opinion feel free to post it, although I appreciate there are a lot of people who want advice on here. Edited July 12, 2011 by Ginger Beer
smudge21 Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Hi mate, once again our paths cross - had some contact from my ex recently too. It was not like yours, very basic, but still gave me a sleepless night. Anyway, you're doing that thing we all do - wondering what an ex is thinking. It's a ****ing nightmare as no matter what you convince yourself they're thinking about, and whatever anyone tells you, you can garauntee it will be something different. So I'm not going to even try to say what your ex may be thinking. The only thing you should concern yourself with is what are you thinking; what's going on in your head. Do you want to respond, what with, when... etc. I totally remember your original posts so understand the situation, but you made it totally 100% clear to this girl how you felt and why your were going NC. So maybe a response is in order, but a reminder of why you're NC and then leave it again. She knows how upset you are and this small bit of contact is clearly hurting you, but it won't stop, even if you never reply to her. I just think you need to make it stop, as hard as that may be. That's my opinion anyway. Don't be concerning yourself with what you don't know. Just work on the facts and do what's right for you.
Author Ginger Beer Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 Hi mate, once again our paths cross - had some contact from my ex recently too. It was not like yours, very basic, but still gave me a sleepless night. Anyway, you're doing that thing we all do - wondering what an ex is thinking. It's a ****ing nightmare as no matter what you convince yourself they're thinking about, and whatever anyone tells you, you can garauntee it will be something different. So I'm not going to even try to say what your ex may be thinking. The only thing you should concern yourself with is what are you thinking; what's going on in your head. Do you want to respond, what with, when... etc. I totally remember your original posts so understand the situation, but you made it totally 100% clear to this girl how you felt and why your were going NC. So maybe a response is in order, but a reminder of why you're NC and then leave it again. She knows how upset you are and this small bit of contact is clearly hurting you, but it won't stop, even if you never reply to her. I just think you need to make it stop, as hard as that may be. That's my opinion anyway. Don't be concerning yourself with what you don't know. Just work on the facts and do what's right for you. Alright mate. Are you referring to the first post? (The text and phone call?) I've been NC for 3 weeks, I haven't responded to her at all. I feel like this is slowly starting to drive me mad though. The thing tonight, I doubt she even knew she rang.
betterdeal Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 (edited) Change your phone numbers again and switch your phone(s) off when you go to bed. Your sleep is much more valuable to you than you realise, and certainly more valuable than to be sacrificed for someone else's brain farts. She only contacts you at night? She's tired and emotional, and it's past her bedtime, that's what that means. Make it impossible for her to contact you, to ruin your sleep. Edited July 12, 2011 by betterdeal
Author Ginger Beer Posted July 16, 2011 Author Posted July 16, 2011 (edited) Does anyone think it'd be a good idea to tell her never to contact me again? I think Smudge might be right in that I need it to stop, she text yesterday 'sorry about that voicemail, I heard it upset you, I was on holiday and my phone was in my bag and kept ringing people xxxxx'. Mutual friend obviously told her about it. I'd have preferred she didn't know, if she knows I'm upset that's not a good thing is it? Would it be a good idea to say to mutual friend 'nothing against you but I need to go NC with you too, I may be in touch soon'? I haven't spoke to her in nearly a month. I feel like I hate her so I don't know why I would find it hard to tell her to never contact me again. I feel like I need a new challenge or to move away or something. I haven't mentioned this on the forum before but I don't actually go out anywhere. For the time being there is nothing I can do about it. I don't know why she was asking me to move, she knows I can't. She knew all this a year ago. Edited July 16, 2011 by Ginger Beer
thelovingkind Posted July 16, 2011 Posted July 16, 2011 If someone wanted me back after breaking up with me, the only way I would even consider entertaining the possibility (if I felt like we had actually been a good couple) would be if they approached me in a respectful way, at a reasonable time and explained in a serious, considered manner why they had changed their mind and why I should believe it was worth a second shot. Then I might consider it. Desperate, spontaneous phone calls and texts in the middle of the night would not cut it. No consideration, no reply, no exceptions
Author Ginger Beer Posted July 16, 2011 Author Posted July 16, 2011 If someone wanted me back after breaking up with me, the only way I would even consider entertaining the possibility (if I felt like we had actually been a good couple) would be if they approached me in a respectful way, at a reasonable time and explained in a serious, considered manner why they had changed their mind and why I should believe it was worth a second shot. Then I might consider it. Desperate, spontaneous phone calls and texts in the middle of the night would not cut it. No consideration, no reply, no exceptions It's weird though, it was like she just drifted apart from me because she wasn't that interested until my only option was to go NC. She doesn't think she 'ended' it.
0hpenelope Posted July 16, 2011 Posted July 16, 2011 That's quite a pickle, Ginger. How are you feeling today?
Author Ginger Beer Posted July 16, 2011 Author Posted July 16, 2011 That's quite a pickle, Ginger. How are you feeling today? It is. Not feeling that bad but I have loads of thoughts in my head at the moment. I'm in one of those moods where you think about everything. Thanks for asking.
0hpenelope Posted July 16, 2011 Posted July 16, 2011 I just noticed something, btw. I think Smudge might be right in that I need it to stop, she text yesterday 'sorry about that voicemail, I heard it upset you, I was on holiday and my phone was in my bag and kept ringing people xxxxx'. Mutual friend obviously told her about it. I'd have preferred she didn't know, if she knows I'm upset that's not a good thing is it? Would it be a good idea to say to mutual friend 'nothing against you but I need to go NC with you too, I may be in touch soon'? So you spoke with a mutual friend about it? Were you ever clear in letting that mutual friend know "Dude, I don't want to know anything about the ex and I'd sure appreciate it if you never told ex anything about me"? I'm just clarifying. You and I have something in common right now: mutual friends with our exes. My saga continues and I can explain a bit more. In my opinion, it's not a big deal, but if you'd still like to hear it out I'll share.
Author Ginger Beer Posted July 16, 2011 Author Posted July 16, 2011 I just noticed something, btw. So you spoke with a mutual friend about it? Were you ever clear in letting that mutual friend know "Dude, I don't want to know anything about the ex and I'd sure appreciate it if you never told ex anything about me"? I'm just clarifying. You and I have something in common right now: mutual friends with our exes. My saga continues and I can explain a bit more. In my opinion, it's not a big deal, but if you'd still like to hear it out I'll share. I didn't no, it was only brief. He knows I don't want to know anything about her though. Sure, I'd like to hear your saga.
thelovingkind Posted July 16, 2011 Posted July 16, 2011 It's weird though, it was like she just drifted apart from me because she wasn't that interested until my only option was to go NC. She doesn't think she 'ended' it. I've had this a lot. Normally it goes something like this: 1) Things are going well. 2) They drift away, stop initiating conversations, stop expressing interest. 3) After I'm frustrated enough, I confront them and blast away any meek attempts to pretend nothing's wrong. Finally they admit their feelings have changed and they don't feel as excited about us as they once were, etc. 4) We break up, during which they either try to twist it into a "mutual" thing, or just maintain that frustratingly stand-offish stance of not "wanting" to break up, but not intending to do anything to act as if we were a couple either. Not that it really matters in the long run, so long as I get out of there and begin to move on, but I always make it clear to these people that they are breaking up with me, and I don't pretend otherwise. I just feel like if you keep letting these people off the hook and making them feel like they didn't initiate the break up, then they'll never realise that they actually were responsible for it and needed to front up to that. It's probably a futile effort, and cowards will be cowards, but I don't know. I just hate the idea that the one who says "Okay, this whole situation is ridiculous, it's over" is the one who "initiated" the break up. The one who initiates the break up, for me, is the one who removes themselves from the relationship - it's an action, not simply saying the magic words.
Author Ginger Beer Posted July 16, 2011 Author Posted July 16, 2011 I've had this a lot. Normally it goes something like this: 1) Things are going well. 2) They drift away, stop initiating conversations, stop expressing interest. 3) After I'm frustrated enough, I confront them and blast away any meek attempts to pretend nothing's wrong. Finally they admit their feelings have changed and they don't feel as excited about us as they once were, etc. 4) We break up, during which they either try to twist it into a "mutual" thing, or just maintain that frustratingly stand-offish stance of not "wanting" to break up, but not intending to do anything to act as if we were a couple either. Not that it really matters in the long run, so long as I get out of there and begin to move on, but I always make it clear to these people that they are breaking up with me, and I don't pretend otherwise. I just feel like if you keep letting these people off the hook and making them feel like they didn't initiate the break up, then they'll never realise that they actually were responsible for it and needed to front up to that. It's probably a futile effort, and cowards will be cowards, but I don't know. I just hate the idea that the one who says "Okay, this whole situation is ridiculous, it's over" is the one who "initiated" the break up. The one who initiates the break up, for me, is the one who removes themselves from the relationship - it's an action, not simply saying the magic words. Yeah, that's basically what happened. The first time 'cos she was trying to get back with her ex, the 2nd time she claims because I live too far away and it doesn't feel 'real', although I suspect she got GIGS. I do agree with the cowards will be cowards line.
Author Ginger Beer Posted July 20, 2011 Author Posted July 20, 2011 Been a month NC now. It's been easier than I thought it would be but there have been some absolutely terrible days. I'm starting to not be as hurt if I hear songs that remind me of her or if she pops into my head etc. Phone has been off since I last updated this thread and hopefully next week I can start training again. Sorry to bump this thread just wanted to post this, I also didn't want to start a completely new thread for it.
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