Author USMCHokie Posted July 5, 2011 Author Posted July 5, 2011 (edited) That you even have the capability of thinking of women in those terms is disturbing. There is little that I do that you don't personally find disturbing. And it's something you've wanted to do for a long time. I refer you to your Tucker Max, Predatory Mindset thread. Again, you rely on women to validate your self-worth. You're right, and I've identified that. It wasn't who I used to be, but it's what I've slowly become, partially due to the company I've kept in the past six months. The predatory mindset thread involved the same exact people as this thread, just at a different time in knowing them and hanging out with them. In the previous thread, I still legitimately believed I was capable of doing what they did, and I wanted to emulate them. In this thread several months later, I realized I couldn't do what they did because I felt I wasn't good enough, and I am merely venting my my jealousy and frustrations about it. Edited July 5, 2011 by USMCHokie
Author USMCHokie Posted July 5, 2011 Author Posted July 5, 2011 Again, monkey see, monkey do? We use words to denote what WE think, not what others think. Thus, he is thinking of women as "tail." I assure you, it's more than possible. It is. He's successful, fit, smart, etc., and the entire source of his insecurity for the past 5 years or so has been his ability to attract and keep women. Thus, they validate his self-worth. When did that happen? The night he lost his virginity? He didn't think she was pretty enough, and thought he could "do better" from a physical standpoint (he was very attracted to her, he just felt he could "do better") and was concerned about his "tail" not equaling or measuring up to his friends' "tail." He doesn't understand himself, and contradicts himself all the time. He IS vain, he's admitted it several times. That's why he ACTS vain. People don't ACT vain when they aren't - it serves them absolutely no purpose. She nailed it.
ice salamander Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Look at all these feminist b*****s. My friend, go on your crusade. Women are the same damn way. If you don't go out and experience what is in the world you'll always be curious and wonder what's on the other side. Women want to get deep d*cked every which way before they settle, or else they'll get curious, stray and cheat. Men are the same way too.
Author USMCHokie Posted July 5, 2011 Author Posted July 5, 2011 I assure you, it's more than possible. It is. He's successful, fit, smart, etc., and the entire source of his insecurity for the past 5 years or so has been his ability to attract and keep women. Thus, they validate his self-worth. I need to clarify this a little further. It would make sense that for someone that supposedly has lots of things going for him, the one thing that he doesn't have going for him will stand out above all else and make him feel that he is inadequate. Like is often said on LS, people tend to focus on what they don't have. And yes, for a long time, I focused on what I didn't have (dating success) and valued myself based on the single thing that was missing in my life that everyone else seemed to attain so easily...everyone else that I was supposedly better than "on paper"...so it must have been something intangible about me that made all the rest of me not matter... When did that happen? The night he lost his virginity? Yes.
Star Gazer Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 She nailed it. I have to give you props for acknowledging that!
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 That you even have the capability of thinking of women in those terms is disturbing. I disagree. I think it shows he understands the mindset... not that he accepts it. There is little that I do that you don't personally find disturbing. You're right, and I've identified that. It wasn't who I used to be, but it's what I've slowly become, partially due to the company I've kept in the past six months. The predatory mindset thread involved the same exact people as this thread, just at a different time in knowing them and hanging out with them. In the previous thread, I still legitimately believed I was capable of doing what they did, and I wanted to emulate them. In this thread several months later, I realized I couldn't do what they did because I felt I wasn't good enough, and I am merely venting my my jealousy and frustrations about it. Hokie, I didn't date much in highschool. I was too focused on getting into college. Once in college I spent 4 years on the rowing team. 2 years I was captain. I'm 5'10" and was the shortest guy on the team by 4 inches. This was the most competitive environment I've ever been in. I spent nearly every waking moment with these guys... and we partied together. My experiences with this are very similar to yours. When a woman you get interested in drops you instantly to hit up your friend, that says more about her than about how attractive you are. Here is my words of wisdom. I know when that happens it kills your confidence and you just want to go home. Don't let it. Power through and hang in there to regain her attention. Ask her questions and show an interest in her. I've found through the years that I'm good looking, but there are lots of guys better. I used to try and compete by having 6pak abs and spending hours grooming. However, my personality and charm can whup the crap out of all that. You should also understand that these guys chase women like this because they know that they have nothing to offer women long term. On the inside they don't like themselves that much.... and they need these skanky women to boost their failing self esteem. Dragging a woman home from the bars is easy... especially in D.C., which also seems to be our whore capital as well. What is hard... nearly impossibly hard... Is getting a woman to stick with you over the long haul.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Why would you want that? No offense to your friends, but guys that have that mentality are usually scumbags. Why would you want to be like that? Because he is a weak BETA male with WANABE ALPHA men, real ALPHA needs no such things and real ALPHA would not disrespect a woman... unless in self defense. Whatever . Just because a guy is popular with the ladies does not mean he's a scumbag. You two are just losers who couldn't get laid if your life depended on it and are clearly jealous of the guys who are naturally good with women. To the OP: you feel that way because you never had a "fun" bachelor stage in your life and you think you might be missing out. I don't know how old you are, but unless it's 35+, you can safely put the relationship path on hold for a while and go have some fun with your friends. Nothing wrong with that.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 You have been discussing sowing your wild oats for so long. Why just not do it and get it over with. I don't believe it's for the lack of trying in USMC's part...
Star Gazer Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 There is little that I do that you don't personally find disturbing. Very true. Using women for validation and having a "predatory mindset" is disturbing. I've grown to believe you joined the Marines (in a non-infantry position, I might add...as an attorney and recruiter) not to serve your country, but to give yourself the appearance of being more macho and tougher than you are. It's all a facade. Every bit. You're right, and I've identified that. It wasn't who I used to be, but it's what I've slowly become, partially due to the company I've kept in the past six months. The predatory mindset thread involved the same exact people as this thread, just at a different time in knowing them and hanging out with them. In the previous thread, I still legitimately believed I was capable of doing what they did, and I wanted to emulate them. In this thread several months later, I realized I couldn't do what they did because I felt I wasn't good enough, and I am merely venting my my jealousy and frustrations about it. Again, at least you're able to acknowledge this is what you're doing, rather than hiding. I have to respect the honesty.
grkBoy Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Over the past several months, I became really good friends with a few guys that I worked practically 24/7 with. These are your stereotypical "alpha" Marines who go out on weekends, get smashed, and get tail. Each Monday I'd hear tales of their conquests, which even included a threesome, and part me would get bitter that stuff like that never happened to me. I even ended a relatively short relationship I had with a girl partially because I was jealous of my friends and wanted to experience all of this and see if I was even able to do what they did every weekend. I never sowed my wild oats, so to speak, and it almost seems like something every guy is supposed to do... So now I'm torn...I kind of want that relationship again...but then again, as bad as it sounds, I kinda want to experience the other side... Guidance...? Many guys lie about their exploits. Think Sherman from American Pie. If you just want to have fun, then you have to be fun. Go out, drink like a fish, flirt, be charming, find the loose women who want a good time, and go from there. IMHO, it's an empty life. Even the guys I've known who live that life more or less see it as a competition to get another and another, etc. It all becomes an ego thing for them.
Stockalone Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 I assure you, it's more than possible. It is. He's successful, fit, smart, etc., and the entire source of his insecurity for the past 5 years or so has been his ability to attract and keep women. Thus, they validate his self-worth. I think it's normal to eventually become insecure about some aspects of your life when you don't succeed in those areas. In that regard, I agree with Hokie. So I guess it depends on how much of his self-worth depends on validation from women. He didn't think she was pretty enough, and thought he could "do better" from a physical standpoint (he was very attracted to her, he just felt he could "do better") and was concerned about his "tail" not equaling or measuring up to his friends' "tail." That's not good. He doesn't understand himself, and contradicts himself all the time. He IS vain, he's admitted it several times. That's why he ACTS vain. People don't ACT vain when they aren't - it serves them absolutely no purpose. That's what I thought, and why I didn't understand what he meant. She nailed it. and it makes me wonder whether I have more options than I think... Hokie, is it true that you really were very attracted to the woman you dumped? Or did you "settle" for her, meaning you thought she was the best looking gf you could get, but then (after being stared at, being checked out by other women, and seeing your buddies hook up with attractive women) thought you might be able to get a better looking gf?
Author USMCHokie Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 I've grown to believe you joined the Marines (in a non-infantry position, I might add...as an attorney and recruiter) not to serve your country, but to give yourself the appearance of being more macho and tougher than you are. It's all a facade. Every bit. Wow. You could not be more wrong. And my respect for you has gone to nil that after everything, you would think that. But frankly, it doesn't bother me. Just one person's opinion. And for you to suggest that non-infantry Marines are lesser just shows your ignorance in the matter.
Author USMCHokie Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 Hokie, is it true that you really were very attracted to the woman you dumped? At first, yes. Or did you "settle" for her, meaning you thought she was the best looking gf you could get, but then (after being stared at, being checked out by other women, and seeing your buddies hook up with attractive women) thought you might be able to get a better looking gf? This came later, but yes. But truth be told, over the past week I read a very insightful book that gave me a new perspective on living and has allowed me to reflect on a lot of what has happened in my life. I wanted to step away from this thread for a bit and figure out what it was that I wanted. I knew that insecurity was the principal driving force behind all my perceived issues and I was searching for an answer to overcoming insecurity. The book basically said that the key to overcoming insecurity was to stop comparing yourself to other people. This one point was quite a revelation for me. Our entire society is based on comparing ourselves to others and being "better." But what does it really do for us? If we compare ourselves to another and think we're worse, that makes us insecure. If we think we're better, that makes us arrogant. I spent the last 6 months comparing myself to these guys and perceived myself as somehow inferior because I didn't or couldn't "play" women. It drove me to try and become someone I wasn't just because I was trying to "keep up with the Jones's." So it's become my main focus to stop comparing myself to others, as some of you have pointed out in this thread, and focus on what I want for myself, not what my friends want for themselves.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 The book basically said that the key to overcoming insecurity was to stop comparing yourself to other people. This one point was quite a revelation for me. Our entire society is based on comparing ourselves to others and being "better." But what does it really do for us? If we compare ourselves to another and think we're worse, that makes us insecure. If we think we're better, that makes us arrogant. I spent the last 6 months comparing myself to these guys and perceived myself as somehow inferior because I didn't or couldn't "play" women. It drove me to try and become someone I wasn't just because I was trying to "keep up with the Jones's." So it's become my main focus to stop comparing myself to others, as some of you have pointed out in this thread, and focus on what I want for myself, not what my friends want for themselves. You honestly believe the insecurity will go away if you stop the comparison? As you say it's a basic component of our culture. I believe the answer is in looking at yourself and believing you don't have to be "the best" in order to be happy.
Author USMCHokie Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 (edited) You honestly believe the insecurity will go away if you stop the comparison? As you say it's a basic component of our culture. I believe the answer is in looking at yourself and believing you don't have to be "the best" in order to be happy. Well I don't think insecurity will ever completely go away. I personally believe that anyone who says that they are completely secure is full of sh*t. No one is perfect. But yes, I truly believe that stopping the comparisons and being the best that you are content being without regard to those around you will get you close...so I disagree with you in your use of the word "best"...I am assuming that your definition means the best when compared with others. I use "best" to mean internally...i.e., the best to YOUR satisfaction...you improve because you want to be better, not because you want to be better than the guy next to you...if you go around saying that you'd be happy not being the "best," then wouldn't you inherently be destined for mediocrity? For example, my last boss and great mentor always stressed that military officers should always be reading, studying, and learning about the trade of leadership and training themselves to handle any situation in any conditions...not so they can be better than the other officers in the unit, but to be the best officer HE can be for those in his charge...the sh*tty ones are those who are "happy" not being the best...I know it's an argument in semantics but I feel it makes a difference... And I was going to respond to your previous long ass post but only wanted to quote sections of it...and I'm on my phone so it's kind of a pain...so it'll come tomorrow... Edited July 15, 2011 by USMCHokie
Star Gazer Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 Wow. You could not be more wrong. And my respect for you has gone to nil that after everything, you would think that. But frankly, it doesn't bother me. Just one person's opinion. And for you to suggest that non-infantry Marines are lesser just shows your ignorance in the matter. I honestly don't care if you don't respect me or my opinion. It's no loss to me. *shrug* And I never once suggested that non-infantry Marines are "less than" other positions. I wouldn't. My family is made up of non-infantry military in professional positions (specifically, medical personnel), and I have many close JAG friends. What I hinted at, was that you chose to not enter the infantry, and rather selected an officer/professional position...but yet get to benefit of carrying the badge of being a big tough Marine. My point only was that, yes, "after everything," I believe you joined one of the macho-ist (and I saw that in a complimentary way) organizations known to mankind, so that YOU could feel "more of a man." By your own admissions here on LS, you are often called effeminate and confused for being gay, after all. I can understand why you'd want/need something to boost your masculine appearance to others, and being a Marine would do just that. "That is all."
Author USMCHokie Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 I honestly don't care if you don't respect me or my opinion. It's no loss to me. *shrug* Cool. And I never once suggested that non-infantry Marines are "less than" other positions. I wouldn't. My family is made up of non-infantry military in professional positions (specifically, medical personnel), and I have many close JAG friends. What I hinted at, was that you chose to not enter the infantry, and rather selected an officer/professional position...but yet get to benefit of carrying the badge of being a big tough Marine. Hmmm, I actually got out of the "professional" field of law in the Marines, recruited for 2 months (which I hated out of principal because of the influx of people who joined because they couldn't find a job anywhere else and were better qualified than the people who actually wanted to be Marines) and was just reassigned a new job designation. I got out of law because I did not get the opportunity to lead Marines as an attorney. And I knew I wasn't a good fit for infantry; I absolutely hate hiking everywhere. My point only was that, yes, "after everything," I believe you joined one of the macho-ist (and I saw that in a complimentary way) organizations known to mankind, so that YOU could feel "more of a man." By your own admissions here on LS, you are often called effeminate and confused for being gay, after all. I can understand why you'd want/need something to boost your masculine appearance to others, and being a Marine would do just that. Leaving our "history" aside, I know that insecurity has always been an issue for me, but 4+ years ago it certainly did not envelope my life as it has in recent years. All this nonsense about dating and relationships and predatory mindsets was not even on my radar. I picked the Marines because of the quality of the individuals who I'd be serving with. I joined because I wanted to lead. Going through a military college, I realized it was something I was actually good at and took great pride, satisfaction, and fulfillment in. There really isn't any other career where you can make such a lasting impact on the life of another person. I only contracted in as a lawyer because I was in law school at the time and it seemed logical. But it was the desire to lead that was the sole reason why I got out of law. So me and you can go back and forth about how this or that doesn't bother us, but this I actually take great genuine offense to, especially coming from you. I'll admit that you might be right about a lot of things when it comes to me and dating/women and the related insecurities, but I won't stand idly by when someone questions why I do what I do for a living. I know you despise me, and maybe you want everyone else on LS to despise me, but seriously, don't you have better sh*t to do...?
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